u/PrincessSarahYY

Okay so boom: Last Month, my friend (lets call her Vikki) hooked me up with this guy (lets call him Shawn) at a party her and I hosted. Things moved quickly with us. The only problem is that he was recently out of a relationship. Shawn told me that he loved me on the first date, but he wanted to take things slow and didnt want to turn me into another rebound because he was one in the past, and it genuinely hurt him. I believed him like a dumbass. Things ended shortly but in that short time we spent ALOT of time together and fell for eachother HARD. At the end, he told me he needed space and didnt want me coming to his house as often, I agreed to do that. Shawn told me he'd call me, brochacho ended up ghosting me for 3 days. He then messaged me telling me he didn't want to continue seeing me. I messaged him back expressing my emotions; he ended up ghosting me again, never heard from him sense.

This whole time, Vikki knew what was going on because I would update her on everything. She said that he's more of her boyfriend's friend and coworker, and she doesn't know much about him. She just knew he was single and that he was my type, which is understandable. She also told me that she didnt approve of how he went about things, but she cares about both of us and that him and I will cross paths in the future when it comes to parties and shit. I agreed because I thought that maybe him and I would smooth things over, or that him and I seeing eachother will be farther down in the future after I was healed and ready to move on. He seriously did huge damage to my self-esteem and how I view men/dating overall. Vikki is aware of the mental damage he has done to me.

Fast forward this week: Vikki invited me to her birthday BBQ, and I was excited to go. The party is in 2 days (Saturday). Today I was out with 2 of my other friends (let's call them Kat and Sarah) to get all-you-can-eat sushi from Trappers when I suddenly received a text from Vikki telling me that Shawn was coming and that I and my other friend, Kat, had to act cordial. I suffer from BPD, and so when I get news like this, I crash out. I start hyperventilating because the truth is that I already had a vision of this happening. I start crying in the middle of the restaurant uncontrollably. I ended up not ordering anything because I was too upset to eat.

I texted Vikki that I cannot attend; she says that she hopes I change my mind. Kat proceeded to text Vikki and tell her that I'm hyperventilating and asking what was Shawn's reaction to me possibly attending was, because Kat is the type of girl who likes to see people's energies to get a whole grasp of a situation; Vikki refused to answer and said that it's not relevant. Kat asked Vikki if she could get on call, Vikki refused and said shes not going to negotiate.

Now here are my friend's opinions and personalities:

Vikki is the no-nonsense girl with little to no patience; her mentality is "I don't give a fuck about what happens between people. Act like adults or don't show up at all." Sarah is a girl who's more passive; she's the type of girl that if you bump into her on purpose, she will apologize to you. Kat is the complete opposite; she's confrontational with attitude. Kat told me I should go regardless because I shouldn't let this man ruin my fun and give him power over me. She offered to go with me for emotional support. Sarah says I should stay with my impulsive decision and not go because I'm not mentally well and she is scared I wouldn't have a good time. Vikki views both Shawn and me as friends and hopes I change my mind about not coming.

I feel somewhat betrayed; I feel like Vikki understands where I'm coming from but doesn't really care because she's more focused on her party. I feel like this situation has a lot of nuance, and multiple things can be true at once:

A. Vikki has every right to invite whoever she wants to her party, especially since she did technically warn me prior about seeing him again later in the future. I just didnt think it'll be so soon
B. But at the same time, it's not a good idea to invite 2 people who recently just got out of a very intimate stage. Thats just room for disaster, and it's not very considerate of other people's feelings

Personally, I wouldn't invite 2 people who just got out of a situation like this, especially if it's pretty recent. If I wanted both to come, I would check with the person who was hurt before making the decision to invite the person who hurt them. But at the same time, not everyone has my morals, and not everyone is as emotional and empathetic as me. I don't want her to uninvite Shawn; that's insanity. I just wish she consoled me prior instead of dropping the bomb on me 2 days before the party. I feel like she's being somewhat inconsiderate, especially since she was the one who hooked us up in the first place and knew the impact it has had on me. But at the same time she's not completely in the wrong for inviting who she wants to her party.

My other friends are split. Some are telling me to go and just celebrate her birthday, others are saying to cut Vikki off and not go. I feel like if I don't go but stay friends with Vikki I'll have some built up secret animosity towards her. Friends are telling me that she isnt a true friend, because they would never put their own friend in that position. Others are saying to celebrate her birthday and to not let that man ruin a friendship. I was thinking of maybe taking a break from her as an alternative, you know? Like maybe text her about how I feel, tell her I need some space, and not attend her party. So, what do yall think, AITAH? I just don't know if I should suck it up, buy a new bikini, strut my stuff and try to have a good time, or if I should not go and possibly cut her off.

EDIT: Want to add clarification because Im now getting comments of people blaming me for why Shawn ended things. I was love bombed. He told me he loved me on the first date, bought me gifts, even was even talking about me possibly moving into his house because he knows about my physically abusive family. In response, I was cooking and cleaning his house for him, packing him lunches and delivering them to his work because I thought his words were real. According to him, he left because he couldn't get over his ex but remember, prior to that, he said he didn't want me to be a rebound and that he genuinely cared for me and saw a future for us. Him ghosting me and then ending things over text was not because of me; it was because of him. I dont appreciate the victim blaming at all, be respectful.

Okay so boom: Last Month, my friend (lets call her Vikki) hooked me up with this guy (lets call him Shawn) at a party her and I hosted. Things moved quickly with us. The only problem is that he was recently out of a relationship. Shawn told me that he loved me on the first date, but he wanted to take things slow and didnt want to turn me into another rebound because he was one in the past, and it genuinely hurt him. I believed him like a dumbass. Things ended shortly but in that short time we spent ALOT of time together and fell for eachother HARD. At the end, he told me he needed space and didnt want me coming to his house as often, I agreed to do that. Shawn told me he'd call me, brochacho ended up ghosting me for 3 days. He then messaged me telling me he didn't want to continue seeing me. I messaged him back expressing my emotions; he ended up ghosting me again, never heard from him sense.

This whole time, Vikki knew what was going on because I would update her on everything. She said that he's more of her boyfriend's friend and coworker, and she doesn't know much about him. She just knew he was single and that he was my type, which is understandable. She also told me that she didnt approve of how he went about things, but she cares about both of us and that him and I will cross paths in the future when it comes to parties and shit. I agreed because I thought that maybe him and I would smooth things over, or that him and I seeing eachother will be farther down in the future after I was healed and ready to move on. He seriously did huge damage to my self-esteem and how I view men/dating overall. Vikki is aware of the mental damage he has done to me.

Fast forward this week: Vikki invited me to her birthday BBQ, and I was excited to go. The party is in 2 days (Saturday). Today I was out with 2 of my other friends (let's call them Kat and Sarah) to get all-you-can-eat sushi from Trappers when I suddenly received a text from Vikki telling me that Shawn was coming and that I and my other friend, Kat, had to act cordial. I suffer from BPD, and so when I get news like this, I crash out. I start hyperventilating because the truth is that I already had a vision of this happening. I start crying in the middle of the restaurant uncontrollably. I ended up not ordering anything because I was too upset to eat.

I texted Vikki that I cannot attend; she says that she hopes I change my mind. Kat proceeded to text Vikki and tell her that I'm hyperventilating and asking what was Shawn's reaction to me possibly attending was, because Kat is the type of girl who likes to see people's energies to get a whole grasp of a situation; Vikki refused to answer and said that it's not relevant. Kat asked Vikki if she could get on call, Vikki refused and said shes not going to negotiate.

Now here are my friend's opinions and personalities:

Vikki is the no-nonsense girl with little to no patience; her mentality is "I don't give a fuck about what happens between people. Act like adults or don't show up at all." Sarah is a girl who's more passive; she's the type of girl that if you bump into her on purpose, she will apologize to you. Kat is the complete opposite; she's confrontational with attitude. Kat told me I should go regardless because I shouldn't let this man ruin my fun and give him power over me. She offered to go with me for emotional support. Sarah says I should stay with my impulsive decision and not go because I'm not mentally well and she is scared I wouldn't have a good time. Vikki views both Shawn and me as friends and hopes I change my mind about not coming.

I feel somewhat betrayed; I feel like Vikki understands where I'm coming from but doesn't really care because she's more focused on her party. I feel like this situation has a lot of nuance, and multiple things can be true at once:

A. Vikki has every right to invite whoever she wants to her party, especially since she did technically warn me prior about seeing him again later in the future. I just didnt think it'll be so soon
B. But at the same time, it's not a good idea to invite 2 people who recently just got out of a very intimate stage. Thats just room for disaster, and it's not very considerate of other people's feelings

Personally, I wouldn't invite 2 people who just got out of a situation like this, especially if it's pretty recent. If I wanted both to come, I would check with the person who was hurt before making the decision to invite the person who hurt them. But at the same time, not everyone has my morals, and not everyone is as emotional and empathetic as me. I don't want her to uninvite Shawn; that's insanity. I just wish she consoled me prior instead of dropping the bomb on me 2 days before the party. I feel like she's being somewhat inconsiderate, especially since she was the one who hooked us up in the first place and knew the impact it has had on me. But at the same time she's not completely in the wrong for inviting who she wants to her party.

My other friends are split. Some are telling me to go and just celebrate her birthday, others are saying to cut Vikki off and not go. I feel like if I don't go but stay friends with Vikki I'll have some built up secret animosity towards her. Friends are telling me that she isnt a true friend, because they would never put their own friend in that position. Others are saying to celebrate her birthday and to not let that man ruin a friendship. I was thinking of maybe taking a break from her as an alternative, you know? Like maybe text her about how I feel, tell her I need some space, and not attend her party. So, what do yall think? I just don't know if I should suck it up, buy a new bikini, strut my stuff and try to have a good time, or if I should not go and possibly cut her off.

EDIT: Want to add clarification because Im now getting comments of people blaming me for why Shawn ended things. I was love bombed. He told me he loved me on the first date, bought me gifts, even was even talking about me possibly moving into his house because he knows about my physically abusive family. In response, I was cooking and cleaning his house for him, packing him lunches and delivering them to his work because I thought his words were real. According to him, he left because he couldn't get over his ex but remember, prior to that, he said he didn't want me to be a rebound and that he genuinely cared for me and saw a future for us. Him ghosting me and then ending things over text was not because of me; it was because of him. I dont appreciate the victim blaming at all, be respectful.

UPDATE: I ended up sending her a word document explaining how I felt with the result of telling her to put our friendship on pause. She expressed her side, saying that she didnt fully grasps how heavy I felt about the situation and claimed she didnt know everything that went on between Shawn and I. She also said that she didnt give Kat energy because she didnt like her getting involved, which is understandable. I explained more in detail about what Shawn did to me and reminded her that I DID tell her these things prior when they were happening.

I showed her the reddit post and the comments, she didnt like how most of the comments were negative, and felt like I was painting her to be a conniving bitch. She then told me she didnt want to talk about it anymore. I explained to her that it wasn't my intentions and that I stayed unbiased for the first part when explaining the story, and then chose the 2nd part to express how I personally felt and that I pointed out MANY TIMES that she did warn me prior and that it's still her party and she can invite who she wants to. I wished her a happy birthday afterwards.

She ended up telling me that she was going to 'pull a Shawn and not respond anymore.' That hurt me alot, such a low blow. Especially since I just poured my heart out to her about how he hurt me. I responded by telling her that was mean and calling out her hypocrisy about her always saying 'act like an adult,' yet here she is using Shawn's name as a way to hurt me in an immature way. I kicked her from our friend GC, and I sent the screenshots to our mutual friends so they can grasp the situation on why she's kicked. I told all of them that I dont mind them staying friends with her, but this is the reason why she's kicked and that I'm no longer her friend. Thank you all for your kind words and wisdom.