u/Possible_Quail_9222

everytime you just give out an opinion(that not everyone agrees with, probably), ANYTHING - EVEN AN INNOCENT POST of showing off something - boom. the early stage? 0 votes. someone downvotes. for the sake of what, lolz? funnies?? you just have to keep DOUBLECHECKING yourself, because, "what if those insufferable redditors dont like something MINOR, and will make a joke out of it and my existence??"; like, your humor aint even funny - it only is about pouncing on a random stranger, and making the MOST unhelpful comment threads everywhere - where it is just continuing a 40 year old humor joke, instead of ACTUALLY making it about OP's problem - where they need GENUINE ADVICE or help??
no, you are just egoistic. hiding behind a screen. try to be POSITIVE for fucking once; i am TIRED of being unsure of my own view and opinions on some social media app because the people here act like those school hall mfers who IMMEDIATELY go shy and pissy the second their gang buddies arent around. you either aint enough to drink, OR too old to even be mocking a teenager who's looking for life advice. thanks.
(i wont be surprised if people like that pounce on me for this one...hey, at least thank you for being my proof and proving my point!! : DD )))

the cold, poker faced folks, the same caricature we see on media? well, you are RIGHT. but it is not in a funny "haha cold mfers with a russian accent". as someone who lives in these parts, it is KILLING me. i hate how the culture here is all about, "do not talk to strangers, be polite, mind your own business" mindset. respect here basically means, "act invisible, do not stand out too much, or you will be seen as an asylum escapee". and it is MY OWN values that contradict with the environment that i live in. you all want distance, trust issues, not talking to anyone except for your family or friends? well, i'd be FUCKING HAPPIER in a place like spain, where people are loud, EXPRESSIVE AS SHIT, are not ashamed to be too much, do NOT need to shrink themselves down for some fucking ass grandmas staring at you for looking slightly different.
i HATE how i have to feel "small, weak, pls dont notice me" when entering a bus. whenever i am in one with a friend? the WHOLE, FULL bus is DEADLY silent, either zoomers scrolling or grandmas daydreaming through a window with a stern bitchy face - IMMEDIATELY stare at you and the person you are with. and they can hear EVERY damn thing that you are saying because NOBODY ELSE is talking. GOD FORBID, someone TALKS, as a human being? are we all supposed to be, what, robots now? have no feelings? put on some calm, flat mask? society is all about obedience and conformity, yes, but i'd rather prefer living in a place where it is ALIVE, even if messy, instead of a country where everyone acts as if you are invisible, do not exist, AND ONLY begin to notice you if you are slightly out of the norm(in appearance). and all i get are stares 90% of the time. stupid 7th grader males commenting the same thing over and over again, soviet grandmas giving me nasty 30-second looks.
this is more about looking different in a slavic country, yes, but i also mean it when i say that i CAN NOT stand the lifestyle here. culture. if you try to talk to someone, casually TALK - all you get are the MOST predictable responses, no effort, "get away from me, you are probably trying to kill me" tones.
yall will get mad at me for saying this, but...yes. people are damn NPCs. not all. but MOST. i fucking hate conformity. no no, more specifically? i HATE how normalized it is to disconnect from everyone else, bit by bit. i could talk about the phones all day long - how nasty it is to see dozens of people glued to their screens in a single bus stop, instead of maintaining the human connection - but that is also an old, OLD topic.

yes. im a person who just CRAVES a bit of ACTUAL attention(not stares that are meant to be judgmental), ANDDD THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS YOURSELF - and not pretend to be someone else. the second i feel free, without monitoring myself? talk in my normal tone? everyone stares at me as if im fucking insane, just for simply EXISTING. it is not like i am screaming or anything. i just EXIST, do NOT filter every single word, do not try to act all polite as if i've sticked up a bat into my ass. and feeling like in your skin? that is ALSO enough for those dead zombies to act "shocked", as if, "woah, how did he do that, he can TALK??? without being awfully quiet???"
literally every place is DEAD as fuck. a line to somewhere? everyone is silent. as if it is some funeral. EVEN THE PEOPLE who are together in pairs: couples, friends - are SILENT, as if saying something will suddenly bomb the whole place. a cafe? the forced silence - i CAN feel it. busses are the worst. school threatens me to kick me out for being a bit of a troublemaker(just for wearing eyeliner, or bringing a KVAS can, because it is a fuck ass private christian school, accidently bumping into the teacher)
"well, OP, if you are that miserable with the daily life, job functioning society...why not go to the clubs? find high energy people like you?", as if THAT would fix the problem. i want the aliveness to be EVERYWHERE. not CONDITIONAL. and by aliveness, i do not mean some corny disney dancing, singing scene with the whole town. as said, those warm countries? spain, italy, whatever? NEW ORLEANS??? i would MOVE IN IMMEDIATELY, even if it is dangerous with some local gangs or something. at least i will die HAPPILY??? i do not want to have some surface level fun during nighttime, just to return to the daytime and suffocate my own soul around dead souls.
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

i HATE when everyone assumes that the "cringy phase" that they "went through" is something to be ashamed of. guilty. embarrassed. and that it wasn't the "real them", and only some "temporary, hormonal influenced period". but personally, i feel as if, those phases ACTUALLY DO show what you like. are into.
the whole, "thank god i grew out of it" stories? guess what - you've been guilt-tripped enough to actually start feeling "embarrassed" by a specific phase: whether it is when you were dressing all dark, being a "typical edgy emo teenager", started and tried out more things beyond what society typically idealizes and does.
maybe this is a rant or whatever, but looking at those completely "now normal, conformist, mature adults" people feeling humiliated when showed an old "cringy" picture of themselves, as a teenager? god. their poor inner child. you are not ashamed of the old you - your mind just remembers what you had to COVER, HIDE, for everyone else.

the same could go for, "wah, teens are so rebellious, hopefully YOU will grow up one day and mature". i feel as if puberty LITERALLY makes people think for themselves, know what they want in life...until society suddenly chokes them, "be that, or that, do not do this or they will laugh and point at you, be like everyone else, be boring". maybe I AM a "rebellious teenager" right now, too - but legally, an "adult". but god, i DO HOPE i keep living for myself, and NOT give in to the opinions of those around me(parents, school, the majority of people). they all act as if the only way to be happy is liking the same thing, dress the same, do the same traditional lifestyle(work, family, die)...seeing this makes me love older goth communities even more; it shows that the "cringy" things you used to like are not necessarily bad. nor wrong. but the majority still decided to fit into the mold. yes yes, i can bring the "social creatures" topic into this, how it is normal to conform for humans, but this ain't about it.

face it. teen phases aren't something fake, and aren't guaranteed 100% to "go away". people turn "normal" again when they've had enough of the inner world exhaustion, people around them making them feel BAD for simply...doing whatever they loved.
does it mean that EVERY of us secretly loves dark stuff, skulls, MCR? no. but it is also impossible that 99% of us are doing the things society tells us to do because we "super duper love" it. you probably do not. you've been forced to change, you've been humiliated. and now, probably guilt-tripped, too.

as the title says! i try playing it, but i am SO DAMN bad at playing infected, survivors crush me harder than charger does bruv

((off topic, but - dude...will eden's garden continue?? we got the 1st chapter, and i am hooked!!)

personally, i was really invested in kill/cure...just to get my heart crushed, finding out that it is cancelled : ((((

F: shattered hope....i was also so hyped for it back in the day!?!?? the last videos about it are from FIVE damn years ago on YT...WHATTT??

so, yes, moral of the story? fangames are probably...forgotten! but what about yall? what are some of the recommendations??

i do NOT mean the ones performing being goth, or just "doing it for the sake of views/goth dommy mommy bs/etc"...i want the folks who talk without any pretending, talk about ACTUAL goth topics(history, tips, their personal experiences)...currently, i REALLY like angelina benedict. i love how the topics are versatile. occasionally, i'll watch drama kween or demetri falco(both of these just share THE SAME vibe, which i like), but it is mostly about reacting, commenting current ongoing (mostly social media) problems - which i do enjoy, but i want the ones that are more about...daily life. life lessons/being an alt kid in the 90s experiences.
thanks to anyone who'll be giving me some channels - AND - i also remember this one goth woman who goes to goth cons? has a kid? anyone remember her name? more like...vlogs? but they used to be pretty long(ahem, is 20mins a lot?) EDIT: yeah...i was talking about itsblackfriday, it seems.
ciao!!

personally, I'm not super into "screaming 90% of the time" music - yeah, vkei IS mainly rock/metal, but I mean...kaya's memento mori is just ANOTHER world. I'd also count malice mizer as something similar; overall, you get it, french and historical european themes. Versailles also could be counted.

What about the more underrated ones?? Just want to find more music to listen to, with the exact same charm! Thanks :33

everytime I try to play it, I get lost as SHIT, uninterested, and just go back to the...standard mode

is the hype of it ACTUALLY worth it???

Thank you nyaaaa (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)