u/Reasonable_Case_270

I HATE texting. Call me old school (I’m 26)

I’ve never had a truly single period, I’m way too damn extroverted and flirty for that. (I probably need one)

I match with people on dating apps and understand that’s where conversation starts so I entertain it for a bit.

I’m not exclusively texting you for several weeks. I’d give a dude MAX 1 week of texting til he plans a date. Maybe a bit more gracious if he’s got a good excuse.

I’m gonna ask you the basics over text and rule out some of my red flags. Gather things to talk about when we do first meet as kind of a cushion. But I’m not texting you all day every day. I’m new in my career, I’m focused elsewhere, and I feel confident in my ability to give someone all of my attention when it’s intentional time.

This latest fella is upset that I don’t text him as frequently as he wants. I even jokingly said “man you text right away and it takes me like 4 years to respond.”
And he was very serious about how he didn’t like that.
I said, “I often am in court, I can’t tell the judge to wait a second so I can text this man back. Plus the courthouse doesn’t even have cell service.”

Am I in the wrong?

I follow all school expectations and rules regarding illness. My child in particular is only in preschool and so the illness policy is directly laid out in the parent handbook.

However, I still send her when she has a runny nose. Kids get runny noses. Or a light cough.
I won’t send her if she’s had a fever or if she’s clearly showing she’s uncomfortable.

I’m not kidding when I say every. time. I have picked her up, her face is covered in painfully dry boogers
Am I in the wrong?
This is what I sent to the administration:

“Consistently when I have picked ___ up from school she has had painfully dry boogers on her face. She is capable of wiping her nose when prompted, but if you notice a lack I’ll work on it more with her. If you feel as if her runny nose is unmanageable I would appreciate further communication so I can pick her up. Thank you!”

I know kids are kinda gross and teachers have a lot they’re focused on but every day with terrible snot on her?
Do I just keep her home for every runny nose???

I’ve been living with Bipolar 2 for several years now. I’ve been on and off my medication until the past 6 months or so.
I take Lamictal for mood stability, Wellbutrin for depression, and adderall for ADHD.

I hate thinking that I’ll need to be medicated the rest of my life just to get through shit healthily and I also already feel numb as fuck.

I’m so dissociative. Sometimes the Adderall does its job and other times I’m just zoned the hell out.

I don’t notice the mania-depressive episode transition anymore and think I’ve been pretty neutral.

But I’m just fucking exhausted and direction-less.
And also more anxious than I’ve ever been in life.
Is this what stability looks like?

I work full time. Am a single parent. Have solid relationships. I just get home every day and want to stare at the wall. I can’t keep up on my daily tasks and barely get through work as it is. Health insurance and my kid’s stability are my only motivation.

I’m sure some of ya’ll have asked yourselves this at one point during your single parenting journey and I’m beginning to.

There is a part of me that recognizes it’s out of desperation and loneliness.
But I’ve also seen him in an entirely new light.

Context: (may be long)
I met my child’s father as he was my server at a restaurant when I was 17 (he 18) and it was every movie scene romance story since then.
He left for the Navy a couple years later and asked me to come with. I said no as I was happy in school and knew if I went I would marry him. I felt too young and I’m now proud of myself for that decision.

After that, we didn’t talk. He married someone else he met off the internet, truthfully to receive the additional financial supplement. He did a couple deployments and after a few years he reached out again.
I hadn’t known of his wife at the time. But long story short he divorced her, gave me a huge “it’s always been you spiel,” and I bought it.
I’ve since connected with the wife and we’ve become good friends. The best possible outcome.

I fought with my college roommate so hard that when he and I started becoming serious again, I moved for him in attempt to be free of my roommate.
It was every dream. We were living in a skyrise luxury apartment and having fun seriously every single day.

I’ve never loved anyone as much as I have him. I fully believe(d) he was my soulmate.

I got pregnant, as you do when you’re young and careless. His mental health took a serious toll and he didn’t want me to keep the pregnancy. I, religious(ish)- couldn’t justify it for myself.
He got out of the Navy and we moved states to a town we weren’t familiar with as his mom was there and was most excited for our baby.
He was miserable, but came around eventually and was the best partner you could ever want when pregnant.

He immediately bonded with our daughter after birth. Her first few hours were spent entirely with him as I had serious complications. I truly feel like that’s what has made them so close.

Then my mental health got bad. Postpartum, but also undiagnosed mental health issues. I felt lonely being away from my family and was even a little envious of his bond with our baby when being the one who didn’t even want her.

I became awful. Terrible. Yelled at him, never went back to work, threw things. There was so much pressure on him and I never appreciated his efforts.
He wasn’t an angel though. He had a work trip in Vegas and fell for every “what happens Vegas stays in Vegas” scheme and cheated and spent all of our money.
He came back and lied about it for weeks.
I went through his phone (toxic, I know) and found messages to his brother that read, “I just went the 27 year old skinny blonde back in my bed.” And “I think I hate being a dad.”
Me, the mother of his child, dark hair, the heaviest I’d ever been, and 23- saw red. I slapped him, called his mom to get him as I was gonna murder him, nearly slashed his tires.

We split then and he made ME move out. With our infant. I moved in with family and we ended up coparenting fine after awhile.
We then tried again. I moved back in and things just weren’t ever the same. He was the one who turned ugly. Equally as violent as I had been before. Eventually I snapped again and (please no judgment) was arrested for Domestic Violence.
What I did was abusive. What he did was abusive. We were so unhealthy and unsafe.
I didn’t end up with any charge, but we were ordered no-contact for awhile. This was best for us.

I moved away eventually and lived in my hometown. It was a 3 hour commute for us to exchange our daughter and he never gave up on her. This I appreciate.

It’s been 3 years. Which seems like a lot of time but also none at all. We still live this distance a part, but we coparent so well. We genuinely discuss the events that played out, both having ownership where necessary. We even coparent with our daughter. Taking her places and getting along.
It’s really amped up in the last few months.

I love seeing my daughter happy with the both of us. She’s drawing pictures of Mommy and Daddy together. Talks about us in the same sentence. I love going places and being told “one for mom and one for dad” or things like that were it’s accurate for her.

He spent the weekend this past weekend and we… you know.. I hate that I did that without really discussing the repercussions with him. When we do talk about getting back together, he says he considers it but “all co-parents do.” I can’t determine if this is true or not.
But there is so much pain. When we do talk about getting back together, he always makes it attraction focused. Being flirty, commenting on my appearance, wishing for sex.
And he says the reason he won’t do it is because his father- who paid all of his attorney fees during our custody issue- would leave him out of the will.

Fuck the will.

His attraction is there. Our compatibility is there. Our history. Our ability to coparent healthily for our daughter.

I’d walk it out with him again in an instant. We’d date. Maybe try therapy. Go slow. But the damage ~is~ still there and I don’t know if we’d ever be able to forgive each other. And I feel stupid like I just gave him what he wanted (sex) and there won’t be any other conversation.

It’s been 2 days. He’s coming again this weekend to pick up our daughter for Memorial Day. I don’t even know what to say to him or how to. I know he’s constantly thinking about it too.

Or maybe this is just a harsh reality of single parenting?

Please give advice, but also no judgment

Thanks for reading.

How best would you show someone Kalamazoo?

Both in a romantic setting and platonic.

Specific context: someone I matched with on a dating app is willing to commute to meet me this week and is asking for the best local date ideas
… I’ve never really thought of this?

So restaurants sure, but also Kalamazoo sights and maybe other conversational places

I also am just curious what you typically do when someone is visiting from out of town