u/Proper-Idea9302

Wuh luh… uh… tuh (nb wuh???)

I was talking with my brother abt my crush bc he KNOWS cause it’s not like I know what to do. anyways, I know Huzz=Husband, but they’re nonbinary (they said they don’t mind she/her, but I’m too scared to ask if they meant she/they or they/them but they dc IDKK) ANYWAYS. Me and my brother came up with Wizz=Wife and Pazz=partner.

im out camping and my WiFi is RLLY bad (im stealing my brothers so i can make this) BUT IVE BARELY TALKED TO THEM LATELY AND I MISS EMMM AAAAA 😔 ive never had a crush but this one is so FULL FORCE. I want to be around them, talk to them (idek HOW, im bad at that), see them, compliment them, laugh with them, make them happy. I just PRAY our friend group doesn’t see us weirdly or smth, but I mean, even if they do, NOTHING is stopping me from getting pazz besides THEM if they say NO. (consent is sexy ykyk)

my moms okay with it ( homosexuality; I can never really tell yknow?? she is transphobic tho so I couldn’t tell her that. but we can’t bave sleepovers anymore. I couldn’t make her birthday way anyways, BUT IDK WHAT TO SAY NEXT TIME RAAHG) , not sure if my father figure knows (maybe she told him), my brother is gay too so like… he hates hearing me talk abt em but IDCCC

thats all. bleh

I’m going to the waterpark tmmr before I go camping.

fucking hell. I hate swimsuits. I hate being overweight. I hate how female swimsuits are always so tight and i can barely ever find anything non-sexual. I hate how broad my shoulders are. I’m a minor and the best I found was an open back black swimsuit with a high thigh “short.”

”just wear a suit-suit thingy” Im autistic and have sensory issues. I think I’d rather just..NOT. Im sitting here crying, having tried on my swimsuit to see if it still fit and, while it does, I still hate this piece of shit. I don’t want to go to the waterpark like this. I do want to GO, I love waterparks, I just hate my body and hate this swimsuit and I hate everything.

Im gonna try to get my mother to let me just.. wear normal clothes and not get in the water, but she won’t. I know she won’t. It’s too late to get anything, seeing as any stores like Walmart or target are not bound to have swimsuits that look like big tshirts and big shorts (I think that’s the only thing I’d be happy with atp.) so. that’s all ig. :[ have a splendid day, reader :)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. MY FRIEND ASKED ME (RANDOMLY) WHO I WOULD DATE IN THE FRIENDGROUP AND I ANSWERED MY CRUSH ALL ~N O N C H A L A N T L Y~ BC WE’RE PLATONIC WIVES AND SHE TRIED TO CALL ME WHILE WE’RE AT A RESTRAUNT AND IM KINDA SCARED CAUSE WE DONT TALK OVER TEXT ALOT SO SMTH OBVIOUSLY PROMPTED THIS.

AND I finally came out to my mom!!! semi!!! I told her i like girls (not that I’m pots and pan) AND SHES FINE WITH IT but I can’t have a sleepover with her anymore so idk what I’m gonna do for her bday :(

BUT AGGGHHHHHH THE SIGNSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ive never had a crush before. Thought I was aroace for awhile but noooope. out of the blue, just “hey, she’s really kind and always there for me and she’s like actually hella pretty“ AAAAARGGHHH. Before you go ‘this is you’re first crush, first bsf, you could be confused’ I’ve been thinking abt this for months and HOLY it is getting WORSE 😨

We jokingly say the FREAKIEST, the most ATROCIOUS things to each other, we are “platonic wives” (we’re both girls jsyk), we’ve gotten much closer recently (I am MONUMENTALLY happy, i love her SM, she’s so COOL and AWESOME and SUPPORTIVE and AAAAAAAH.

BUT. The main reason I’m making this post is because I feel more guilty than I thought was possible. How could someone like ME like HER. I feel gross for liking her when her last gf did literally horrible things and was SENT AWAY FOR THOSE THINGS. And, not to mention, I have self esteem so low it could rival some very popular anime characters iyk what I mean.

AND I really think I should open up abt personal issues before I go all “I’ve actually liked you for a really long time and I’ve talked to my brother for advice because even though he’s YOUNGER and somehow had a gf BEFORE ME he oughtta know something, right? well, he didn’t, so I thought for a really long time and-“ and then just YAPPING for 273 hours. I can barely even start a conversation abt emotions without wanting to implode.

so that’s fun and dandy. :D

Not in a depressed way, but as a little kid I use to think death was practically “out to get me” and quicksand, or tornados, or serial killers, or literally anything else was very common. 98% sure it’s media consumed that caused this. It always made me incredibly sad randomly, thinking “i have to live this day to the most” in case I just randomly got crushed by a piano the next day lol.

Not really in a ‘my life was so sad’ way, more as in a ‘I was a kid and nobody informed me’ way, if that makes sense. I‘ve also literally never heard anyone else mention it, so I chalked it up as a ’we all unanimously agreed to just never mention it,’ but now I’m curious.

I sh’d yesterday and, like, five minutes ago. My fever is fully setting in. I don’t think cat scratches can cause a fever, but idk. I can’t really look it up, so. My best friend told me to get medicine but I just told them no over and over again until they gave up. I’m so fucking cold, and I have like four thick blankets on me. I’m pretty sure that’s good to reduce fevers?? or bad?? I don’t know. I can’t look it up. I feel more dizzy then I usually do, my stomach hurts (inside and out), my head hurts, and my eyes hurt. It’s not like I have any right to complain, seeing as how I took horrible care of myself and still refuse to get medicine. But idk. My bff is worried. I hate that they are. I hate making people worried. But I also love how she actually cares about me. I feel so shitty and gross and cold and in pain. that’s all. Thanks for coming to my not-very-Ted talk. :)