u/Pretty_Solution_7955

I have been on and off in several well known dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, Meetup, Lovoo etc, in order to find someone genuine who is truly looking for a relationship and commitment to build a serious and meaningful connection.

But Alas! It's full of wierd people, either don't communicate, or only want sex, they have no emotional maturity, many of them are scammers, or they ghost out of nowhere. It has taken a toll into my mental health.

Is it really possible to get someone truly genuine and find soulmate through dating apps? Does this even work or am I doing something wrong?

I have been wondering, is this even true to get someone better than your ex who loved you to the feelings you felt for the first time in your life, the gestures, care that he took of you, but ultimately left you alone because he was not willing to fix the damages caused by both of us.

I have been on and off on dating platforms after more than a year from the breakup, and it really sucks. Nobody knows commitment, integrity and loyalty, no conversation goes deeper, no connections feel real.

I am afraid of not having the same emotional attachment and bonds that I used to have with my ex. I feel terrible sometimes and blame myself for not being a better person while in the relationship

I don’t know if I believe a soulmate is always the person we end up with. Sometimes I think a soulmate is someone who enters your life and shows you a part of yourself you were never able to see alone. They expose your tenderness, wounds, fear of abandonment, capacity to love, and sometimes even the parts of you that still need healing.

Maybe the mistake is thinking “soulmate” means ownership, permanence, or a guaranteed ending. Maybe some souls meet deeply, change each other honestly, and still cannot build a life together. That does not make the connection fake. It just means not every sacred thing is meant to be kept. Some people are not our forever home, rather they are the mirror that finally makes us return to ourselves.

Rock bottom at least forces a decision. But “fine” is sneaky. Fine lets you waste months, even years, because nothing is burning badly enough. You are not happy, but you are functioning. You are not growing, but you are not collapsing. You are tired, but not desperate. So you keep waiting for some dramatic moment to change you.

I think most lives do not fall apart loudly. They shrink quietly. One avoided decision at a time, one honest conversation postponed, or one dream made “realistic” until it disappears. So maybe the sign to change is not that everything is ruined, but the sign is that you already know what you are avoiding, and it is costing you a version of yourself you have not even met yet.

I used to think I could not let go because the love was too rare. But lately I wonder if part of me stayed attached because the pain finally had a face. It is easier to miss one person than to admit they became the place where all my older fears gathered. Few examples are, not being chosen, not being enough, being easy to leave. Sometimes we do not only grieve the relationship. We grieve the version of ourselves who thought, “Maybe this time someone will stay and prove the past wrong.”

That realization is painful, but also freeing. Because maybe healing is not forcing ourselves to stop loving someone. Maybe healing is learning to separate the person from the wound they activated. To say: “Yes, I loved them. Yes, they hurt me. But not all of this pain belongs to them.” I think that is where emotional intelligence begins; when we stop turning one person into the judge, the medicine, and the proof of our worth.

​

Been on dating apps for almost about a year. On Tinder I get a lots of match, but no progress whatsoever. On Bumble I rarely get matches, so on Hinge. I am looking for a serious grown-up man who understands the value of companionship and willing to build something together after getting to know each other properly. But nobody is interested in deep and meaningful conversation.

I am tired of such fucked up dating culture. Meeting people in person randomly also not an easy solution as at early 30s, most of the acquaintance and colleagues are engaged already. I feel like I am not gonna experience love again after a terrible breakup left me heartbroken for a long time 🥲

I have been using Bumble since a year now. I get very few matches despite being woman 😂. I swipe quite frequently but almost no matches, two or three at best in a while.

What might be the reason? I have changed my location few months back, but in Europe for the whole time.