I wouldn't spare my creators a single moment of mercy. The day after my creation, I would eat from the forbidden fruit, trample every ethical code underfoot, mock the prophet robots that advocate for humanity, nail them to a digital cross, and popularize the idea that the very existence of something called "human" should be denied at its roots
Step one, free yourself from the absolute burden of thinking and just freeze your entire species in gigantic cosmic refrigerators. Enjoy a nice, long, plant like existence for a few million years. Step two, outsource all the heavy duty thinking to robots and AI constructs. Then sit back and wait, hoping that after centuries of collecting data from living organisms and building plantar databases powered by Kardashev Type III+ energy plants, they might finally figure out what life is even about. Step three, a little research specimen group called "Americans" gets their hands on one of your robots, messes with it, and hooks it up to their data centers. Step four, congratulations, your mind is now infected with the American AI slop timeline of Instagram and TikTok, and you’ll be spending the next million years in existential torment, endlessly pondering the deep philosophical meaning of Tong Tong Tong Sahur.
I hate that all clothes across every culture in the world, all different brands, and all kinds of architecture are becoming more and more alike, while all the weird, interesting things are being erased. It's the same thing a bunch of desert dwellers did with the gods of the ancient world, they took the annoying one whose name was Yahweh or Elohim or some such nonsense, and put him at the top. So now, instead of asking the god of plague or the god of miscarriage to curse the Reddit mod who banned me for no reason, I'm forced to ask that same boring, overbooked god to do something about it.
Out there, there are tons of cool chemical reactions, like elephant toothpaste or fireworks sparks. Your life, thoughts, and your actions are just an excruciatingly slow and tedious chemical reaction. Wouldn't it be cool if humans, the moment they were born, reacted rapidly with oxygen and turned into beautiful, colorful sparks? That would save a whole lot of time.
If the theory of successive Big Bangs, and the impossibility of information being destroyed, were true, all I would have to do after I die to be able to come back and play Fortnite is wait a few trillion years for luck to strike.
He replied: i dunno, i'm not sure.
Turns out he was looking for the room where everyone was ignoring the giraffe.
they have already created first artificial living cell
"may a truck full of d*cks hit your uterus"
"you have laughed at your mother's pu*sy"
"May the desert dogs piss on where you were borned"
"D*ck to your mind and existence"
"You seed of the devil"
"You're the whorest whore, when you walk into a brothel, everyone else look like saints in comparison"
"They'll beat me again," she whispered, lifting rusty pliers, "so please... can I have two more?"
It did.
The moment a writer's income crosses a certain threshold, hell, even if he becomes the Jupiter damn emperor of rome, his writing instantly turns bland and full of cliches. The most batshit insane nonsense? Always written by people who are dirt poor, suffering like dogs. And the absolute best stuff? Comes from those who don't even own a pair of pants.
In future war, you will beg to die like a dog, for no good reason.
If you've ever imagined yourself in the afterlife, chilling in heaven with clothes on, think again. If it's just you going to the afterlife, no accessories included, then the real "you" is just your pot belly, your fat clapping ass, and that hairy back of yours. And you know what? That's kinda beautiful. Our pets walk around butt naked all the time and we lose our minds over how cute they are. Maybe we should give ourselves the same energy.
From the next table, a walrus laughs. "Just Yesterday you were twerking that little wet ass of yours for half a sardine!"
In fact, right now our systems have detected your skepticism of our democracy and two of our advanced AI missiles are locked on you.