u/Puzzled_Sun_173

A few days ago, I posted about my aunt, who passed away after spending six months in the ICU.

Since writing that post, I keep remembering more and more little things about her. Please let me share it with you.

Everything reminds me of her, especially at night when the house is quiet… I’m starting to realize how much of our home was… her.

She was the sweetest aunt ever but she had schizophrenia.

She got excited over the smallest things. She loved going out.

If we had a trip planned, we learned very quickly not to tell her too early. If I told her the day before, she’d get dressed right then and there and spend the rest of the day asking, “Are we going now? What about now?”

She’d ask over and over again because she was just so excited. Our little trick was to tell her only about an hour before we were leaving. Otherwise she’d become so naughty and impatient, constantly asking if it was finally time to go.

She loved grocery shopping more than anything.
Every morning except Sunday, she’d wake everyone up around 5:30 because she wanted to be the first one at the grocery store. She’d always say, “There will be a long queue if I don’t go early.”

There never was.

Maybe four people at most.

She just couldn’t wait to go.

Sometimes she’d get so excited that she’d sneak out before anyone noticed and even forget to close the front door.

Every day she’d go to Mass, no matter what the weather was like. It could be -15°C, raining hard, snowing… it didn’t matter.

She’d promise us that after mass she will come home straight.…but she’d secretly stop at her friends and cousins house or at the grocery store first to buy sweets, waffles, or ice cream (she was diabetic so we tried to limit her eating sweets).

One day I found a melted ice cream in her coat pocket. She had completely forgotten it was there.

It still makes me smile.

Every time I cook now, I remember her.

She’d watch me from the moment I started until I finished. She never rushed me. She’d just patiently wait because she knew I’d give her some when it was ready.

She loved little adventures.

Every other weekend, my husband and I would take her with us to church in another province. The service was in a foreign language she didn’t understand at all.

But she didn’t care.

She was just so happy to be there.

Everyone there knew her and everyone called her “Aunt.” They even made a printed guide just for her so she could follow along during the service.
We’d stay there for about four hours, and she never complained.

On the drive, she’d look out the window at the colorful apartment buildings and say, “I like that apartment” and I’ll joke that we will move there with her and she’d laugh.

Everyone in our little village knew her. She was born here, and wherever we went, someone seemed to know her.

Looking back now, I think she had already started slipping away before the accident.

She’d forget what I asked her to buy. I’d ask for cabbage, and she’d come home with carrots.

She’d forget she’d already drank her 3rd cup of coffee.

Sometimes she’d forget who people were.

She’d forget people we’ve just met.

She’d drink boiling hot water without realizing how hot it was. Other times we’d notice her lower lip was badly burned. Not just a small burn, almost her entire lower lip.

Sometimes she’d choke in water because she didn’t know when to swallow.

Then she stopped chewing her food properly.

She’d just swallow it.

At the time, I thought these were just little odd things.

She was slowly leaving us, little by little.

And now I still can’t believe she’s not here.

I keep expecting to hear her voice or see her getting ready to go somewhere.

It’s hard to accept that those ordinary moments are now just memories.

Now the house is quiet.

Too quiet.

And somehow, every room still reminds me of her.

A few days ago, I posted about my aunt, who passed away after spending six months in the ICU.

Since writing that post, I keep remembering more and more little things about her. Please let me share it with you.

Everything reminds me of her, especially at night when the house is quiet… I’m starting to realize how much of our home was… her.

She was the sweetest aunt ever but she had schizophrenia.

She got excited over the smallest things. She loved going out.

If we had a trip planned, we learned very quickly not to tell her too early. If I told her the day before, she’d get dressed right then and there and spend the rest of the day asking, “Are we going now? What about now?”

She’d ask over and over again because she was just so excited. Our little trick was to tell her only about an hour before we were leaving. Otherwise she’d become so naughty and impatient, constantly asking if it was finally time to go.

She loved grocery shopping more than anything.
Every morning except Sunday, she’d wake everyone up around 5:30 because she wanted to be the first one at the grocery store. She’d always say, “There will be a long queue if I don’t go early.”

There never was.

Maybe four people at most.

She just couldn’t wait to go.

Sometimes she’d get so excited that she’d sneak out before anyone noticed and even forget to close the front door.

Every day she’d go to Mass, no matter what the weather was like. It could be -15°C, raining hard, snowing… it didn’t matter.

She’d promise us that after mass she will come home straight.…but she’d secretly stop at her friends and cousins house or at the grocery store first to buy sweets, waffles, or ice cream (she was diabetic so we tried to limit her eating sweets).

One day I found a melted ice cream in her coat pocket. She had completely forgotten it was there.

It still makes me smile.

Every time I cook now, I remember her.

She’d watch me from the moment I started until I finished. She never rushed me. She’d just patiently wait because she knew I’d give her some when it was ready.

She loved little adventures.

Every other weekend, my husband and I would take her with us to church in another province. The service was in a foreign language she didn’t understand at all.

But she didn’t care.

She was just so happy to be there.

Everyone there knew her and everyone called her “Aunt.” They even made a printed guide just for her so she could follow along during the service.
We’d stay there for about four hours, and she never complained.

On the drive, she’d look out the window at the colorful apartment buildings and say, “I like that apartment” and I’ll joke that we will move there with her and she’d laugh.

Everyone in our little village knew her. She was born here, and wherever we went, someone seemed to know her.

Looking back now, I think she had already started slipping away before the accident.

She’d forget what I asked her to buy. I’d ask for cabbage, and she’d come home with carrots.

She’d forget she’d already drank her 3rd cup of coffee.

Sometimes she’d forget who people were.

She’d forget people we’ve just met.

She’d drink boiling hot water without realizing how hot it was. Other times we’d notice her lower lip was badly burned. Not just a small burn, almost her entire lower lip.

Sometimes she’d choke in water because she didn’t know when to swallow.

Then she stopped chewing her food properly.

She’d just swallow it.

At the time, I thought these were just little odd things.

She was slowly leaving us, little by little.

And now I still can’t believe she’s not here.

I keep expecting to hear her voice or see her getting ready to go somewhere.

It’s hard to accept that those ordinary moments are now just memories.

Now the house is quiet.

Too quiet.

And somehow, every room still reminds me of her.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
My husband’s aunt died a little over a week ago after spending six months in the ICU.

She had schizophrenia. She wasn’t dangerous or aggressive at all. If anything, she was more like a child. She needed reminders, got excited over little things, and once she liked something, she’d become completely obsessed with it.

To be honest, she drove us crazy most of the times.
There were days she’d decide she needed another shower… and another one… and another one. I’d tell her, “You already took your 4th shower 30mins ago.”

She’d say okay.

Then five minutes later she’d quietly sneak back into the bathroom thinking I wouldn’t notice. Some nights I’d hear the shower running again at midnight, then at 1 a.m., then at 2 a.m.

I even started taking my slippers off before walking to the bathroom because if she heard me awake, she’d wake up too and decide it was shower time again.

Back then I’d get so frustrated.

Now I’d give anything to hear that shower one more time.

The weird part is… I can barely remember those six months she was in the hospital. I know I visited her all the time, put lotion on her skin, celebrated her bday there with her, played her favorite songs, massaged her slightly and talked to her.

I know I spent months hoping she’d wake up.

But when I think about her now, my mind skips right over the ICU.

I just remember her at home.

Every morning she’d hear me getting ready for work. Somehow she always knew I was awake. She’d get out of bed and make herself breakfast because she knew I’d sit with her while she ate.
Then I’d leave for work, and she’d stand behind the front door until I was outside so she could lock it.

Every single morning.

If it was cold outside, she’d ask if I had my scarf or my hat. Sometimes I’d pretend I’d forgotten them just because I knew she’d remind me. Looking back, I think I just liked hearing her fuss over me.

One memory keeps coming back over and over.

One day I asked her to buy milk.
Normally she’d buy groceries and come straight home, so when I got home from work and she wasn’t there, we started looking for her.
We eventually found her at the train station.
She had been standing there for almost three hours.
It was winter. It was already dark. She was still holding the milk.

She thought I’d come there, so she just… waited.
I still don’t understand why she thought I’d be there, but she never let go of that milk because I had asked her to buy it.

Another thing that’s been eating at me is that she used to ask me to go to Mass with her.

Almost every day.

I’d usually say I was tired or busy.
At the time I was finishing the last semester of my master’s degree, writing my thesis from scratch, managing two clients, and then our lives became hospital visits.

I always thought, *I’ll go with her another time.*

Turns out there wasn’t another time.
Now the house feels different.
No one waits behind the door anymore.
No one reminds me to take my scarf.
No one gets excited just because I’m awake and sitting with them while they eat breakfast.

It’s strange. I spent six months preparing myself to lose her.

Now that she’s actually gone, it still doesn’t feel real.

I just miss her.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
My husband’s aunt died a little over a week ago after spending six months in the ICU.

She had schizophrenia. She wasn’t dangerous or aggressive at all. If anything, she was more like a child. She needed reminders, got excited over little things, and once she liked something, she’d become completely obsessed with it.

To be honest, she drove us crazy most of the times.
There were days she’d decide she needed another shower… and another one… and another one. I’d tell her, “You already took your 4th shower 30mins ago.”

She’d say okay.

Then five minutes later she’d quietly sneak back into the bathroom thinking I wouldn’t notice. Some nights I’d hear the shower running again at midnight, then at 1 a.m., then at 2 a.m.

I even started taking my slippers off before walking to the bathroom because if she heard me awake, she’d wake up too and decide it was shower time again.

Back then I’d get so frustrated.

Now I’d give anything to hear that shower one more time.

The weird part is… I can barely remember those six months she was in the hospital. I know I visited her all the time, put lotion on her skin, celebrated her bday there with her, played her favorite songs, massaged her slightly and talked to her.

I know I spent months hoping she’d wake up.

But when I think about her now, my mind skips right over the ICU.

I just remember her at home.

Every morning she’d hear me getting ready for work. Somehow she always knew I was awake. She’d get out of bed and make herself breakfast because she knew I’d sit with her while she ate.
Then I’d leave for work, and she’d stand behind the front door until I was outside so she could lock it.

Every single morning.

If it was cold outside, she’d ask if I had my scarf or my hat. Sometimes I’d pretend I’d forgotten them just because I knew she’d remind me. Looking back, I think I just liked hearing her fuss over me.

One memory keeps coming back over and over.

One day I asked her to buy milk.
Normally she’d buy groceries and come straight home, so when I got home from work and she wasn’t there, we started looking for her.
We eventually found her at the train station.
She had been standing there for almost three hours.
It was winter. It was already dark. She was still holding the milk.

She thought I’d come there, so she just… waited.
I still don’t understand why she thought I’d be there, but she never let go of that milk because I had asked her to buy it.

Another thing that’s been eating at me is that she used to ask me to go to Mass with her.

Almost every day.

I’d usually say I was tired or busy.
At the time I was finishing the last semester of my master’s degree, writing my thesis from scratch, managing two clients, and then our lives became hospital visits.

I always thought, I’ll go with her another time.

Turns out there wasn’t another time.
Now the house feels different.
No one waits behind the door anymore.
No one reminds me to take my scarf.
No one gets excited just because I’m awake and sitting with them while they eat breakfast.

It’s strange. I spent six months preparing myself to lose her.

Now that she’s actually gone, it still doesn’t feel real.

I just miss her.

I’ve been working with this client for about a year. We have a good relationship, and I’ve honestly never felt that they were dissatisfied with my work. They’ve trusted me with more responsibilities over time, and recently even approved a rate increase in another project with them.

Besides my main work, I also help with recruitment task. This week there wasn’t any recruitment work. But today, I noticed they posted my position on Upwork.

Part of me thinks they’re just expanding the team because they’ve mentioned there will be more recruitment work. Another part of me worries if I’m being replaced.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I just overthinking?

Honestly, sobrang saya ko talaga ngayon, di ko pa rin mapaniwala 😭

Graduating masters student ako dito sa Europe (International Management), defence nalang talaga natitira and at the same time freelancer din.

Ilang months na rin kasi akong nag-iisip kung dapat ba akong mag-focus more sa people management/HR. Parang gusto ko siyang i-explore pero hindi ako sure sa sarili ko kung bagay ba talaga sakin or kung may chance ba ako dito sa path na to. Nagpost pa nga ako dito few months ago asking for an advice pano magsimula or makapasok man lang sa industry.

For years, naghahanap ako ng work dito sa Europe and puro rejection halos natatanggap ko 😭 Kahit unpaid internships minsan di ako natatanggap kahit pa nagsasalita naman ako ng language nila. Nagtry pa nga ako mag-apply as full-time before sa same company na current client ko ngayon, pero nareject din ako noon.

Kaya dumating talaga ako sa point na iniisip ko baka hindi lang talaga ako magaling sa interviews, so nag enroll ako sa mga english conversation classes para lang maenhance ung takot ko makipagconverse sa mga professional. Kasi honestly, sa actual work alam kong kaya ko naman. Lagi ko namang ginagawa best ko and madalas gusto naman ng bosses yung work ko once nakakawork na nila ako.

Palagi kong iniisip na kailangan ko lang talaga ng isang tao na maniwala sakin at bigyan ako ng chance.

Then unexpectedly, itong same client ko from a big SaaS company asked me if I could help them with recruitment tasks, kasi need pa namin ng mga freelancer din around EU. 😭

Wala naman talaga akong formal experience sa recruitment. Ang pinaka-close lang doon is may mga na-recommend na akong tao before for tasks sa project namin. Same setup pa rin naman daw through Upwork as a contractor for a few hours per week, pero grabe… sobrang saya ko talaga na pinagkatiwalaan nila ako sa ganitong responsibility.

Di ko pa nga naaaccept yung new contract pero sinali na nila ako sa ibang accounts, weekly meetings, and sinendan na rin ako ng materials 😭

Yung pagiging proactive ko, pagiging communicative, at pagiging genuinely involved sa work yung napansin nila.

And honestly, okay lang muna sakin na hindi pa full-time. Masaya ako na natututo, nagkaka-experience, at slowly figuring things out one step at a time 🥹

Honestly, sobrang saya ko talaga ngayon, di ko pa rin mapaniwala 😭

Freelancer ako based sa Europe, and malapit na rin akong matapos sa Master’s degree ko (International Management), thesis defence nalang talaga natitira.

Ilang months na rin kasi akong nag-iisip kung dapat ba akong mag-focus more sa people management/HR. Parang gusto ko siyang i-explore pero hindi ako sure sa sarili ko kung bagay ba talaga sakin or kung may chance ba ako doon. Marketing talaga una kong gusto kaso feeling ko sobrang crowded na.

For years, naghahanap ako ng work dito sa Europe and puro rejection halos natatanggap ko 😭 Kahit unpaid internships minsan di ako natatanggap kahit pa nagsasalita naman ako ng language nila. Nagtry pa nga ako mag-apply as full-time before sa same company na current client ko ngayon, pero nareject din ako noon.

Kaya dumating talaga ako sa point na iniisip ko baka hindi lang talaga ako magaling sa interviews, so nag enroll ako sa mga english conversation classes para lang maenhance ung takot ko makipagconverse sa mga professional. Kasi honestly, sa actual work alam kong kaya ko naman. Lagi ko namang ginagawa best ko and madalas gusto naman ng bosses yung work ko once nakakawork na nila ako.

Palagi kong iniisip na kailangan ko lang talaga ng isang tao na maniwala sakin at bigyan ako ng chance.

Then unexpectedly, itong same client ko from a big SaaS company asked me if I could help them with recruitment tasks, kasi need pa namin ng mga freelancer din around EU. 😭

Wala naman talaga akong formal experience sa recruitment. Ang pinaka-close lang doon is may mga na-recommend na akong tao before for tasks sa project namin. Same setup pa rin naman daw through Upwork as a contractor for a few hours per week, pero grabe… sobrang saya ko talaga na pinagkatiwalaan nila ako sa ganitong responsibility.

Di ko pa nga naaaccept yung new contract pero sinali na nila ako sa ibang accounts, weekly meetings, and sinendan na rin ako ng materials 😭

Yung pagiging proactive ko, pagiging communicative, at pagiging genuinely involved sa work yung napansin nila.

And honestly, okay lang muna sakin na hindi pa full-time. Masaya ako na natututo, nagkaka-experience, at slowly figuring things out one step at a time 🥹