u/Prestigious-Low5233

He'd been love bombing me for days and acting sad. Once the kids went to sleep he wanted to go on the porch I let him (id been withdrawing for a few days and had full pulled back with physical touch at this point) pepper my cat caught a mouse and I took it outside had to pass him to take it out he stopped me on my way back inside and asked if we could talk he wanted me next to him but I've been scared so I sat in the chair in front of him he didn't like it I could tell. He kept starting to say something and staring I asked what after a long pause he said never mind. Then he asked if my day was good I said yes (short) and then he said im glad the kids had a good day(strange tone like he was mad I didn't give him a good day) he always says why ruin a good day if im sad or upset over something. We sat in silence for another while he asked if I wanted to talk I said no. He started swinging harder (he was sitting on the porch swing) and then said well if you dont want to talk you can go back in if you want (his tone was off the whole conversation) I definitely didn't feel like i could at all i was frozen it felt like if I went in it would confirmed something for him or something i felt threatened. I stayed frozen while he was swinging and staring at me and he kept look off at his shadow on the side of our trialer to look at himself. I told him I was uncomfortable and he kept saying that isnt what he meant and he didn't want me to feel unsafe or uncomfortable (still his words didn't match his tone or body language) I literally couldn't speak then he kept asking if I had something to say i kept shaking my head no and he kept loudly adjusting on the swing and even bumped the rail of the porch he never really stopped staring. He finally stood really fast and said well I dont want to do that and went in and signaled for me to follow so I did. We go in the bed and I was asking the ai id been talking to about my feelings lately what it could've meant and if I could've been imagining things and I had heard his shifting around but the i realized he was sitting up leaning against the headboard watching me and staring at me in the dark. Again my body was reading threat. I started shaking and he jumped up and went outside again I couldn't handle the dark so I got up and turned on the bathroom light and couldn't calm down. I texted my sister she didn't answer so I texted my cousin she wasn't much help she told me if I wanted to stay shed support me? Even after I said the stuff about the sexual violence. Then he came back in and was again acting like I hurt him and then started asking me about if I wanted space yet again (he'd asked the past two days and I told him I didnt know he told me that was okay) it definitely didn't feel like an okay answer because he kept asking and asking just different wording after long pauses and staring at me again (with me extremely uncomfortable) he kept asking if there was something I need to say from him or anything he could do or anything I wanted to say again I said no I was just tired anytime I doze off hes scare me awake with a new question he kept me up until 230 am and im sure ill be blamed for him being tired at work hes already said hes has trouble sleeping the past few days because nightmares about me

Me(27f) and my partner (29m) have been together 10 years and have two kids on the autism spectrum. I have no income of my own and no copy of his card. I don't drive, so I'm pretty dependent on him, which is part of why this is so hard.

Looking back, the cracks were there early. In 2018 I caught him with a dating app account. He said he never used it and deleted it because he felt bad, and that he'd made it because he was scared I wasn't attracted to him since we weren't having much sex. I'd been open with him about my SA trauma. He would make me finish and then I'd freak out and have to stop, so he wouldn't finish, and I felt guilty about it. I knew he watched a lot of porn but I felt like I couldn't say anything.

His family was always rude to me, and to him, and he never stood up for me. We got engaged, had our son in 2019 and our daughter in 2022. My son's birth was traumatic. Over 30 stitches, my uterus prolapsed, he came out blue and not breathing, the epidural failed. My postpartum was awful and I was overwhelmed and not okay, and he helped with the baby but not with me, until it came to having sex again.

He grew distant after a family trip to Tampa that was the worst few days of my life. They left me staying in a tent outside in the heat with a 9 month old and a 2 year old while he went to the casino, supposed to be back by midnight. He stayed gone until 11 the next morning with no word from anyone. I stayed up until 6am thinking the worst. Turns out it was the worst. I was falling apart after that, having sex with him every night trying to fix us, even studying porn to try to be what he wanted.

In 2025 I hit a wall. I wasn't eating or sleeping right and I knew something was wrong. I asked him and he promised there was nothing, that I was "his girl" (he never says my name, he calls me girl). The next morning I checked his phone and found he'd been talking to other men. The first thing he said when I confronted him was "where am I gonna go?" Then somehow I ended up comforting HIM. The reasons kept changing: he was insecure about his feminine side, his family pushed a "manly job" on him, and months later, that the real reason was that I "pushed" to have kids. It took months of begging to get answers. He told me it was men he met in person, oral with several, slept with one, plus video chatting and commenting on Reddit posts. He even asked for a man in our relationship a week after I found out.

When I got upset once, he grabbed my chin and said "I said fucking look at me" through his teeth, and punched a hole in our bedroom wall. He's also put his hand on my throat during sex. I told him exactly how to do it safely and where, but he always does it too rough, and when I tap him to stop he acts confused and says "what?"

It's been a year since i found out about the cheating. The same cycle repeats: I break down, he promises, nothing changes. During sex it's all about him, no aftercare, and he's made me throw up during oral and said we needed to "train my throat" while I cleaned myself up. He had almost no reaction when I told him about my childhood abuse or my past abusive ex. He couldn't run the household even if I asked.

I guess I'm posting because part of me still wonders if I'm being unfair, if he's just traumatized and trying. But writing it all out, I don't know how I keep landing back at "maybe it's me." Has anyone been here? How did you know it was time to stop trying? Is this abuse? He seems like it hurts him when he hurts me I think?

Me(27f) and my partner (29m) have been together 10 years and have two kids on the autism spectrum. I have no income of my own and no copy of his card. I don't drive, so I'm pretty dependent on him, which is part of why this is so hard.

Looking back, the cracks were there early. In 2018 I caught him with a dating app account. He said he never used it and deleted it because he felt bad, and that he'd made it because he was scared I wasn't attracted to him since we weren't having much sex. I'd been open with him about my SA trauma. He would make me finish and then I'd freak out and have to stop, so he wouldn't finish, and I felt guilty about it. I knew he watched a lot of porn but I felt like I couldn't say anything.

His family was always rude to me, and to him, and he never stood up for me. We got engaged, had our son in 2019 and our daughter in 2022. My son's birth was traumatic. Over 30 stitches, my uterus prolapsed, he came out blue and not breathing, the epidural failed. My postpartum was awful and I was overwhelmed and not okay, and he helped with the baby but not with me, until it came to having sex again.

He grew distant after a family trip to Tampa that was the worst few days of my life. They left me staying in a tent outside in the heat with a 9 month old and a 2 year old while he went to the casino, supposed to be back by midnight. He stayed gone until 11 the next morning with no word from anyone. I stayed up until 6am thinking the worst. Turns out it was the worst. I was falling apart after that, having sex with him every night trying to fix us, even studying porn to try to be what he wanted.

In 2025 I hit a wall. I wasn't eating or sleeping right and I knew something was wrong. I asked him and he promised there was nothing, that I was "his girl" (he never says my name, he calls me girl). The next morning I checked his phone and found he'd been talking to other men. The first thing he said when I confronted him was "where am I gonna go?" Then somehow I ended up comforting HIM. The reasons kept changing: he was insecure about his feminine side, his family pushed a "manly job" on him, and months later, that the real reason was that I "pushed" to have kids. It took months of begging to get answers. He told me it was men he met in person, oral with several, slept with one, plus video chatting and commenting on Reddit posts. He even asked for a man in our relationship a week after I found out.

When I got upset once, he grabbed my chin and said "I said fucking look at me" through his teeth, and punched a hole in our bedroom wall. He's also put his hand on my throat during sex. I told him exactly how to do it safely and where, but he always does it too rough, and when I tap him to stop he acts confused and says "what?"

It's been a year since i found out about the cheating. The same cycle repeats: I break down, he promises, nothing changes. During sex it's all about him, no aftercare, and he's made me throw up during oral and said we needed to "train my throat" while I cleaned myself up. He had almost no reaction when I told him about my childhood abuse or my past abusive ex. He couldn't run the household even if I asked.

I guess I'm posting because part of me still wonders if I'm being unfair, if he's just traumatized and trying. But writing it all out, I don't know how I keep landing back at "maybe it's me." Has anyone been here? How did you know it was time to stop trying? Is this abuse? He seems like it hurts him when he hurts me I think?

We've (im 27f and my partner is 29m) been together 10 years and have two kids on the autism spectrum. I have no income of my own and and no copy of his card. I don't drive, so I'm pretty dependent on him, which is part of why this is so hard.

Looking back, the cracks were there early. In 2018 I caught him with a dating app account. He said he never used it and deleted it because he felt bad, and that he'd made it because he was scared I wasn't attracted to him since we weren't having much sex. I'd been open with him about my SA trauma. He would make me finish and then I'd freak out and have to stop, so he wouldn't finish, and I felt guilty about it. I knew he watched a lot of porn but I felt like I couldn't say anything.

His family was always rude to me, and to him, and he never stood up for me. We got engaged, had our son in 2019 and our daughter in 2022. My son's birth was traumatic. Over 30 stitches, my uterus prolapsed, he came out blue and not breathing, the epidural failed. My postpartum was awful and I was overwhelmed and not okay, and he helped with the baby but not with me, until it came to having sex again.

He grew distant after a family trip to Tampa that was the worst few days of my life. They left me staying in a tent outside in the heat with a 9 month old and a 2 year old while he went to the casino, supposed to be back by midnight. He stayed gone until 11 the next morning with no word from anyone. I stayed up until 6am thinking the worst. Turns out it was the worst. I was falling apart after that, having sex with him every night trying to fix us, even studying porn to try to be what he wanted.

In 2025 I hit a wall. I wasn't eating or sleeping right and I knew something was wrong. I asked him and he promised there was nothing, that I was "his girl" (he never says my name, he calls me girl). The next morning I checked his phone and found he'd been talking to other men. The first thing he said when I confronted him was "where am I gonna go?" Then somehow I ended up comforting HIM. The reasons kept changing: he was insecure about his feminine side, his family pushed a "manly job" on him, and months later, that the real reason was that I "pushed" to have kids. It took months of begging to get answers. He told me it was men he met in person, oral with several, slept with one, plus video chatting and commenting on Reddit posts. He even asked for a man in our relationship a week after I found out.

When I got upset once, he grabbed my chin and said "I said fucking look at me" through his teeth, and punched a hole in our bedroom wall. He's also put his hand on my throat during sex. I told him exactly how to do it safely and where, but he always does it too rough, and when I tap him to stop he acts confused and says "what?"

It's been a year. The same cycle repeats: I break down, he promises, nothing changes. During sex it's all about him, no aftercare, and he's made me throw up during oral and said we needed to "train my throat" while I cleaned myself up. He had almost no reaction when I told him about my childhood abuse or my past abusive ex. He couldn't run the household even if I asked.

I guess I'm posting because part of me still wonders if I'm being unfair, if he's just traumatized and trying. But writing it all out, I don't know how I keep landing back at "maybe it's me." Has anyone been here? How did you know it was time to stop trying?

To start I want to say I definitely want advice but I DO NOT want people being just mean to me please. I'm (27f) and my partner is (29m)

We've been together 10 years and have two kids on the autism spectrum. I have no income of my own and I don't drive, so I'm pretty dependent on him, which is part of why this is so hard.

Looking back, the cracks were there early. In 2018 I caught him with a dating app account. He said he never used it and deleted it because he felt bad, and that he'd made it because he was scared I wasn't attracted to him since we weren't having much sex. I'd been open with him about my SA trauma. He would make me finish and then I'd freak out and have to stop, so he wouldn't finish, and I felt guilty about it. I knew he watched a lot of porn but I felt like I couldn't say anything.

His family was always rude to me, and to him, and he never stood up for me. We got engaged, had our son in 2019 and our daughter in 2022. My son's birth was traumatic. Over 30 stitches, my uterus prolapsed, he came out blue and not breathing, the epidural failed. My postpartum was awful and I was overwhelmed and not okay, and he helped with the baby but not with me, until it came to having sex again.

He grew distant after a family trip to Tampa that was the worst few days of my life. They left me staying in a tent outside in the heat with a 9 month old and a 2 year old while he went to the casino, supposed to be back by midnight. He stayed gone until 11 the next morning with no word from anyone. I stayed up until 6am thinking the worst. Turns out it was the worst. I was falling apart after that, having sex with him every night trying to fix us, even studying porn to try to be what he wanted.

In 2025 I hit a wall. I wasn't eating or sleeping right and I knew something was wrong. I asked him and he promised there was nothing, that I was "his girl" (he never says my name, he calls me girl). The next morning I checked his phone and found he'd been talking to other men. The first thing he said when I confronted him was "where am I gonna go?" Then somehow I ended up comforting HIM. The reasons kept changing: he was insecure about his feminine side, his family pushed a "manly job" on him, and months later, that the real reason was that I "pushed" to have kids. It took months of begging to get answers. He told me it was men he met in person, oral with several, slept with one, plus video chatting and commenting on Reddit posts. He even asked for a man in our relationship a week after I found out.

When I got upset once, he grabbed my chin and said "I said fucking look at me" through his teeth, and punched a hole in our bedroom wall. He's also put his hand on my throat during sex. I told him exactly how to do it safely and where, but he always does it too rough, and when I tap him to stop he acts confused and says "what?"

It's been a year. The same cycle repeats: I break down, he promises, nothing changes. During sex it's all about him, no aftercare, and he's made me throw up during oral and said we needed to "train my throat" while I cleaned myself up. He had almost no reaction when I told him about my childhood abuse or my past abusive ex. He couldn't run the household even if I asked.

I guess I'm posting because part of me still wonders if I'm being unfair, if he's just traumatized and trying. But writing it all out, I don't know how I keep landing back at "maybe it's me." Has anyone been here? How did you know it was time to stop trying?