u/Pio232

Hi my sister has been married to her husband they always budded heads but lately she’s been so compliant. Some examples are they’ve always struggled with money because of his spending habits she would chastise him but now she says it’s fine when he buys $60 shirts, $150 shoes for work but they’re casual shoes rather than work boots that he’d need, spending money on DoorDash, she’s even fine with being locked out of his bank after he made himself his own account. Another example she would tell him to pick up after himself now she cleans up after him, and meets his over demands without argument (which I don’t think I can post here). Bad fights they had in front of me she can’t remember.

Due to a long line of conflicts with her husband I don’t speak to him and have him blocked. Due to this drastic changes on her part I’m wondering if he did something or if she’s just tired of fighting him.

Is there a way to check without her knowing as now she defends his actions. I would like to take her to be professionally looked at and cleansed if she is because I know I can’t undo if anything has been done. Thanks in advance!

Hi my sister and my brother in law have been together for 13 years they have two young kids. I’ve tolerated him because my sister was crazy about him in the beginning. Although my parents and I told her we didn’t approve of him since the beginning as he would hit her and be disrespectful to us. Now he has changed in the way that he doesn’t hit her anymore but now he’s controlling everything she does he has his own bank that she isn’t allowed to see, he is always checking for her whereabouts, having her waiting on him hand and foot, constantly accusing her of cheating, when she doesn’t answer he will call me to ask why isn’t she answering and if I could pass him to her, I’ve told him not to call me for this yet he still does, he has installed cameras around the house just to monitor her. And he’ll really only talk to me for that or to ask me for money which is hard to get him to pay me back. He also owes my parents a lot of money.

I am currently grieving the loss of my dog that was my only constant companion and I didn’t notice until she had passed was keeping me from spiraling. I am very introverted and quiet so I’ve had difficulty making friends and keeping them. While I was staying over at their house with her and their kids (he stayed over at my parents house as he’d worked late) I was crying over the loss of my dog and my sister was comforting me. Her husband called but she couldn’t answer as she was focused on me. Then he called me but I didn’t have my phone. Since we didn’t answer he uses the announcements feature on the Alexa they have exclaiming that why she didn’t answer him that the camera in the garage is offline so she must have snuck a man into the house. She called him on her phone and he demanded her to FaceTime him to show him around the house. When she did he demanded her to go turn the garage camera back on but it was 2am and she didn’t want to. They continued to argue and this is where I decided enough was enough I was going to block him and I did.

The next morning I told my sister I blocked him she immediately told me to unblock him I refused telling her he only calls when he needs something from me. She said she’ll talk to him I told her not to bother as I’ve told him for years to stop. When he got to my parents house he ignored me and immediately went to my sister I was fine with it. Then he turns to me saying he wants a favor from me $200. I turned and told him seriously you’re asking for my help now he said I gave him attitude and then ignored me again. That night I had another depressed episode I was dissociating, shaking, and having very negative thoughts. I thought she would stay over to comfort me but she said her husband wanted her home she bought me a drink and left that was that.

It’s been almost month that I’ve had him blocked now my sister calls me saying she needs $400 I asked why as her husband has been working overtime. She told me they wanted to have a family fun day. I thought they owe me almost $4,000 and they still haven’t paid and I’ll have to give them more money and not get it back I told her no. After she kept begging and begging even putting my youngest nephew to plead on her behalf she passes the phone to her husband because he wanted to talk to me to ask for the favor. I became furious I told her my one and only boundary of not wanting to talk to him and she passes her phone to him to ask me for another favor I told him no I didn’t feel comfortable and he dropped the matter passing me back to my sister. I hung up not wanting to talk to her anymore.

The next morning she tells me she sent me money to start paying me back I said honestly I’m shocked you kept your word. She became irritated I said why did you pass me your husband when I specifically told you I didn’t want to talk to him. She said well he wanted to talk to you. She was once again catering to him. I said it didn’t matter you should have respected my choice. She said so you’re never going to talk to him it’s been a month he’s my husband. I told her I tolerated him for 13 years she couldn’t give me a month since they’re married and have 2 kids it’ll be hard to always ignore him. As she always forced him onto me and my parents. I told her I don’t know if I ever would talk to him. She said it’s a clear yes or no. I told her I wasn’t in the right headspace right now so I ended the call.

Am I overreacting on not wanting to talk to either of them? I know I can stop talking to him as we rarely talked but to stop talking to my sister hurts me as we are or were close. But her constantly choosing him over everything even when I needed her the most I think I should stop talking to her for a while.

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