u/Quick_Perspective_77

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m usually a very logical person (M20) I don’t do emotional outbursts, and I always thought I understood exactly how my own mind worked. But right now, I feel completely blind-sided by my own choices.

My ex (F21) and I were long-distance. Things got incredibly heavy for a while. When she was living in her flat abroad, she was solely reliant on me for emotional fulfillment. Because of the distance and my own stress with uni, it started to feel like a massive, suffocating weight. Every text message felt like an obligation. I felt emotionally bankrupt, and I convinced myself that I just didn't have the energy for a relationship anymore. I told her I preferred being alone.

We broke up, but we stayed in touch. Honestly, looking back, I was completely taking her for granted. She still adored me, and because she was always right there initiating conversations even after the break up, I felt entirely safe. I told myself I was "letting her down gently" by replying to her texts, but the truth is I was keeping a safety net. I thought I could casually drift away into single life while keeping her in my pocket.

She kept telling me that I was running away from my feelings. She called me out for being uncomfortable with vulnerability. She even begged me to get on a voice call, telling me she just wanted to help me face whatever I was running from and promised she wouldn't pressurize me for answers. I denied it. I coldly told her I didn’t want to call, that my mind was shut on the break up, and that I had no desire to ever initiate a conversation again. But I even made a stupid "deal" with her that if I didn't reply, she should just give up. I thought I was being the rational, certain one. She used to tell me that I still loved her, but I denied it every time. I told her I could live without her. I convinced myself that the damage was done and that I was completely over it. Then, she actually took me at my word. She blocked me on everything.

When I opened up the app and saw her picture was gone and my messages wouldn’t deliver, my illusion shattered instantly. Because I had spent months repressing and intellectualizing my feelings, the sudden realization that she is actually gone caused all that buried emotion to flood my system at once.

Now that she’s completely gone, I’m forced to look at the truth. She was right about everything. I was escaping. I was project-managing my emotions instead of actually feeling them. She is honestly the smartest, most intellectually stimulating person I’ve ever met. Our debates, the way she challenged my ideas, the absolute best times of my life when we lived together, it’s all crashing down on me. I told her I could live without her, but I can't. I thought I was done with her, but I realize I am completely in love with her, and my own pride and emotional cowardice drove her away. I didn’t know what I had until the door was slammed in my face.

She gave me every single chance to fix this, and I just kept throwing crumbs at her for a whole month after the break up until she finally respected herself enough to walk away. I don't blame her for blocking me. I deserve it. But I don't know how to fix this or if I've ruined the best thing that ever happened to me forever. How did she know I was running away from my emotions? She knew me better than I did. I have no idea how I can show her I have changed now that I’m blocked everywhere.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m usually a very logical person (M20) I don’t do emotional outbursts, and I always thought I understood exactly how my own mind worked. But right now, I feel completely blind-sided by my own choices.

My ex (F21) and I were long-distance. Things got incredibly heavy for a while. When she was living in her flat abroad, she was solely reliant on me for emotional fulfillment. Because of the distance and my own stress with uni, it started to feel like a massive, suffocating weight. Every text message felt like an obligation. I felt emotionally bankrupt, and I convinced myself that I just didn't have the energy for a relationship anymore. I told her I preferred being alone.

We broke up, but we stayed in touch. Honestly, looking back, I was completely taking her for granted. She still adored me, and because she was always right there initiating conversations even after the break up, I felt entirely safe. I told myself I was "letting her down gently" by replying to her texts, but the truth is I was keeping a safety net. I thought I could casually drift away into single life while keeping her in my pocket.

She kept telling me that I was running away from my feelings. She called me out for being uncomfortable with vulnerability. She even begged me to get on a voice call, telling me she just wanted to help me face whatever I was running from and promised she wouldn't pressurize me for answers. I denied it. I coldly told her I didn’t want to call, that my mind was shut on the break up, and that I had no desire to ever initiate a conversation again. But I even made a stupid "deal" with her that if I didn't reply, she should just give up. I thought I was being the rational, certain one. She used to tell me that I still loved her, but I denied it every time. I told her I could live without her. I convinced myself that the damage was done and that I was completely over it. Then, she actually took me at my word. She blocked me on everything.

When I opened up the app and saw her picture was gone and my messages wouldn’t deliver, my illusion shattered instantly. Because I had spent months repressing and intellectualizing my feelings, the sudden realization that she is actually gone caused all that buried emotion to flood my system at once.

Now that she’s completely gone, I’m forced to look at the truth. She was right about everything. I was escaping. I was project-managing my emotions instead of actually feeling them. She is honestly the smartest, most intellectually stimulating person I’ve ever met. Our debates, the way she challenged my ideas, the absolute best times of my life when we lived together, it’s all crashing down on me. I told her I could live without her, but I can't. I thought I was done with her, but I realize I am completely in love with her, and my own pride and emotional cowardice drove her away. I didn’t know what I had until the door was slammed in my face.

She gave me every single chance to fix this, and I just kept throwing crumbs at her for a whole month after the break up until she finally respected herself enough to walk away. I don't blame her for blocking me. I deserve it. But I don't know how to fix this or if I've ruined the best thing that ever happened to me forever. How did she know I was running away from my emotions? She knew me better than I did. I have no idea how I can show her I have changed now that I’m blocked everywhere.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m usually a very logical person (M20) I don’t do emotional outbursts, and I always thought I understood exactly how my own mind worked. But right now, I feel completely blind-sided by my own choices.

My ex (F21) and I were long-distance. Things got incredibly heavy for a while. When she was living in her flat abroad, she was solely reliant on me for emotional fulfillment. Because of the distance and my own stress with uni, it started to feel like a massive, suffocating weight. Every text message felt like an obligation. I felt emotionally bankrupt, and I convinced myself that I just didn't have the energy for a relationship anymore. I told her I preferred being alone.

We broke up, but we stayed in touch. Honestly, looking back, I was completely taking her for granted. She still adored me, and because she was always right there initiating conversations even after the break up, I felt entirely safe. I told myself I was "letting her down gently" by replying to her texts, but the truth is I was keeping a safety net. I thought I could casually drift away into single life while keeping her in my pocket.

She kept telling me that I was running away from my feelings. She called me out for being uncomfortable with vulnerability. She even begged me to get on a voice call, telling me she just wanted to help me face whatever I was running from and promised she wouldn't pressurize me for answers. I denied it. I coldly told her I didn’t want to call, that my mind was shut on the break up, and that I had no desire to ever initiate a conversation again. But I even made a stupid "deal" with her that if I didn't reply, she should just give up. I thought I was being the rational, certain one. She used to tell me that I still loved her, but I denied it every time. I told her I could live without her. I convinced myself that the damage was done and that I was completely over it. Then, she actually took me at my word. She blocked me on everything.

When I opened up the app and saw her picture was gone and my messages wouldn’t deliver, my illusion shattered instantly. Because I had spent months repressing and intellectualizing my feelings, the sudden realization that she is actually gone caused all that buried emotion to flood my system at once.

Now that she’s completely gone, I’m forced to look at the truth. She was right about everything. I was escaping. I was project-managing my emotions instead of actually feeling them. She is honestly the smartest, most intellectually stimulating person I’ve ever met. Our debates, the way she challenged my ideas, the absolute best times of my life when we lived together, it’s all crashing down on me. I told her I could live without her, but I can't. I thought I was done with her, but I realize I am completely in love with her, and my own pride and emotional cowardice drove her away. I didn’t know what I had until the door was slammed in my face.

She gave me every single chance to fix this, and I just kept throwing crumbs at her for a whole month after the break up until she finally respected herself enough to walk away. I don't blame her for blocking me. I deserve it. But I don't know how to fix this or if I've ruined the best thing that ever happened to me forever. How did she know I was running away from my emotions? She knew me better than I did. I have no idea how I can show her I have changed now that I’m blocked everywhere.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m usually a very logical person. I don’t do emotional outbursts, and I always thought I understood exactly how my own mind worked. But right now, I feel completely blind-sided by my own choices.

My INFJ ex and I were long-distance. Things got incredibly heavy for a while. When she was living in her flat abroad, she was solely reliant on me for emotional fulfillment. Because of the distance and my own stress with uni, it started to feel like a massive, suffocating weight. Every text message felt like an obligation. I felt emotionally bankrupt, and I convinced myself that I just didn't have the energy for a relationship anymore. I told her I preferred being alone.

We broke up, but we stayed in touch. Honestly, looking back, I was completely taking her for granted. She still adored me, and because she was always right there initiating conversations even after the break up, I felt entirely safe. I told myself I was "letting her down gently" by replying to her texts, but the truth is I was keeping a safety net. I thought I could casually drift away into single life while keeping her in my pocket.

She kept telling me that I was running away from my feelings. She called me out for being uncomfortable with vulnerability. She even begged me to get on a voice call, telling me she just wanted to help me face whatever I was running from and promised she wouldn't pressurize me for answers. I denied it. I coldly told her I didn’t want to call, that my mind was shut on the break up, and that I had no desire to ever initiate a conversation again. But I even made a stupid "deal" with her that if I didn't reply, she should just give up. I thought I was being the rational, certain one. She used to tell me that I still loved her, but I denied it every time. I told her I could live without her. I convinced myself that the damage was done and that I was completely over it. Then, she actually took me at my word. She blocked me on everything.

When I opened up the app and saw her picture was gone and my messages wouldn’t deliver, my Fi-Trickster illusion shattered instantly. Because I had spent months repressing and intellectualizing my feelings, the sudden realization that she is actually gone caused all that buried emotion to flood my system at once.

Now that she’s completely gone, I’m forced to look at the truth. She was right about everything. I was escaping. I was project-managing my emotions instead of actually feeling them. She is honestly the smartest, most intellectually stimulating person I’ve ever met. Our debates, the way she challenged my ideas, the absolute best times of my life when we lived together, it’s all crashing down on me. I told her I could live without her, but I can't. I thought I was done with her, but I realize I am completely in love with her, and my own pride and emotional cowardice drove her away. I didn’t know what I had until the door was slammed in my face.

She gave me every single chance to fix this, and I just kept throwing crumbs at her for a whole month after the break up until she finally respected herself enough to walk away. I don't blame her for blocking me. I deserve it. But I don't know how to fix this or if I've ruined the best thing that ever happened to me forever. How did she know I was running away from my emotions? She knew me better than I did.

Have any of you felt this way before?

I have (Female INFJ) been with my ENTP boyfriend for a year and a half. He wants to end our relationship because he is exhausted by my demands for attention. I’ve come to realize I put a lot of pressure on him, so I decided I needed a lifestyle change. I told him I would come back to him once I got a job, and I did, two weeks later, I have a job, made some friends, I cook, and Ive built a life to be independent enough to not request excessive demands anymore.

I started texting him like we were friends. We would talk about various things. My jobs, debate, he would share his life goals with me, and his new found interests. We even watched a movie (he initiated it). This went on for 2 weeks, but yesterday he seemed avoidant. When confronted he said he doesn’t want to get back together. I suppose he’s really conflicted, scared of coming back because he’s afraid he’ll be hurt again. But he loves me a lot, and genuinely enjoys spending his time with me, that he can’t help but want me.

I don’t know how to help him out, I tried to propose some ideas, like a trail period, but he is too scared to come back. It seems like he lies to himself (that he is fine without me) and it worries me because his friends can sense he isn’t doing alright too. He once told me he keeps trying to escape what we are by playing chess and Minecraft. Then other times he tells me we are over and there is no us. Right after the there is no us convo he comes back and says we should watch a movie together (which we end up doing). I’m so confused by him. I don’t know what to do. It’s been going on for about 3 weeks now and I’m really hurt and drained by this loop. I don’t want to leave because the hope he has given me keeps pulling me back. He hasn’t told his friends about us yet, in fact he pretends like we are still together. (He brings me up and talks about me like I’m the love of his life).

I thought I could try to call and talk to him about it, but he doesn’t want to call, I suppose it’s because he does not want to confront his emotions/ the pain of losing me. What do I do?

PS: we used to live together, but we are long distance now that I’m in uni.