u/Random-noodles404UwU

We started long distance dating two years ago but 1 year and 1 month into the relationship he dumped me because he said that I deserved someone better than him. After a few months I got a card and some flowers in the mail … saying that he messed up and he’d like to try dating again … after a conversation I said that we could talk and see if we could heal our feelings. We started dating a week later and were happy again … for a few months … but that he wanted to break up again for the exact same reasons … saying that I needed somebody better then him so we decided to break up again … for about 30 minutes before we both agreed that we still had feelings and that I would still love him even if he thought that I deserved a better partner. After a few more months the relationship got weird … he would purposely makes jokes about things he know I didn’t like or keep bring up past events that got under my skin … long story short we was trying to make me hate him so that I would break up with him for a change instead of him cutting me off again … I confronted him about this and said that I’m not gonna leave him because I made a promise … so knowing I wasn’t gonna budge he dumped me for a third time.

It’s not even been a month and I already got another letter from him. Today would be our 2 year anniversary if we stuck together … the first card he sent made me cry … but this new one just rubbed me the wrong way … he said he was sorry but never really justified his actions … by the end of the card as well he wrote “ when we get back together I wanna take things slow “ as if I didn’t really have a choice if we got back together or not because he assumed I would take him back anyways. I messaged him and he told me about how we are soul mates and how we are perfect for each other and how he still loves and misses me … but for the first time … I couldn’t go along with it … I told him that I’m still hurting and that he doesn’t have the right to treat me like that and expect me to fall back into him arms … so I told him that I don’t want any more letters … and I don’t wanna date him again … and I blocked his number.

It’s only been a day though … and I feel like I was too harsh … I did love him so much but I know that if I date him again he’s gonna keep doing this loop over and over again … he said he was gonna try to improve his mental health but never actually took any steps forward to do so. I just feel so lost and confused. I think I still love him but I can’t keep letting him play with my heart like this … I don’t know what to do anymore.

( random context - we are long distance but Iv let him spend a week at my place before on his birthday so that’s how he knows my address - he has a therapist - we both have a lot of good things in common like nerdy stuff but we also have a lot of bad things in common like mental issues and lost of self hatred - if any of y’all have any questions or advice please leave a comment )