u/PsychologicalRing160

I've been struggling with dating and I'm wondering if anyone here can relate or has any advice.

I'm on a dating app because I do genuinely want a partner someday. I matched with someone and we texted for about a week. We got along really well over text, so we went on our first date.

I have to admit something I'm not proud of: when I first saw her in person, I was a bit disappointed because I found her pictures more attractive than how she looked in real life. I still thought she was kind of cute though, and overall we got along well.

Like most of my conversations, there were quite a few awkward silences. It's not that I wasn't interested - I just find it exhausting to constantly think of things to say or questions to ask. Social interaction takes a lot of effort for me.

After the date, she told me that she likes me and wants to see me again.

The problem is... instead of feeling excited, I mostly feel overwhelmed.

Just thinking about another date already makes me feel pressured. Right now I'd honestly rather be alone. The dates tend to be in the evening, which completely messes up my sleep schedule, and my routines are incredibly important to me. We also live about an hour apart, so every date is a significant time commitment. My everyday life already feels like it's running at full capacity.

On top of that, I regularly have phases where I simply don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to be by myself. From past experience, I know that this can come across as cold or rejecting, even though it has nothing to do with the other person.

She doesn't know that I'm autistic yet. I don't think it's something I needed to bring up on a first date, especially because I mask pretty well. But if we meet again, I feel like I should tell her so she doesn't develop expectations that I probably can't meet.

She should know that:

• I'm not very romantic, and I don't naturally express affection in typical ways.
• Sometimes I don't feel like communicating, and it isn't personal.
• I don't enjoy spontaneous adventures or a very exciting lifestyle.
• I rely heavily on routines, and unexpected changes can be genuinely distressing.
• I can come across as overly rational or not emotionally expressive, even though I do care.

Part of me is even wondering whether I'd secretly feel relieved if she decided not to continue dating me after hearing all of that.

There's another thing that's a bit embarrassing to admit. During our date, I noticed that I really didn't like her natural body scent. It wasn't perfume, sweat, or bad hygiene—just her natural smell. I know this sounds shallow, but physical scent is incredibly important to me, and if I don't like how someone naturally smells, I find it very difficult to feel attracted to them. I don't know if this is an autism/sensory thing or just a personal preference.

I keep running into problems like this when dating. It feels like I only have a limited "social battery" for spending time with a partner before I start feeling overwhelmed. I do want a relationship, but actually maintaining one often feels impossible.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you tell the difference between genuine incompatibility and your autistic brain just wanting to retreat into its comfort zone? And would you go on a second date in my situation, or would you end things now before either of us gets more invested?

I've been on Strattera for about 3.5 months now. I started at 25 mg and gradually increased my dose to 60 mg. I've been taking 60 mg for the past 6 weeks.

Overall, I'm actually pretty happy with the effects on my ADHD symptoms and my anxiety. I feel much calmer, less overwhelmed, and my anxiety is definitely more manageable.

The only thing that's worrying me is how tired I still am. I'm currently on vacation, and I honestly feel like I could sleep for half the day if I wanted to. In one way it's nice because I feel so relaxed, but at the same time I'm wondering if this is still normal after being on the medication for this long.

I've also noticed that my motivation isn't great. Instead of wanting to go out and do lots of things during my vacation, I'm mostly just happy to relax and chill.

Has anyone else experienced this after several months on Strattera? Did the tiredness and lack of motivation improve over time, or did they stick around?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

I've noticed that whenever I'm off work for a longer period, I kind of lose all my structure. Without my normal routine, I have a hard time getting anything done, but at the same time I often don't even know what I want to do.

I also put a lot of expectations on myself. I think things like, "I should exercise regularly," "I should plan some day trips," or "I should finally work on my hobbies." But in reality, I already struggle with something as basic as making lunch, because at work I always eat in the cafeteria and don't have to think about it.

After a few days, I often end up feeling like I'm slipping into a mix of burnout and depression. The current heat doesn't help either—it makes me feel really overstimulated and drains what little energy I have left.

The weird part is that I don't even feel motivated to plan bigger activities, even though I know staying home all day doesn't make me feel better either.

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you deal with it? Do you have strategies for creating structure during vacations or days off without making it feel like another job?

I've noticed that whenever I'm off work for a longer period, I kind of lose all my structure. Without my normal routine, I have a hard time getting anything done, but at the same time I often don't even know what I want to do.

I also put a lot of expectations on myself. I think things like, "I should exercise regularly," "I should plan some day trips," or "I should finally work on my hobbies." But in reality, I already struggle with something as basic as making lunch, because at work I always eat in the cafeteria and don't have to think about it.

After a few days, I often end up feeling like I'm slipping into a mix of burnout and depression. The current heat doesn't help either—it makes me feel really overstimulated and drains what little energy I have left.

The weird part is that I don't even feel motivated to plan bigger activities, even though I know staying home all day doesn't make me feel better either.

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you deal with it? Do you have strategies for creating structure during vacations or days off without making it feel like another job?

I have one computer game that somehow brings out the absolute worst combination of my ADHD and autistic traits.

It's a railway dispatching/signal control game where you have to plan train routes, manage traffic, and complete schedules as efficiently as possible. On paper it sounds relaxing, but for me it's the exact opposite.

The game triggers my hyperfocus and perfectionism to an extreme degree. Once I start, my brain refuses to let go. I keep thinking, "Just one more train... I can optimize this section... I can make this timetable run perfectly."

Before I know it, 6–10 hours have passed.

During that time I don't notice that I'm hungry. I don't drink anything. I don't get up. I ignore bathroom breaks for far too long. It's like the rest of the world completely disappears until I'm either exhausted or something external forces me to stop.

The strange thing is that I don't even know if I'm actually enjoying it after a certain point. It feels more like my brain has locked onto a problem that must be solved perfectly.

I don't have this reaction with most games—just this one.

At this point, I'm honestly starting to think I may just have to stop playing it altogether. It doesn't seem like I can engage with it in a healthy or balanced way, and that's frustrating because I genuinely love the game. But the way it completely takes over my brain just doesn't feel sustainable.

Does anyone else have a game or hobby that seems to completely override your ability to stop? Did you find a way to set healthy limits, or did you eventually decide it just wasn't worth it and had to let it go?

I had a date yesterday. Overall, it actually went pretty well. We got along, the conversation was good, and there weren't any major issues.

But there's one thing that has been bothering me ever since: I just couldn't stand the way my date smelled. They weren't unhygienic or anything—it was simply their natural body odor that I found very unpleasant. Unfortunately, I already know from past experience that this isn't something I can just ignore or "get used to."

It's honestly making me feel pretty down because it seems like it's always these seemingly small things that end up ruining an otherwise promising connection. I know many people could probably overlook something like this, but my brain just latches onto it and I can't tune it out.

Interestingly, this isn't the first time I've noticed this with someone who's vegan. I'm wondering if it could have something to do with diet—maybe eating a lot of legumes or certain other foods—or if it's just a coincidence. I'm not trying to criticize vegans or make a blanket statement; I'm simply talking about my own experience and wondering whether anyone else has noticed something similar.

Can anyone else here relate to this as an autistic person? Have you ever had a date where everything seemed fine except for one sensory issue—especially someone's natural scent—and found that you just couldn't move past it?

I'm feeling pretty discouraged right now because it feels like it's always these little sensory things that get in the way of what could otherwise have been a great connection.

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if anyone else struggles with the transition from work to home as much as I do.

My typical day starts at 6 AM. I commute about an hour by train, start work around 8 AM, then commute another hour back home. By the time I get home it's usually between 5 and 6 PM.

The problem is that when I arrive home, I feel completely stuck. I'm tired, mentally exhausted, and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Most of the time I end up lying on the couch scrolling on my phone. The constant input from my phone doesn't really help though—it actually makes me feel more restless and unsettled.

What makes it even harder is that I don't really feel motivated to do anything after work at the moment. I don't have a special interest or hyperfocus that is currently pulling me in, so there isn't anything I'm particularly excited to get home to. It's like I'm too tired to do something productive, but also too restless to properly relax.

A while ago I got back into computer gaming, especially train simulators. But that quickly turned into spending hours and hours at the computer, often late into the night because I couldn't stop. I also realized that it probably isn't great for me since I already spend my entire workday in front of a computer.

I'm also sleeping badly at the moment because of the heat, which probably doesn't help. Fortunately I can usually nap a bit on the train ride home, so I get some recovery there.

I sometimes wonder whether this is related to autistic inertia, difficulties with transitions, autistic burnout, or something else entirely.

Does anyone else experience this feeling of getting home and just not knowing what to do with yourself? How do you handle the transition from work mode to home mode? Do you have any routines, activities, or strategies that help?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if anyone else struggles with the transition from work to home as much as I do.

My typical day starts at 6 AM. I commute about an hour by train, start work around 8 AM, then commute another hour back home. By the time I get home it's usually between 5 and 6 PM.

The problem is that when I arrive home, I feel completely stuck. I'm tired, mentally exhausted, and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Most of the time I end up lying on the couch scrolling on my phone. The constant input from my phone doesn't really help though—it actually makes me feel more restless and unsettled.

What makes it even harder is that I don't really feel motivated to do anything after work at the moment. I don't have a special interest or hyperfocus that is currently pulling me in, so there isn't anything I'm particularly excited to get home to. It's like I'm too tired to do something productive, but also too restless to properly relax.

A while ago I got back into computer gaming, especially train simulators. But that quickly turned into spending hours and hours at the computer, often late into the night because I couldn't stop. I also realized that it probably isn't great for me since I already spend my entire workday in front of a computer.

I'm also sleeping badly at the moment because of the heat, which probably doesn't help. Fortunately I can usually nap a bit on the train ride home, so I get some recovery there.

I sometimes wonder whether this is related to autistic inertia, difficulties with transitions, autistic burnout, or something else entirely.

Does anyone else experience this feeling of getting home and just not knowing what to do with yourself? How do you handle the transition from work mode to home mode? Do you have any routines, activities, or strategies that help?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

Today I passed 3 months on Strattera. First month 25mg, second month 50mg, third month 60mg.

With 25 and 50mg I had good results first two weeks, then the good results disappeared until the next dose increase. The 60mg stayed pretty stable, maybe a little bit less effective at the end of week 4.

Overall I have a pretty good reduction of the worst ADHD symptoms. I still have side effects with urination and ejaculation but I can live with that.

What's annyoing me is that I am still pretty tired over the day and I feel a little bit depressed / low mood / emotionally flat. Fortunately, the emotional flatness is not that big like I had on Vyvanse which was difficult to tolerate over the time.

I have to say, that I am in general no emotional person. I have a tendency to feel a little bit depressed and emotional blunted. Maybe it's related to my autism I have also.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to my psychiatrist and I want to suggest upping the dose to 80mg. Maybe this will help. What do you guys think?

Some information before:

Two years ago I met a girl via dating app. Relatively early we found out we won't be a couple, but good friends. She is a psychological therapist. As we got to know better, she asked me If am autistic. At this time it wasn't that serious because in Germany, you don't learn much about autism at university.

She got interested more and more about autism and made some further education to be able to diagnose autism. After that, she said she is sure that I am on the spectrum. But, I wanted her to do a offical autism assesment to be sure.

Before starting the interview I've made the AQ-50 (Autism-Spectrum Quotient), EQ (Empathy Quotient) and CAT-Q (Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire) by own.

We had a five hour interview with test like Faux-Pas-Test (Theory of Mind) and ADOS-2 (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule).

Result: Asperger's autism (We still have ICD-10 in Germany)

The problem is, the diagnose isn't official accapteable, because we know each other private. But I had no need for it.

Now we're coming to the topic:

I started a therapy with a therapist (not known in private, of course) because I have some struggles with daily life. The funny thing is, this therapist worked at an autism supporting center in his early years.

Right after the first appointment, he said, that there is a high chance I have autism, not knowing the diagnose of my friend. But he also said, you can never be sure, it's a spectrum and its just a diagnose. Additionally he said, that you never can be really sure, because you have to know if it was already there as a kid.

Long story short, seemed like he won't say "Yes, I am sure, it is autism". Either way, we continued therapy and there have been a lot of topics where he said "Yes, that's a typical issue of autism".

Last week I told him that I met a ex-girlfriend suprisingly when I was jogging. After I stopped and saying "Hallo" and "How are you" there was silence and I had no idea what to tell or what to ask. So I said to her "I don't know what to say". She laughed and said "no problem" and I can "continue jogging". So I did.

I felt really emberassed directly afterwards because that felt really awkward and I though that she was upset maybe and I could think I don't want to talk to her (Which was the truth to be honest).

Now, my therapist says, that the fact I ask him for if I said something wrong or not social accepted speaks not for autism. Because autists normally don't recognize, that they something wrong.

Now I am confused. My friend said "Yes, you have no high score at th theroy of mind test, but overall, for her it's clear, that I have autism.

What do you think?

I am so embaressed ...

I was jogging my typical round where Imet my ex-girlfriend going for a walk with (I guess) a friend or a date.

Side note: We were together just a one or two months, several years ago, I wasn't diagnosed at this time. High masking at this time.

I was so overwhelmed and not prepared to meet someone ... We said "hello" ... "how are you" ... "good" ... than ... silence.

Than I said "I don't know what should I say" .... She laughed a little bit and said "It's okay, you can walk on" ... Then I walked on ...

I mean, she knows me a little bit but that I guess ... was much emberassing for both of us.

Is it a typical problem for people with Autism having problems with emotional communication?

I do care and feel connected to other people, but I struggle to express it in warm or affectionate words without it feeling forced, artificial or studied.

Unfortunetely, because of that people often feel distanced to me or don't feel appreciated enough.

I am really sad and don't know how to change.

Hello guys,

I got diagnosed last year (38 years old) and I think I can mask really good to get not recognized as an autistic that fast.

Today, one of my colleague had to supervise a young guy (20 years old) for a little bit testwork who is an autist.

I feel really bad because I was pretty annoyed by him. He was continuesly shouting for my colleague when he got a question and my colleague had to be at him immediately, so he didn’t stop to shout.

And I feel like an imposter because I can act quietly and follow the rules most of the times. Am I really autistic?

Interesting was that he seemed to not have that big problems with overstimulation while I was wearing ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones additionally.

Sorry for me English but can anyone relate?

I've started with Atomoxetine 4 weeks ago. First week with 25mg, than upped to 50mg. No big side effects except, just the "classic" ones like tiredness at the beginning.

I had a little bit of ups and downs with the improvement of my symptoms over the first weeks. Then it settled last week at the "lower end" of improvements. But, I definetely have some.

Today I had an appointment with my prescriber. I thougth he would up my dose to 80mg, instead of this, he talked about 75mg (3x25mg) or 60mg (1x60mg). At the end, we decided to go with the 60mg. He said we don't want to miss the right dose.

So my questions is if anybody felt some improvements by upping "just" 10mg?

Hell guys,

I have started with 25mg in the morning after breakfast for 7 days. Not much side effect besides of dry mouth, a little less appetite and tiredness of the day. Within the first few days I felt an improvement of my ADHD symptoms like more calmness in body and mind and a bit better emotional regulation. Because of the tiredness a did a nap every day if possible.

After 7 days I bumped up to 50mg where I am since 7 days now. I felt no big difference first, maybe a little less tired over the day. Round about 2-3 hours after taking it I feel a little bit dizzy and hyperactive which takes not much time. After that, I feel getting tired and calmness.

My problem now is that it feels like there isn't enough effect anymore in the evening. I start to get hyperactive again and getting hungry. In the monring I have "full ADHD" with racing thoughts until the next dose starts to work.

My sleep is okay. I wake up 1-2 times per night (same time every night) but can get back to slepp pretty easy. But I need a lot of sleep at night.

Before Stratterea I took Vyvanse where I had a smiliar problem. At evening I started to get very hungry and hyperactive which was a problem for me. Now I'm scared, this point will stay with Strattera also.

Any advice?

Next appointment with Doc is in two weeks (after 1 week 25mg and 3 weeks 50mg). Pretty sure he will go to 80mg.