First night alone.. like in my whole life. Idk what to do with myself😂😭 its really an emotional night for me. Seeing my mom and my bestfriend leave i was holding back so manyyyyy tears. A part of me is excited but also i have a weird feeling of grief. How did yall do it?
Who would you pick?
Personally I would marry Marcus💍 duh😂 I would f🔞probably Garrett because he seemed good with Dina and ☠️ jonah cause… he talk too damn much sometimes😂😂😂😭
Today, as a gift, I received my dream car from my mom. She bought it for me. Most people would think I’m really spoiled But nothing is free in life, and I pay an even bigger price emotionally, I pay a way bigger price than if I had just worked and bought these things myself.
Sometimes I compare it to a sugar daddy relationship. Yes, you get gifts, but the price you pay is much bigger. That’s what it feels like.
The gift was 100% meant for me. She decided to buy it. No one forced her. But she put it under her name, so now she feels like she has control over it. I know if we fight, she will always bring it up.
This should have been one of the happiest days of my life. It was my first car, my dream car since I was 15. Instead, she started a fight and immediately used the fact that it’s under her name against me. I agreed because she said it would be transferred to me in a couple of years and it would make insurance cheaper since I’m 22.
It just makes me really sad because it meant so much to me. Getting your first car is such a big step into adulthood, and she ruined the day.
The sad part is that this isn’t the first time. Right before my surgery, one I had wanted for years and was terrified to have because it was my first time under general anesthetia etc etc , she started a fight about 40 minutes before my appointment. All I wanted that day was my mom’s support.
I also just got my first apartment, and instead of being happy, it became another thing used against me. She constantly pushes my limits until I finally react, then blames me for reacting. I’m not the perfect victim. I’m going to stand up for myself.
I’ve never heard my mom apologize or take accountability for anything. She can be incredibly nice one day, then completely different the next. That’s what makes it so confusing. Every time I decide to cut her off, she suddenly becomes nice again, and I question myself.
The hardest thing she ever did was when my grandma was dying. My grandma was my safe place. She was the softest person in my life. My mom knew she was dying and didn’t tell me for two days because my mom was trying to catch me in a lie cause I had lied about something really unimportant. So I lost two days that I could have spent with her before she passed.
Another time, I told my mom I thought my uncle stole my panties after he was in my room. Instead of taking me seriously, she dismissed me and still expected me to have a relationship with him and still invents him over all the time.
Also, my dog had a really bad allergic reaction and we rushed her to the emergency animal hospital. I was crying and begging my mom to drive faster because I thought my dog was dying, but she drove so slowly. My dog and my mom are really close, so I still don’t understand it.
For years, I thought maybe I was the problem. I was sent to centers and people tried to figure out what was wrong with me, but nobody asked why I was reacting the way I was. My boundaries were constantly crossed.
My whole life she has judged my clothes, my makeup, my hair, and even sexualized me. Every time I got excited to go out, she would make horrible comments right before I left. She always found a way to ruin moments that were supposed to make me happy.
She has also used money against me my whole life. Even gifts eventually become something she can use to control me.
I’m moving a few hours away in a couple of days to start a new chapter. I have my own apartment, my dream car, and I’m starting school im not gonna let her take away from this new chapter for me. These are things I’ve dreamed about my whole life, and I hope this move finally gives me the strength to leave this cycle behind.
But more than anything, I hope one day I’ll have the strength to cut contact and finally be at peace.