u/Resident_Pension_858

The game made the festival seem like it would be this HUGE event that would have a ton of major moments. In the normal route, the only memorable festival moment is rudy falling off the ladder, which we don't even see.

For an event that was mentioned since chapter 2, I thought it would be WAY longer. I thought we'd maybe see a new part of hometown, or maybe even see Asriel or papyrus for the first time. We could've even gotten a few mini games with dialogue for certain scores, like the climbing mini game in castle town.

Chapter 5 was definitely my favourite chapter by far, but I just felt like that the festival was such wasted potential. Does anyone else feel this way, or were my expectations just too high?

Ever since chai went and made the app inaccessible for free users, I haven't found a single good app.

Character Ai has horribly cheesy and unnatural responses, crushon just recycles the same paragraph over and over again no matter how many times you swipe, spicychat is WAY too serious, with characters that are usually shy randomly turning serious and seductive, and every other app I've tried isn't free.

Is there ANY app that is exactly like prime Chai, but doesn't cost money? I feel like I'm losing my mind trying the find something to replace it.

Before you assume I'm a sadist or something, I'm actually the complete opposite.

It all started when I was 13, just at the age where I started jerking off. I used to masturbate to normal stuff, until one day, I found a video of a person being tortured online.

And, for me? This awakened something inside of me. I started jerking off to the thought of someone torturing me like that. I just liked the thought of someone making me feel completely helpless, whilst ignoring my pleas.

I feel like an absolute psychopath, even though I'm the one who wants to be the victim of one of those videos. I have a girlfriend now, and I'm afraid that if we ever have sex, I'll be unable to cum because my brain is so used to associating pleasure with imagining myself being tortured. Any advice on how to rewire my brain back to normal?

If it helps, I've never had the thought of hurting someone else. Infact, I get really upset when I accidentally knock someone over or something. I feel like this is just a self-hatred thing, because I grew up with a horrible stutter, which caused me to get bullied nonstop. This is probably what made me into feeling helpless while being hurt.

Before you assume I'm a sadist or something, I'm actually the complete opposite.

It all started when I was 13, just at the age where I started jerking off. I used to masturbate to normal stuff, until one day, I found a video of a person being tortured online.

And, for me? This awakened something inside of me. I started jerking off to the thought of someone torturing me like that. I just liked the thought of someone making me feel completely helpless, whilst ignoring my pleas.

I feel like an absolute psychopath, even though I'm the one who wants to be the victim of one of those videos. Is there any way to rewire my brain into being attracted to normal stuff? I'm scared that I might be too far in to go back.

Now, just to clarify, I'm not transphobic at all. One of my favourite characters ever is non binary.

But when I was a kid, I always liked girly things.

It started off when I snuck into my mom's room when I was 6, and tried on some of her jewellery. As time went on, I found myself liking even more feminine things such as dresses.

But every single gay TV character from when I was a kid was always a living stereotype.

It was always just a man who wore excessive makeup, had an obnoxious "gay man" voice, or being gay was just their whole character.

As I grew up, I found some amazing characters. Around the 2016-2020 time, feminine boy characters were finally starting to get taken seriously. I spent a ton of time looking at fanart or fanfics of those characters.

I felt like I finally found my identity. It was such a relief to realise that being feminine as a man isn't a bad thing.

But as time went on, those characters got heavily altered by fans. Everyone started making "theory's" or "head canons" that those characters actually wanted to be trans. I thought it was just a silly theory, until people started to just consider it canon.

Every single fanart or fanfic had something got to do with them transitioning or becoming trans. Now, for my teenage mind, this hurt me deeply.

I thought I finally found people who understood who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be a girl, I just wanted to like feminine things. But instead? People refused to accept that those characters weren't trans.

Now, for trans people, that was a good thing. More representation means more people will get comfortable with coming out as trans to their friends or family.

I know this is selfish, but I didn't want those characters to be trans. I just wanted someone who was exactly like me. That also thought "you don't have to like masculine things to still be a man."

But then, my thoughts slowly changed.

I felt like I wasn't a real man. That if I wanted to be accepted, I had to transition. And I didn't. I just wanted to be myself. I thought that maybe if I just stopped looking at that kind of content for a while, it might change back to people respecting the characters for not transitioning.

I was wrong.

I came back around 5 months ago. First of all, every single comment section of a post of with a feminine boy (an actual person, not a fictional character) would always say "Your father is probably disappointed in you" or "Fa**ot".

The term "femboy", is no longer used for representation. It's used for sexualised content. If you search up femboy on Google, I guarantee you you'll find a sexualised femboy in a few seconds, if not immediately.

So basically, nowadays, if you're a femboy, people hate on you BADLY. Or they sexualise you and say "Send thigh pics" or "I'd pound you if I saw you in real life."

And if you're trans? There's still hate, but not nearly as much as on a femboys post. And there's little to no sexualisation.

These types of comments and posts have scared me out of coming out to anyone. Currently, I am 17. I am a closeted gay, and I love secretly buying girly things for myself. I am not afraid to admit that on this anonymous account. I have accepted that this is who I am now, as I have liked feminine things for 11 years now.

I just wanted to finally get that off my chest. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this long rant.