u/ResetHive

I'll share mine directly: Finishing something good. Like a productive day, or good workout, decent convo with someone.. and then the urge shows up out of nowhere. It took me very long to udnerstand that my brain was treating it like a reward...

Getting complimented is one too. Sounds a bit dumb but someone says something nice and a few hours later the urge hits..

And these are not about lust really, so they're hard to see coming

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. that's basically all it is).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. that's basically all it is).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. that's basically all it is).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. that's basically all it is).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. that's basically it).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

I'll try to make this short enough so that people dont skip it 😬

I think we focus a lot on the wrong stuff when trying to quit porn. I’ve noticed that in most recovery subs, a lot of the advice given is about the wrong layer of the problem (or at least, not the most important one) Especially when it comes to blockers, day counters, what apps to install, cold showers, or stuff like "what to do when urges hit at 2am".

im not saying all of this is useless but it’s very surface level... You could check your day count, have your blockers on, get hit by an urge, take a cold shower, and still find a workaround for the blocker, and relapse.

We dont think about this much but it's very clear what’s happening in our brains. Porn really isn’t something we need. It feels like it because of the dopamine, that’s most of it (yeah everyone knows about dopamine obviously, but it's another thing to actually internalize it, and understand that.. it's basically it).

The brain knows it can get a massive hit in just a few clicks, bigger than anything else in your day 🤷‍♂️ And that is it. Chemistry doing what chemistry does. And IMO when you know this and read about it, the urges become a lot less scary and you understand that it’s not like a deep truth about yourself. It’s very mechanical and explainable...

Same with the urges. Lots of advice about fighting them out there, distracting yourself, and white-knuckling. But they’re just feelings, and feelings pass if you let them (like, they 100% pass..). And so we try to resist harder all the time, but what we should be able to do is sit there, feel the discomfort and breathe. Theres really no need to escape it.. urges have much less grip if you dont.

And then blockers and trackers are really just optional. Nice added friction for sure, but not doing 80% of the job like many seem to believe.

Im not saying it's all super simple and that we should not also ask ourselves why we’re reaching for it in the first place. Like boredom, loneliness, stress, trauma, etc. Sometimes we’re really trying to avoid feeling something. It doesn’t always look like that but it’s the case many times. We skip that thing and go straight to porn because it’s uncomfortable. like focusing on treating the symptoms, basically.

This is not a lesson or a list of advice, but I think it's important to understand the chemistry and learn how to feel towards urges.

Something i want share today, starting with a small example: one guy on week 13 is losing attraction to his partner and questioning the whole relationship. Another guy on week 3 can't stop staring at his fiancée and desires her more than before. Ive seen a lot of similar stuff: in the same subs, same "addiction," totally opposite experiences..

Porn addiction is very different from person to person.

I think many people come here looking for precise steps and timelines but there just aren't any. The mindset is what matters IMO, less about what day X or week Y is supposed to feel like.

Also if youre measuring yourself against other people's posts youre gonna feel like you're doing it wrong no matter whats actually happening for you. Id say keep going and pay attention to your own thing.

Quick one, basically what I said in a comment a few days ago (and wanted to share here): blockers are mostly just friction. They help a bit but on their own they won't do anything if your head is still set on doing it. Youre the one who put them there so of course you will know the gaps and the ways around them.

And so Id stop expecting the blocker to save you. People deleting and reinstalling apps, stacking blockers, finding their own workarounds, repeating, doesnt work much IMO...

They (blocker apps) WILL give you a tiny pause though (friction!). Like a few seconds where you see yourself removing them and get the opportunity to do something different before autopilot takes over

The mindset around the urge and the first few minutes is where it's at. Finding the perfect blocker setup doesnt matter much, but still, a few more free seconds of having a choice!

Past the 50 mark which feels like something, even though days off over streaks!

Quick check-in on where I'm at:

Urges keep getting quieter. Theyre not gone but the volume keeps dropping, and I keep getting some days without them which is amazing. What's changed more than the frequency is the texture (not sure if that means anything..) when an urge shows up now, it feels more like something passing through than something I have to fight. I see it and it does its thing but then it moves on..

As i said earlier, I keep finding myself with hours I didnt used to have. Im reading more, finishing things, sleeping better, etc.. It's not DRAMATIC but defo adds up.

One thing I've been noticing, id say my baseline mood is different. More even.

Something else I want to say, kinda following up on what I said last time about helping others: I've also been more careful about not doing it from a "I've figured this out" place.. 51 days is just 51 days..... I want to share what's working for me and how I feel without sounding like Im selling ebooks.., because Im not lol

Shared this a few days ago:

https://www.reddit.com/r/QuitPornDaily/s/ogIcG5m6rw

Here's another, quicker one for the in-the-moment stuff, and its the half-second flinch before you tap. the "eh it's fine" you have to tell yourself like a micro-negotiation..

If you have to convince yourself it's fine, it's almost never fine.. the convincing IS the answer.

No peeking, no thirst trap scroll, no "just checking that profile." If your brain pauses for even a second to argue, that's a pretty clear tell.. skip it. The addiction is sneaky but not very subtle, I mean you always kind of know what youre doing

We now show up in Reddit communities when you search "quit porn". Small milestone but it means more people looking for a place like this can actually find it now.

Thanks to everyone who's joined so far. Hope it keeps growing, the more of us the better.

I remember my brain could go a bit like "websites are porn but short clips on reddit aren't. Sexual stories aren't really porn. OF scrolling isn't reeeeally porn. Bikini pics on insta definitely not porn."

So i quit the obvious porn and felt like I was clean (doing this properly at least). But then I quickly realized I wasn't and the addiction was just rerouting through whatever loophole that was open, and there were a lot of them.... our brains are great at doing this

So I developed a special test (lol): is this objectification?

Not really developed anything but I stopped asking "is this technically porn?" or "is this on a porn site?" and switched to: am I reducing a person to a body for my own use right now? Or simpler: is this objectification?

>If yes, ditch it. Doesn't matter what platform, what format, how "soft" it is. Same loop, same wiring, same s***.

And so far no false positives haha. The addiction can't argue its way around it the way it can with "well technically this isn't porn."

Day 43 today. one of my longest streaks

Urges have gotten rarer, it still happens but not like before and especially not like the first two weeks... it used to be constant and now its like every few days maybe, and weeeaker The gap between urge and doing something about it is also bigger.

Crazy amount of time back too. This didnt start today obviously, but it's just so much time back. Im just.. busy now

One thing i wanted to mention that doesnt get talked about much: helping others. Commenting on someone elses post, replying when someone's struggling, sharing what worked for you really does something for your own mindset. I think we talk a lot about getting support but not as much about giving it!

Anyway. day 43. still here.

Check-ins help a lot.

When I check in (like even a few words), Im basically looking at where im at.. it's super helpful. Doesnt matter who it's with, like partner, friend, sponsor, a journal, whatever (I journal), reminds me of what im doing.

Reading/hearing how others are doing helps too. Someone on day 3, someone on day 300, someone who just relapsed.. shame isolates and makes you think youre alone, so share and listen too!

Literally "day 5, struggling but still here" is enough. Thats a check-in, 100% counts. I discovered this late, it would have made things easier.

Been thinking about this one for a while. Seeing a lot of posts from partners lately and wanted to say a few things:

First, you can be the most supportive person in the world, read every book, go to every therapy session, say all the right things. But you can't make them quit. The change has to come from them, full stop.

If they dont want it for themselves, nothing you do will get them there..

What you can do is be supportive when theyre actually trying. That matters more than you know.

Now second thing I want to say, supportive doesn't mean carrying it for them. What i mean exactly: you come first. Only give what you can actually give. Not what you think you should be able to give, and not what they need you to give.

If you pour yourself out completely you'll have nothing left, and now two people are drowning.

People do change. I wanna say that im proof of that, a lot of us here are. But for some it takes years, and for some it never happens. Hard truth... So take care of yourself first.. Build your own life alongside whatever you're hoping for them