u/ReasonableRip4362

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Why is she wearing a red bra under a white shirt? Wouldn't it make her bra visible through the shirt's fabric?

I admit that I'm a teenage boy who's never worn a bra a day in his life, and Chalex definitely has no understanding of how women's fashion works, but this still irks me.

For those of you who don't know (likely due to quitting character ai), the site has started rolling out these weird microdrama TikTok things for... reasons. I decided to watch one and rewrite it out of spite. So I looled at Edenfall, and it's exactly what you'd expect a show written by an AI to look like. The character designs are nonsensical, the writing is self-contradictory, and the animation gives me a headache. I watched the first three episodes twice — once with audio, once without — and here's my extremely specific nitpicks, and how I would fix them.

1. The concept

The description leads you to believe that the players are sucked into the game forcibly​​​, and aren't... you know... ​​​willingl​y going there because "omg edenfall beta testing!!1!1!"

To my knowledge, beta testing also doesn't usually happen at a physical location, due to travel restrictions and modern developments in technology. So maybe the headset could be emailed to them? But VR also doesn't work in the way the series wants to, so...

Maybe take some inspiration from TADC here. Ava expresses confusion at being initially unable to take off the headset, and also at the fact that she controls her in-game character using her real-life body. When she runs around for a bit and discovers that she isn't crashing into any walls inside her real-life house, she dismisses it as "testing new technology" and the plot continues as normal.​​

2. The character designs

Mostly, the character designs aren't actually that bad. Ava having an alt-inspired design is pretty neat, and the designs of the characters in the game aren't t​​​​​hat bad either — very reminiscent of Xenoblade Chronicles, though I've never actually played the game so feel free to correct me on that. My main problem is that Ava's in-game character looks ​nothing like her real-life appearance. I understand that's true of many gamers in real life, but be​​cause it's a TV show, they need to look like they could somewhat reasonably be the same character. Real!Ava and Game!Ava have no physical similarities, to the point where Ava literally gets whitewashed when she enters the game (and it doesn't seem to be an in-game customisation issue, as there are plenty of POC background characters).

You could argue that this could be internalised racism on Ava's​ part and might be an interesting thing to eventually explore, but to quote a certain Tumblr user, "[...] expecting AI to talk about racism is like expecting pigs to fly".

So I'd probably actually keep most of Ava's​​ in-game design the same, but switch the red for blue (to resemble her hair colour) and also make her skin colour the same. Whether I change the white to black in her in-game design would be optional, ​​because she wears black in real life and that contrast could be interesting. But as it is, I never would've believed you if you told me that Real!Ava and Game!Ava were the same characters.​

Oh, and also, Ava has these weirdly large black holes in her ears, so.... those are hearing aids now. We made Edenfall woke.​​ Let's go.

3. Isaac Reyes and Ava Reyes
   Sigh.

Considering these two have the same surname, it wouldn't surprise me if Isaac turned out to be Ava's father/brother/cousin/whatever. That's just boring. We're getting rid of that plotline completely.

4. Minor writing inconsistencies

So *two* people can leave the game? Not one? Make sure you say that in the first place, Malevolent Disembodied Voice.

Also, why would you let people go in the first place? Couldn't they just report you to the authorities?

Why are you killing people anyway? Can someone who's watched Squid Game or something explain to me why someone would do this? Like, not even evil people are this evil.

Also, the exposition is ridiculously clanky (haha, get it, clanky? Because it's written by a clanker? Anyway), and it's pissing me off.​

This is probably going to end up being a ridiculously long-term project. Ava and Kallie might as well be my OCs now.

Are there any other specific things you guys would change? Would anyone like to see the rewri​​tten script + character sheets when it's done?​

legit thinking about changing my flair to "hero-hime's dad" but idk

i always say i have sayori's personality, yuri's interests, and mc's appearance 🥲

the concept of monika only coming up to my chin​

with the majority of the 202X rivals it's my headcanon eliminations, everyone else goes off their canon ones

(here's my headcanons for reference: kizana is crushed, oka has a fake suicide, asu is drowned, muja is betrayed, mida is fired, osoro is framed, hanako is matchmade, and megami is bullied)​​

so so ummm what does this say about me?

if you know you know ^^

i think what makes this funnier is that my dnd character (the one on the right) is a lesbian 😭​​

i was replaying holly's route and this hit me like a truck. my best friend's welsh, and this is the first time i've seen welsh culture mentioned in ​anything that wasn't made by the bbc! i really have to recommend the game to her now : )

why is bathseba so low quality help