u/PrettyPistol87

i’m prior army in the US. It is hard for me to have connections with people as I grew up neglected but bonded hard with my army coworkers in an environment suited for survivors and I did very well to mask and perform in my 20s and 30s.

For the life of me I couldn’t understand how to get over an “ex” so easily which was what I was supposed to do when I lost an FP. I didn’t know about CPTSD/BPD back then and just dismissed it as me being obsessive and immature.

Yeah i need to be kinder to myself my subconscious inner child will always demand to heal her mother/father would and demand to be seen and have someone ready at text like a parent to receive me.

Got it. Unfortunately, I cannot control my nervous system when cues from life process into my brain and my brain says wow this person is a long lost relative bc they are former military like you and are now “seeing you” aka emotional love bombing.

Yeah: I know what is going on now bc my one coworker is being emo w me like he senses i need that male support - no sir i don’t need it but inside me something screams please see me and cuddle me.

this is just my coworker but we speak the same military language so my bpd demands a sibling equivalent connection and i refuse to start doing the things that create drama down the road - i will remain an emotional silo but i will allow myself to feel the sensation of being briefly admired by someone - that doesn’t want to bond as a missing family member which is what is BPD mirrors.