What do I do to improve my life?
I’m 17 in less than 2 weeks and I’ve been thinking about my life a lot, I have very low self esteem, 1 main friend, not particularly good looking, not that great when it comes to academics and have pretty much spent my days doing nothing. I don’t hang out with a lot of people, while I do technically have friends it’s more acquaintances from school that really couldn’t care less about me. We don’t really go out unless there’s the odd birthday or party I’m invited to. I also have friends from my music lessons away from school but they’re all older so it’s not really in the question for me to hang out with them. I have my best friend who I adore but she has her boyfriend who she is so in love with and they hang out quite a lot, so we don’t really interact as much as we used to. I obviously don’t mind it’s just I’ve noticed how much of my days I used to spend talking to her. I’ve felt so much more alone recently and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve even tried to ask my mother to do go and do something with me every now and again but she always says no, and it makes me feel even more pathetic. When it comes to school I struggle with maths and the language I study, everything else I’d say I’d be just below average at. I don’t know how to study or better myself when it comes to school, I am starting to stress myself out about school since I’m in my Second last year and I can feel the academic pressure. When it comes to doing stuff with my days I end up just mindlessly scrolling on my phone. Don’t get me wrong Ive have had good days when it comes to social stuff, but I’ve noticed me sort of being the extra friend, or that I’m not as much involved as the others are. And the only reason I’d be invited is because of my best friend being there. I don’t know if that’s a reflection on me or not. I wouldn’t describe myself as really awkward but I am on the more reserved side when it comes to most people, recently I’ve had a little bit of anxiety when talking to people because of it and have had trouble with eye contact in fear of being perceived as awkward. I feel like I’ve been wasting my teenage years and I’m scared I won’t know how to go about being an adult next year. I know this post is a little bit of word diarrhoea but i hope someone can try and make sense of it. I need advice.