u/RenaRouge2010

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So I have created my own wishlist and tradelist, but they have very few items, so I want to see yours!

[supprimé]

So at my shul (synagogue) my family is in charge of setting and cleaning up Shalosh Seudos* (Seudah Shlishit). (We don't set up the tables and chairs, facility staff does that). One of my jobs is setting out and cleaning up the benchers (small booklets that contain Grace after Meals*). I have never accidentally thrown out a bencher (that I know of) in the 2-3 or so years I have gone to help set up. There have been a few close calls, but the facility staff has always found them and handed them to me when I am cleaning up. What happens is that we use disposable table cloths, and they wrap up the table cloths and throw them out. When I was putting the benchers away, I noticed that there was a bencher missing (I have 3 copies of a specific bencher, but I only had 2 with me). I was freaking out, I went back into the room and asked them if they had seen it. By this time they had already wrapped up all the table cloths and thrown them out. They were in the process of cleaning up the tables and chairs. The bencher was white, very similar to the same shade as the table cloths. I told my family about it, and they tried helping me find it, to no success. I had the idea to start searching through the trash for it, but they wouldn't let me. I was neglectful by not triple checking that I didn't forget any benchers, and I have this deep feeling of dread and regret for not trying harder to find it. Now it's too late to do anything, and I am forced to move on. But I don't want to move on. I feel I should be punished, even though it wasn't intentional, for letting it happen, by being neglectful and letting Hashem's name be desecrated like that. I know Hashem isn't mad with me because it wasn't intentional, but I still feel He is upset or disappointed in me for being neglectful and not preventing this from happening. Maybe I even threw out multiple benchers today, since one slipped through the cracks, it's likely maybe another did as well. I feel I should be punished somehow, that I sinned and should learn my lesson through punishment. I feel religious guilt sometimes, because I am an Orthodox Jew, and I'm feeling that now, because this shouldn't have happened. I was irresponsible, and now I will be short one bencher. I'm sorry for making you read this long, I know I'm overreacting and you have better things to do than read a random stranger's meltdown. If you did read this much, you are awesome and you deserve a reward. Here you go: 🎖

TLDR: I accidentally threw out a bencher while cleaning up Shalosh Seudos, and this post is me having a meltdown/venting about it.

*Shalosh Seudos: On Shabbat there is a Mitzvah to have three meals over Shabbat, Friday night dinner, Shabbat lunch, and Shalosh Seudos, a sort of dinner, usually startingbetween 6:00-7:30 ish.

*Grace after Meals: Jews have a Mitzvah to thank Hashem for the food He has given us, so we thank Him after we are finished eating.