u/Repulsive_Living_697

First a little bit of background info:
I am a man and have realized that I may have BDD (undiagnosed for now).
The DSM lists the following criteria for BDD:

A. Preoccupation with one or more perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance that are not observable or appear slight to others.

B. At some point during the course of the disorder, the individual has performed repetitive behaviors (e.g., mirror checking, excessive grooming, skin picking, reassurance seeking) or mental acts (e.g., comparing his or her appearance with that of others) in response to the appearance concerns.

C. The preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. The appearance preoccupation is not better explained by concerns with body fat or weight in an individual whose symptoms meet diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder.

B to D I would say fit to me.

However A I don't think completely fits, because I do think that my "perceived flaw in physical appearance" is very much observable and does appear to others.
I will say that the body-part I am insecure about is not normally seen by most people and also is not purely about aesthetics but also function.
I have read studies etc. which in my opinion mostly confirm my fears.

Since I do think that my insecurities, and thus the related despondent feelings, are warranted, I am scared to actually get therapy or take part in certain parts of a normal social life. E.g. I would love to date, but I too scared that my insecurities will be proven correct. With therapy I am scared that they will just give force feed me copium.
And even if it's not directly related to my flaw, I struggle often in normal situations because I will suddenly think about them and then just feel depressed and pathetic for the rest of the day.

So the actual question:
How do you deal with that? I don't want to gaslight myself into thinking that I should be happy with my flaws if I think that they are real. I can't just believe in a made-up reality, but at the same time I can't keep feeling this depressed for the rest of my live.

So I consumed a lot of pornography and am probably addicted to it and I think it made me really insecure to have a relationship.

First I am a virgin, never had a relationship, and was never really desired by women. So I think that is why I watched a lot of pornography. But all I truly want is a monogamous relationship, to feel accepted as a whole person. I want someone who thinks that I am the perfect person who I can grow with.

But I am really below average when it comes to my sexual prowess or attractiveness (below average height, average to below average penis, etc.). I have chatted with a lot of people (mostly women) about this, saying no it's fine they're partner is similar and they are happy with him.
But now comes the thing: Every time I asked or checked their profile it turns out they were in some kind of poly and/or cuck type relationship.

This makes me really depressed as I am realizing, that I will never be enough for anyone. So I feel like a monogamous relationship is not achievable. Best I can be is the relationship equivalent of a contractor, where I receive some sex (which my partner will not really enjoy) and the other side receive whatever I can offer.

But the polydynamic just feels at best transactional and at worst like being used and cucked.
Seeing all the people basically window-shopping on dating apps to fill whatever point on there checklist left. Like I can't imagine being intimate with a partner, hugging, emotionally supporting each other and then the partner going to Mr. Tall, Well-endowed and Handsome to get her physical needs met.

I am probably around average but very insecure about my size. So far as it has become neurotic. Sometimes I measure myself multiple times a day with the hope that reality just changed.
I am about 6.1" NBP and rather thin (which makes it worse, since most people talk about how it is actually girth that matters). During my neurotic measurements I determined the girth to be about 4.3" just below the glans, about 4.5-4.6" in the middle and up to 5" at the base. imo it is shaped kinda weird since from the top it looks rather straight but from the side more conical.

I am 27 yo and still a virgin. I am scared of ever getting with a woman, because if she would ever reject me because of my size I would probably just off myself.
Also even if a girl would like me and not reject me, even if we would get into a loving relationship, I think I will always have this thought in my head.

I think I will never have a relationship were I am the perfect person. I could train my body, find someone who likes my personality, but I can never be with somebody who would not increase my size if given the choice.
I will never be the guy who is truly sexually desired. I can just be good enough, my size can be tolerated for my other qualities but that's it.

I do not know how to deal with it. Sometimes I just want to give up.

Now that you know my situation: Did anyone here face similar problems? Did you solve them? I am thinking about getting therapy but it is expansive and if they'll just tell me to cope I assume it will just make my feelings worse. Sadly I do not have anyone else to talk to about this and I will probably die sad and alone.