u/RespondRelative308

I know this is going to sound shallow, cruel, and probably immature, but I need honest advice and not just judgment.

I’ve been struggling in my marriage because I’m not physically attracted to my husband the way I wish I was, and I don’t know how to move past it mentally. We have two beautiful kids together, and divorce is not something I’m currently planning, but internally I feel unhappy and conflicted.

My husband is around 5’6”, and for years I noticed that his body proportions looked different ,like his torso is longer and his legs shorter,but I never thought much beyond “he’s just built differently.” I didn’t know about any condition or syndrome.
Then about a month ago, I found out he had been born with an extra finger that was removed when he was little. That made me start researching and connecting things, and I realized he may have a rare syndrome/condition that affects body proportions and physical development. It’s not something most people would even recognize or know exists, and he himself doesn’t even think he has it or acknowledge it.

I honestly think growing up with that, especially in a poor country where people didn’t understand medical things well, affected him deeply psychologically.

What’s strange is that he actually functions very confidently in normal life. He’s successful at work, social with friends, respected professionally, and not insecure around me. The ONLY place where his low self-esteem really appears is around his family. They subtly belittle him or dismiss him more, and I can tell there’s something rooted there from childhood. Around them, he becomes emotionally smaller.

The problem is that physical attraction matters to me more than I wish it did. His face is handsome to me, but overall I struggle with attraction, especially when I go back to my Eastern European home country where people are generally very tall. Then I start comparing and overthinking everything, and I hate myself for it.

What makes it harder is that our relationship also lacks emotional fulfillment sometimes. Communication isn’t amazing, and there are personality traits that frustrate me too. So when attraction is weak, every other issue feels amplified.

At the same time, I feel horrible because I know he’s still a human being who probably carries wounds from being treated differently growing up. And I hate that part of me cares so much about appearances and what other people might silently think.

I genuinely want advice:
How do people shift their mindset when attraction becomes complicated?
Can attraction grow more through emotional connection and respect?
How do you stop obsessing over physical flaws or comparisons?
And how do you stop caring what other people silently think about your partner?

Please be honest but not cruel. I already feel guilty enough for even writing this.

I’m a stay-at-home mom of two very young kids, 3.5 yeaes and 1.5 years im 34F and lately I’ve been struggling a lot with my identity. I love my children deeply, but sometimes I feel like I’m nobody outside of being “mom” or someone’s wife.
Before kids, I worked, had my own routine, goals, confidence, and personality. Now most days are diapers, cleaning, feeding, surviving exhaustion, and trying to keep everyone okay. I barely recognize myself anymore. I feel guilty even admitting this because I know motherhood is a blessing, but at the same time I feel emotionally empty and disconnected from who I used to be.
I also don’t really have much support or a social life right now, so it’s easy to feel isolated and invisible. Sometimes I look at other women who still seem confident, feminine, interesting, or ambitious after kids and wonder how they did it.
For women who went through this:
• How did you rebuild your sense of self?
• What helped you feel like your own person again?
• Did confidence come back eventually?
• How did you stop feeling “small” or dependent on your family for your whole identity?
I’m not looking for perfection honestly. I just want to feel alive, grounded, and like there’s still a woman inside me outside of motherhood.
Would really appreciate hearing from women who truly understand this phase.

I’m looking for real, current online job options that are actually working lately not things that worked 2–3 years ago or outdated ideas.
I’m a mom with limited flexibility, so I need something:
• Remote / online

•	Flexible hours (can work around kids)

•	Legit and stable (not scams or “course-selling”)

I’m open to anything that is:
• Entry-level or can be learned relatively quickly

•	Part-time or scalable over time

If you’re a woman (especially a mom) who is currently doing something online that is working right now in 2025–2026, I would really appreciate if you can share:
• What you do

•	How you got started

•	If it actually pays consistently

Even small income streams are okay I just want something real and doable.
Thank you so much 🤍

I’m looking for honest perspectives, especially from moms who’ve been in a similar situation.

I have two kids (4 and 2) and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. My husband works and earns very well — we are not struggling financially. This is important because my question is not about needing money to survive.

He covers all major expenses, and for the past several months he’s been giving me about $1,000/month for my personal spending (coffee, small shopping, things for the kids that aren’t essential, etc.). We are also trying to save for a better house and future, so overall we’re mindful with spending.

Lately I’ve been thinking about going back to work, but only part-time — around 3–4 hours a day, 3–4 days a week. The issue is both kids would need to be in daycare during that time.

When I think about it financially, what I’d earn would probably be around the same (or not much more) than what I already receive monthly. So this isn’t really about increasing our household income.

This is more about me — my independence, my identity, and what puts me in a better position as a woman long-term.

At the same time, I’m trying to be realistic:

•	I don’t want to create unnecessary stress for myself with constant drop-offs, pickups, and rushing

•	I don’t know if working such short hours is even worth the mental load

•	I worry it might just feel like doing *everything* (work + kids) without real benefit

If I wait, my oldest will start kindergarten in about 2 years (due to a September birthday), so I could return to work more easily then.

Also, just to clarify — I’m aware of the dynamic of my husband being the main earner and having more control over finances. I’m not ignoring that, but I’m also not in a position where I’m looking to make drastic decisions right now. I’m trying to be smart and build a better situation for myself step by step.

So I feel stuck between:

•	waiting a couple more years and returning to work in a more meaningful/less stressful way

vs

•	starting now, even if financially it barely changes anything

For those who’ve done something similar — is it worth it?

Did part-time work at this stage improve your life, or just make things more stressful?

Looking to go back in banking style jobs

I’m looking for honest perspectives, especially from moms who’ve been in a similar situation.

I have two kids (4 and 2) and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. My husband works and earns very well we are not struggling financially. This is important because my question is not about needing money to survive.

He covers all major expenses, and for the past several months he’s been giving me about $1,000/month for my personal spending (coffee, small shopping, things for the kids that aren’t essential, etc.). We are also trying to save for a better house and future, so overall we’re mindful with spending.

Lately I’ve been thinking about going back to work, but only part-time around 3–4 hours a day, 3–4 days a week. The issue is both kids would need to be in daycare during that time.

When I think about it financially, what I’d earn would probably be around the same (or not much more) than what I already receive monthly. So this isn’t really about increasing our household income.

This is more about me my independence, my identity, and what puts me in a better position as a woman long-term.

At the same time, I’m trying to be realistic:

•	I don’t want to create unnecessary stress for myself with constant drop-offs, pickups, and rushing

•	I don’t know if working such short hours is even worth the mental load

•	I worry it might just feel like doing *everything* (work + kids) without real benefit

If I wait, my oldest will start kindergarten in about 2 years (due to a September birthday), so I could return to work more easily then.

Also, just to clarify — I’m aware of the dynamic of my husband being the main earner and having more control over finances. I’m not ignoring that, but I’m also not in a position where I’m looking to make drastic decisions right now. I’m trying to be smart and build a better situation for myself step by step.

So I feel stuck between:

•	waiting a couple more years and returning to work in a more meaningful/less stressful way

vs

•	starting now, even if financially it barely changes anything

For those who’ve done something similar — is it worth it?

Did part-time work at this stage improve your life, or just make things more stressful?

I worked before in bank and thats what i would be looking again or as receptionist

I’m a 34F, with 35M married with two small kids, and I feel like my life has slowly turned into something I don’t recognize anymore.

I moved away from my home country years ago, so I don’t have my family here. I’m basically alone, except for my husband’s family, and I don’t feel comfortable or supported around them. I often feel judged, small, and like I have to perform just to be accepted. It’s exhausting.

I used to work and had my own income and identity, but since having kids I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. Daycare is too expensive, so going back to work doesn’t even feel worth it financially. At the same time, depending on my husband for everything has completely shifted the power dynamic in our relationship, and not in a good way. I feel like he doesn’t treat me with the same respect anymore.

There are also issues in our relationship that I can’t seem to resolve. Even trying to communicate things (including intimacy) turns into him getting defensive or taking it personally, so I’ve started to just hold things in. I feel unheard and emotionally disconnected.

On top of that, I feel isolated socially. I don’t have close friends here, I miss my family deeply, and I’m trying to raise my kids in a culture that isn’t fully mine while also wanting them to stay connected to where I come from. It’s like I don’t fully belong anywhere.

Some days I feel strong and tell myself I’ll change things, but most days I feel stuc financially, emotionally, and mentally. Like I’m just surviving, not actually living.

I don’t even know what my next step is supposed to be. Go back to work and barely break even? Stay home and keep feeling dependent? Try harder in my marriage when I already feel drained?

Has anyone been in a similar situation and actually gotten out of it? What did you do?

I just want to feel like myself again.

I’m trying to understand if this is something that can be improved or if it’s just a mismatch.

My husband (35M) and I (34F) have been together for a few years and have kids. From the beginning, I’ve always felt like our sexual dynamic is a bit off.

I do enjoy sex in general, but with him specifically, I often feel disconnected. He tends to be very direct, fast, and sometimes aggressive in how he approaches sex or even how he talks about it (for example, using phrases that feel more intense or crude rather than intimate). For him, this seems normal and like it’s just being “passionate.”

For me, that kind of tone actually turns me off. I need more emotional connection, slower pace, and a feeling of being desired in a more respectful/intimate way, not just physical intensity.

The issue is, when I’ve tried to gently communicate things like “I prefer it slower” or “I like a different tone,” he takes it very personally, like I’m saying he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and gets hurt or defensive. After that, I feel like I can’t say anything without upsetting him.

So I end up not saying much, but then nothing really improves.

I also have this fear that if I don’t go along with his style, he’ll see me as boring or “not fun,” even though that’s not true I just have a different way of experiencing intimacy.

I’m starting to realize sex is more important in a relationship than I used to think, and I don’t want this to become a long-term issue.

Has anyone been in a situation like this?

Can someone actually become more emotionally attuned in this area, or is this just a compatibility issue?

I’m open to honest perspectives.

I’m looking for honest advice, even if it’s uncomfortable to hear.

I’m married with two small children and currently not working, so I’m financially and logistically dependent on my husband. We don’t have much outside support, so our relationship dynamic really affects my daily life.

The issue I’m struggling with is respect. My husband is generally a good person and treats others (friends, family, even strangers) with kindness and patience. But with me, he can be much more controlling, dismissive, or harsh. It feels like he holds me to a different standard.

If I bring it up, he usually says he loves me, sometimes apologizes, and wants to move on but the pattern doesn’t really change. Over time, it’s made me feel like my feelings don’t carry the same weight.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is that when I’m happy, social, or enjoying myself (especially around my family), I sometimes feel a shift in his attitude like he becomes distant or tense. It makes me feel like I have to shrink myself to keep things smooth.

I don’t think he sees himself as disrespectful, which makes this harder to address. I’m trying to understand if this is something I can realistically change through my own actions or communication, or if I’m missing something about the dynamic.

For people who have been in similar situation how did you handle it? What actually helped shift the respect and balance in the relationship?

I’m open to honest perspectives, even if they’re not easy to hear.