u/Puzzleheaded_Bar3592

Just got out of the testing center…I’m genuinely so scared I don’t know what to do I feel like the questions were easy but I just didn’t know them. I don’t know how to feel
I feel nauseous
I’m so scared damn

Hi everyone,

I was recently officially diagnosed with OCD, and I’m posting here because I feel extremely isolated and embarrassed about a specific theme I’ve been carrying.

While people often talk about contamination OCD in terms of germs or illness, my experience is heavily centered around extreme disgust themes, graphic intrusive imagery, and mental contamination. I get very stuck on sudden, revolting mental images/thoughts that shock me, and then I get trapped in long loops of analyzing them, feeling sickened, and feeling intense shame.

It also triggers physical compulsions for example, if an unwanted thought or word enters my mind while washing my hands, I feel "mentally contaminated" by the thought itself and feel forced to keep re-washing just to cleanse the thought.

Because this theme involves topics that feel taboo or socially embarrassing, it feels really lonely to navigate.

For those who deal with strong disgust-based themes or mental contamination, how do you manage the shame when it hits? What coping tools or mindset shifts have helped you detach from the mental contamination loops without giving into compulsions?

Thank you in advance for any insights.

I just need to vent to people who actually understand African family dynamics, because the typical advice of "just set boundaries" doesn't work in a Nigerian household.
I am 20 years old. I’m supposed to be heavily studying for my boards right now to start my nursing career, but instead, I am the full-time, primary caregiver for my 76-year-old father. He has had two major surgeries recently and requires a massive amount of coordination. I am the one booking all the appointments, handling the logistics, and taking him to the hospital.
The worst part? Everyone else is right here, but no one is helping. I have two other sisters. One of them hasn't even come to see him in an entire month plus. Everyone is just living their lives, acting like because I’m doing it, it’s handled. When I ask for help, it’s treated like I’m asking for too much or being disrespectful.
To top it all off, he wasn't even a good father to me growing up. I am doing this purely for my own conscience and because the cultural guilt of abandoning an elder is burned into my brain. But I am so sad, so profoundly exhausted, and I feel like my own future (my career, my youth) is being completely flushed down the drain for someone who didn't even provide a peaceful environment for me when I was a kid.
I’m only 20. I can't even study properly. I feel so isolated and trapped because if I step back, I’m the bad guy, but if I stay, I’m going to completely burn out before my life even starts.