u/PolyAdviceNeededNow

My husband (m41) and I (f41) have been open for 15 years. If I’m being honest, I never really loved it in practice but I agree with it completely in theory. Not to mention, it felt like me being just a bit uncomfortable once and while was worth how happy it made him. I’ve dated here and there but I’m just too busy and honestly, too lazy to deal with more than one romantic relationship at a time.

But now things feel different. I’m going through perimenopause, and it’s been a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. My confidence has taken a hit, my moods are all over the place, I’m bleeding every other week, sleeping like shit, and I just don’t feel like myself.

Meanwhile, he’s started seeing women who are 10–15 years younger than me.

I’m spiraling in a way I’ve never done and all the things I’ve done for the last 15 years to self soothe and remind myself those relationships aren’t about me don’t work even a little bit.  It’s hitting me in a way I didn’t expect. I feel insecure, jealous, and honestly kind of invisible. Like I’m aging out while he’s still choosing younger.

I don’t want to be someone who suddenly “can’t handle it” after agreeing to it. I don’t want to sabotage his relationships. But I also can’t ignore how much this is affecting me right now. Everything that used to help just doesn’t.  When I talk to him about it he’s understanding but not willing to change much of what he’s doing.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Especially with perimenopause changing how you feel about yourself and your relationship?

I don’t even know what I need—advice, perspective, or just to hear that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

My husband (m41) and I (f41) have been open for 15 years. If I’m being honest, I never really loved it in practice but I agree with it completely in theory. Not to mention, it felt like me being just a bit uncomfortable once and while was worth how happy it made him. I’ve dated here and there but I’m just too busy and honestly, too lazy to deal with more than one romantic relationship at a time.

But now things feel different. I’m going through perimenopause, and it’s been a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. My confidence has taken a hit, my moods are all over the place, I’m bleeding every other week but horny as hell, sleeping like shit, and I just don’t feel like myself.

Meanwhile, he’s started seeing women who are 10–15 years younger than me.

I’m spiraling in a way I’ve never done and all the things I’ve done for the last 15 years to self soothe and remind myself those relationships aren’t about me don’t work even a little bit.  It’s hitting me in a way I didn’t expect. I feel insecure, jealous, and honestly kind of invisible. Like I’m aging out while he’s still choosing younger.

I don’t want to be someone who suddenly “can’t handle it” after agreeing to it. I don’t want to sabotage his relationships. But I also can’t ignore how much this is affecting me right now. Everything that used to help just doesn’t.  When I talk to him about it he’s understanding but not willing to change much of what he’s doing.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Especially with perimenopause changing how you feel about yourself and your relationship?

I don’t even know what I need—advice, perspective, or just to hear that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.