u/Real-Debt-9789

I (24M) am an accountant living with my parents in the Bay Area. I recently moved here from Chicago, where I lived independently for a year while I always sent money to my parents. I moved specifically because my parents requested that I move back to be closer to them. I had better opportunities in Atlanta for $90k.

Here is the context: My brother (28M) is a high-earner in tech (roughly $900k/year). He voluntarily covers the entire $4,000 rent for the house, and he sends my parents additional money. My parents are very grateful for this, and they have essentially set a dynamic where he is the primary provider for the household.

I make $91k a year. I do not pay rent, and I don't contribute to utilities or groceries.

My parents have started calling me "cheap" and treating me with coldness—specifically today, on my 24th birthday, where they forgot to acknowledge it and refused to go out to dinner with me. They think I am stingy because I have a job and "keep all my money to myself," while my brother covers everything.

The reality is that I have faced a major financial crisis this year. I have had $10,000 in unexpected medical costs over the last seven months. I am also currently saving every penny I have for my upcoming wedding and to move out again next year for marriage. I haven't disclosed the nature of the medical bills because they are private and related to mental health/therapy, which my parents don’t really understand or support.

I haven't told them about the $10,000 in bills because I didn't want to deal with their reaction, and I don't feel I should have to "prove" my financial standing just to be treated with basic kindness. My girlfriend thinks I should pay them $500/month to "keep the peace," but I feel like that would just make me a tenant in their eyes and wouldn't stop the judgment. I also feel like I’m already paying a "price" by having given up my independence in Chicago to move here at their request.

They think I’m an entitled, cheap son. I feel like I’m a responsible adult trying to survive a financial hit and build my own future.

AITA for refusing to contribute money to the household? My brother does not mind at all. But my parents are making me feel like I'm so stingy. I pay for my own stuff, I pay for gifts sometimes to my parents and brothers. I also send my girlfriend like $300 a month.

I did help my brother invest his money, made him around $50-60k, but it's just S&P 500 that anyone can do. But he doesn't do it himself and asked me to help him cause he doesn't know anything about investing.

EDIT: Thank you guys, for helping me see that I am being an entitled asshole. I had no idea, and I feel sorry for myself that I became like this because it is not who I genuinely am. I will start contributing more, and I will disclose the medical costs to them and apologize for not contributing my share to the household. First step in change is knowing you are wrong! Thank you everyone, and I agree. I am an asshole. I never saw this perspective. I have had major jealousy issues with my brother all my life, and I feel as if I must catch up to his net worth, even though it's against my values, and it's not who I am. I think it was the consequence of some comparison that I faced as a kid, since my brother was really smart, whereas I was less so.

I posted this https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeopleAdvice/comments/1u4wpc2/difficult_mental_health_situation_should_i_stay/ two weeks ago, but I wasn't sure what to do.

I am thinking of going in net work for the therapist, IOP, that would save me $1000 a month probably. It would be 15-20x the intensity, so much faster and more efficient than my original therapist at a fraction of the price. Part of me thinks it's a bad idea, and I feel very bad for upsetting people, but I have spent $6k on the therapist sessions and I feel most of the heavy lifting was done by medication.

I am planning on keeping the psychiatrist for now, at least until I get better. Sessions with him will cost $200 a month. 25 minutes. I could probably go to a psychiatrist for free with my insurance, but I like this guy a lot, so going to stick with him.

What do you guys think?

My therapist and psychiatrist (both I found on the IOCDF directory) I started with months ago, and I've seen a good amount of progress but I feel I'm still behind on the Y-BOCS scale and there's still so much more to optimize.

The recovery feels slow, the exposures very unstructured, and while there is progress, sometimes the distress, is so freaking strong, and I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm moving really slow, I want to just go to an IOP such that I get the adequate treatment. I've been on prozac 60 mg for a month now, and while there is progression, I still have depressive symptoms, I still have depression I feel, or at least some low mood, a bit better, but the anxiety and the horrible feeling I have all day is the worst. It's like someone is telling me there's a 50/50 chance your whole family died, and I just have to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing.

The biggest additional factor is that an IOP would be free for me, and it would be virtual, after work, and since I have a huge gap of time next month where I'll be home alone all day, I might as well just use that to do the IOP.

But the things that stop me:

Fear of upsetting my therapist

Both therapist and doctor think this is a compulsion

What if I get worse at the IOP and change my mind? I already did this before, I stopped seeing these providers, and went in network, then came back 1 month later.

I've had a huge issue with constantly changing paths. I've changed jobs and majors more than I've changed underwear.

My therapist and psychiatrist (both I found on the IOCDF directory) I started with months ago, and I've seen a good amount of progress but I feel I'm still behind on the Y-BOCS scale and there's still so much more to optimize.

The recovery feels slow, the exposures very unstructured, and while there is progress, sometimes the distress, is so freaking strong, and I can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'm moving really slow, I want to just go to an IOP such that I get the adequate treatment. I've been on prozac 60 mg for a month now, and while there is progression, I still have depressive symptoms, I still have depression I feel, or at least some low mood, a bit better, but the anxiety and the horrible feeling I have all day is the worst. It's like someone is telling me there's a 50/50 chance your whole family died, and I just have to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing.

The biggest additional factor is that an IOP would be free for me, and it would be virtual, after work, and since I have a huge gap of time next month where I'll be home alone all day, I might as well just use that to do the IOP.

But the things that stop me:

Fear of upsetting my therapist

Both therapist and doctor think this is a compulsion

What if I get worse at the IOP and change my mind? I already did this before, I stopped seeing these providers, and went in network, then came back 1 month later.

I've had a huge issue with constantly changing paths. I've changed jobs and majors more than I've changed underwear.

https://preview.redd.it/ytwqep7am98h1.png?width=2190&format=png&auto=webp&s=e7767aea1f54ca2c5c91623c33cb54dd68418e8c

Does it seem like I need SRP Based on the x-rays above? I can't really tell, and they told me it's $450, which I cannot afford right now as I have a ton of other medical costs too :( Any help?

I am currently a young man in my early 20s suffering from OCD, and ADHD. I have a lot of perfectionism as well, part of OCD. I found a center that would give me intensive treatment, 3 days a week (9 hours in total), virtually, for OCD that takes my insurance. I am currently going to out of network specialists where I am paying $2500-3000 a month. I am seeing good progress. I am also going to an Ivy League trained psychiatrist who is amazing at what he does, probably best medical doctor I've seen in my life. However, I feel like I am spending too much. I live at home, in the Bay Area, make only $91k (very low in Bay Area) and was planning on getting married next year. I already have a huge sum of money saved up ($90-$100k). I just looked at my credit card statement, and I've spent $8000 on mental health care so far this year. Should I pivot to in network?

The doctor visits are $600 per session, once every 3 weeks. My insurance reimburses me $200. So around $500 a month after reimbursement.

Therapist visits are $900 a month after reimbursement.

I looked at how much it would cost, and in network care would be pennies, since I already hit my deductible... However, I already stabilized with these professionals, and they know my case very well. I'm still recovering, but I don't know what to do... And I feel very bad and rude if I actually back out of working with them.

The problem is, that I have already went to in-network once, didn't find the level of care I wanted, and my symptoms were so acute, I went back. SO this would be doing it again.