u/Repulsive_Panic5216

There is some office gossip going on. And I am not able to speak to anyone about it. And I just need to talk about the drama.

In my office, recently a female coworker called Ananya her boyfriend started sending threats to a male coworker called Aman in my office. Ananya's BF said stuff like he and his friends will beat up the Aman. Aman takes the local train everyday, Ananya's BF has said he has his men in the railway station. If Aman steps on to this station Ananya's BF will come to know etc.

This first round of threats probably happened sometime last month, because another female coworker of mine who is a little gossipy told us about it. Aman didn't tell us. She told us that something happened last when a group of people from the office took a holiday trip together to a hill station. I was not part of that trip because I had work.

Anyways eventually our senior was informed about it. She escalated the matter to the department head. The department head heard the matter that's it. The issue was over we thought. The BF is not an employee and it's not Ananya's doing directly. So the office basically can't get involved.

Now this week, Ananya came to our office with her two female friends.

So the friends work in a separate department. Ananya used to be in a project in our department but she is originally from the other department and currently she is working in the other department itself. She worked with us for a short duration.

So these three girls are in our working space. And they are like where is Aman etc. I am like he is late I guess. Aman is often especially after the local train thing, he takes a longer route and is regularly late to work. So these girls are like saying insulting stuff about Aman. Then Ananya asks me if I know about what happened between her and Aman. I said I don't know anything. I am not aware of anything. Also I just got a promotion and I am kind of busy. So I said that and made a casual conversation. I pretended I had no information. It's kind of true, Aman has not told me the details directly. I know from others. I asked Aman once, he said he will tell me later. And he is very stressed etc.

That day we had to work in a different place not on our office floor. So I left, aman and that girl who told us everything only those two were supposed to be working in the main office.

When Aman heard those girls were in the office, apparently he went out of the building itself. And Ananya and her friends came and started shouting at this other girl. This girl started calling everyone. Aman finally decided he must face Ananya and came to the office. This girl had called me. I told her I have work I can't come. Whatever happens make sure you record a video or something. This girl didn't.

Anyways. Now Ananya was very hyper. She was shouting in the public space outside the gate. This girl pulled Ananya and Aman and other two girls inside. Inside there was also a lot of shouting. But at least it was not in a public space.

Ananya said her interpersonal relationships with her family and bf have been affected by Aman's actions, Aman must resign, she forced him to call Aman's gf and inform her about it.

So this girl told ananya she should file a sexual harassment case to the department. Because what is the point of shouting at public spaces, follow the official procedure. But Ananya was like no. It will be an annoyance to her, and nothing will happen etc. Although apparently Ananya's BF wants her to file a case but she has been preventing him from filing the case to the police ig.

Also ananya is kind of pissed that Aman has good relations with everyone in the office and she has been sidelined. This point is very stupid because she doesn't work with our department full time any longer. Because of the old project, she sometimes has some overlapping work with us. But she has shifted to the other department. She is no longer working with us in full capacity.

All this stuff the girl told me.

Then aman and that girl they went to the department head again and informed the matter. The department head has spoken to them separately. And they are doing stuff idk the details.

.........................

Now I was trying to be neutral about this matter. I don't want to support the boy or the girl. We don't know what happened. But today Aman shared with me that last year during the trip Aman and Ananya were physical, they did not have s*x but made out. And eventually they stopped doing it. Now the thing is both Ananya and Aman have long term partners. Both of them have been dating their respective partners since school. So both of them have been dating for 10+ years and still decided to cheat. I personally hate people who cheat. I can't stand them. And I think these two are absolutely horrible people. I can't believe they both were so dumb. And feel really bad for their partners. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. I don't understand these people. Like how does anyone just feel aroused by someone who is not their partner. I really honestly don't get it.

I used to think I am paranoid about keeping personal and professional lives separated. Whenever I would say these things at work. People would be like you are too uptight, you should loosen up etc. I am so freaking glad. I never loosened up. And was super careful about sharing personal details. Nobody in my office knows if I am dating or not. I didn't go on that trip either, everyone told me to. I believe your coworkers are not supposed to be your friends. Like I don't even tell people my hobbies or what I do in my free time. And these people made me feel stupid about it. Now look at these idiots. All these people judged me. But at least I never made life destroying decisions.

....…....................................

Anyways I wanted to share this because I can't talk about this to anyone else. So I am just venting ig.

TL;DR:

Last year, Aman and Ananya made out during a trip, despite both being in 10+ year relationships with their respective partners. After things ended, Ananya's boyfriend began threatening Aman, and recently Ananya came to the office with two friends, creating a huge scene by confronting him, shouting at him, demanding he resign, and escalating the drama at work. The matter has now reached the department head. I think both Aman and Ananya were equally wrong for cheating, and I feel sorry for their long-term partners. The entire incident has only reinforced my belief in keeping my personal and professional lives strictly separate.

There is some office gossip going on. And I am not able to speak to anyone about it. And I just need to talk about the drama.

In my office, recently a female coworker called Ananya her boyfriend started sending threats to a male coworker called Aman in my office. Ananya's BF said stuff like he and his friends will beat up the Aman. Aman takes the local train everyday, Ananya's BF has said he has his men in the railway station. If Aman steps on to this station Ananya's BF will come to know etc.

This first round of threats probably happened sometime last month, because another female coworker of mine who is a little gossipy told us about it. Aman didn't tell us. She told us that something happened last when a group of people from the office took a holiday trip together to a hill station. I was not part of that trip because I had work.

Anyways eventually our senior was informed about it. She escalated the matter to the department head. The department head heard the matter that's it. The issue was over we thought. The BF is not an employee and it's not Ananya's doing directly. So the office basically can't get involved.

Now this week, Ananya came to our office with her two female friends.

So the friends work in a separate department. Ananya used to be in a project in our department but she is originally from the other department and currently she is working in the other department itself. She worked with us for a short duration.

So these three girls are in our working space. And they are like where is Aman etc. I am like he is late I guess. Aman is often especially after the local train thing, he takes a longer route and is regularly late to work. So these girls are like saying insulting stuff about Aman. Then Ananya asks me if I know about what happened between her and Aman. I said I don't know anything. I am not aware of anything. Also I just got a promotion and I am kind of busy. So I said that and made a casual conversation. I pretended I had no information. It's kind of true, Aman has not told me the details directly. I know from others. I asked Aman once, he said he will tell me later. And he is very stressed etc.

That day we had to work in a different place not on our office floor. So I left, aman and that girl who told us everything only those two were supposed to be working in the main office.

When Aman heard those girls were in the office, apparently he went out of the building itself. And Ananya and her friends came and started shouting at this other girl. This girl started calling everyone. Aman finally decided he must face Ananya and came to the office. This girl had called me. I told her I have work I can't come. Whatever happens make sure you record a video or something. This girl didn't.

Anyways. Now Ananya was very hyper. She was shouting in the public space outside the gate. This girl pulled Ananya and Aman and other two girls inside. Inside there was also a lot of shouting. But at least it was not in a public space.

Ananya said her interpersonal relationships with her family and bf have been affected by Aman's actions, Aman must resign, she forced him to call Aman's gf and inform her about it.

So this girl told ananya she should file a sexual harassment case to the department. Because what is the point of shouting at public spaces, follow the official procedure. But Ananya was like no. It will be an annoyance to her, and nothing will happen etc. Although apparently Ananya's BF wants her to file a case but she has been preventing him from filing the case to the police ig.

Also ananya is kind of pissed that Aman has good relations with everyone in the office and she has been sidelined. This point is very stupid because she doesn't work with our department full time any longer. Because of the old project, she sometimes has some overlapping work with us. But she has shifted to the other department. She is no longer working with us in full capacity.

All this stuff the girl told me.

Then aman and that girl they went to the department head again and informed the matter. The department head has spoken to them separately. And they are doing stuff idk the details.

.........................

Now I was trying to be neutral about this matter. I don't want to support the boy or the girl. We don't know what happened. But today Aman shared with me that last year during the trip Aman and Ananya were physical, they did not have s*x but made out. And eventually they stopped doing it. Now the thing is both Ananya and Aman have long term partners. Both of them have been dating their respective partners since school. So both of them have been dating for 10+ years and still decided to cheat. I personally hate people who cheat. I can't stand them. And I think these two are absolutely horrible people. I can't believe they both were so dumb. And feel really bad for their partners. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. I don't understand these people. Like how does anyone just feel aroused by someone who is not their partner. I really honestly don't get it.

I used to think I am paranoid about keeping personal and professional lives separated. Whenever I would say these things at work. People would be like you are too uptight, you should loosen up etc. I am so freaking glad. I never loosened up. And was super careful about sharing personal details. Nobody in my office knows if I am dating or not. I didn't go on that trip either, everyone told me to. I believe your coworkers are not supposed to be your friends. Like I don't even tell people my hobbies or what I do in my free time. And these people made me feel stupid about it. Now look at these idiots. All these people judged me. But at least I never made life destroying decisions.

....…....................................

Anyways I wanted to share this because I can't talk about this to anyone else. So I am just venting ig.

I work in neurology. We see a lot of dementia patients. So when taking the case history we rely largely on the primary caregiver for the details of the case because the patients themselves can't give an accurate history of their condition. And in a clinic setting I can't test and understand all the symptoms of a patient. The time required is too much. Neuroimaging can give me the area of the problem but I need to know the symptoms. Hence caregiver history is very important.

Now I face this a lot, where a son brings his mother or father to the clinic, especially rural areas or far away places. Men are responsible for hospital visits. But most of the time I found these sons to be REALLY bad at giving history. I have to keep asking questions, prompting them to get the information out. Most of these men don't look at what their parents are doing, are they sleeping properly, eating properly. They can't answer basic questions. If you are living with someone in the same house. You ought to know these things. And these are your mother's or father's. How can you be so clueless about your OWN parents???

Just today I had a DLB patient. I kept asking since when did she have motor problems, when did her walking slow down, did she have any falls or when did the tremors start. He kept saying last 3-4 months. I am just like it looks pretty advanced, are you sure? It generally doesn't progress this fast. Then he kept saying it has worsened in the 3-4 months, it probably began a year ago. I am just not convinced with this answer. Then while talking he says his older sister's also come she waiting outside. So I asked for her. And immediately this older sister who married lives in her in-laws house, says the motor symptoms began around 4 years ago. So even after covid lockdown was over her mother was restricted to the house. And she went on to give me detailed history with incidents, examples etc. I didn't have to prompt her much, she is just observant enough. Even though she doesn't live in that house but her in laws place is not too far away so she visits often. And most importantly she has paid attention.

I can give hundreds of stories like this. A few days ago, a man brought his father to our clinic. And a very similar thing was happening, where I was struggling to get information out of the son. And then eventually I got so frustrated. I was like I can't see this patient. If you can't answer a single question and the man can't speak for himself. Then I asked him to call his mother to ask for the details but the mother can't operate a phone. Eventually they had to come back another day with the mother. I mean if the son could give me some details I can piece it together. But no, the man just won't say a thing. Just wants to fix his father. HOW?? Is there some magic wand.

Another incident I remember this was a while ago. This son didn't live in the house. He worked outside. The mother stays with the daughter in law. The son and his wife had brought the mother. But the son came to talk to me and didn't bring his wife. So when I started asking questions about his mother. He was giving a completely wrong history. He doesn't live in the house but he is confidently saying things. From his history it seems like the mother had a stroke and developed cognitive symptoms. But in the MRI I can't see any infarct to corroborate the symptoms. So I am having a hard time believing this man. And the man is getting very upset because I am asking him so many questions. Eventually I ask for his wife, when I understand he doesn't live with the patient. And the son's wife gives great history. She even tells me details like at during the initial stages the mother would make mistakes while cutting vegetables for the particular sabzi that was being made. As in you cut the vegetable a particular shape for a particular recipe, but the mother would make mistakes. I mean that is seriously good observation. She was able to give the right timeline, the her history perfectly matched with her brain atrophy pattern in the MRI also. And the son's wife was not even class 10 pass but the son was a graduate. You don't even need to be highly educated for this.

I have more such stories. But the thing is in my experience husband's can answer about wife's illness properly but can't answer for their parents. I guess the wife is sharing a room so maybe the men are forced to notice changes in the person he sleeps next to everyday.

I have to add to this. My dad is also a doctor. But his patients are children, who also can't speak for themselves. So the history is taken from the parents. And my dad also complains of the same thing. The fathers are terrible at answering any medical question about their child. This i have also seen, you ask a father about birth related problems or developmental delays in the child. The father just stands there, can't answer shit.

This is my experience. Most of us see this in hospitals and clinics. My theory is that this happens because there is a low bonding of these men with their family members. And this makes me sad. Because these men are so distant from their own family, from the people they live with, from the people they interacts with everyday. What are this men close to them??? And have you guys noticed this kind of thing in other spheres of life?? And what to you think about my theory.