u/River-Chalice-23

Looking at a farmhouse on 8 acres that would be a second home for ~7 years and then a forever home once kids graduate. I have rehabbed every home I ever purchased, so the work isn't the issue. It is also is the area where we want to be long-term and would run about $400k if properly fixed up.

House has city water/sewer, new roof. Was purchased in 2019, guy died in 2025, estate defaulted on the mortgage. It was clear the guy was trying to fix the house up and it is left in mid-reno condition. VA listing agent is notorious. She has never been to the property and says no utilities will be turned on. Poor communicator who just wants a buyer/buyer agent to submit an offer through VRM and call it good. There will also be no inspections. House is ugly but livable.

I can go through the house myself and glean information with my agent. Between my construction experience and his real estate experience, we can scope out a lot. I have never had a foreclosure situation where the listing agent was so checked out.

Current list price is $175k, it sold for $213k in 2019 before the foreclosure. Under the circumstance of zero info from listing agent, no ability to inspect or test systems, and basically a surface-level walk through, where do I start on price? For comparison, a similar derelict property on 46 acres in the same community sat on the market for 325 days, dropped from $350k to selling at $135k and that was through a regular sale. However, that comp allowed inspections and had a responsive listing agent with tons of info and inspections.

Any insight is appreciated. Thanks!

My 17yo daughter will be auditioning for several conservatory programs in the US in the spring. She currently takes private instruction from a retired conservatory professor who went to Juilliard and studied with Elaine Douvas.

Her instructor told her that unless she is able to practice 4 to 5 hours a day, she will not be prepared for college auditions. She also told her auditioning for All District and All State is a waste of time and that if she was serious about music, she would only be focused on her college auditions.

But my daughter is a high school senior in a public school. Her grades in school band are tied to All State and All District auditioning as well as performing in MPA. She is in school from 7:30 AM to 3:00 PM, is enrolled in five courses, (including two college courses), works a part-time job on the weekends so she has pocket money, and also offers music lessons for pay at a local music school. She is also an auditioned member of a local university orchestra, where she serves as principal oboe and soloist.

She is currently practicing between an hour and a half and five hours a day on weekdays and then up to 1-3 hours each day on the weekends.

Is she really “doomed“ for her conservatory auditions if she is not practicing 4 to 5 hours a day?

She had private lessons with each of the oboe studios at her intended schools and the faculty there were very encouraging, invited her back for tours, and are looking forward to seeing her audition in the spring. One even sent her a signed copy of his book.

From a completely non-musical parent perspective, I took the encouragement as positive signs that she had a chance. But hearing this from her private instructor gives me pause.

Should I be encouraging her to quit her job? Stop offering lessons for pay? I want her to be successful and go to the school that she wants to go to, but I really don’t know the realistic path to encourage her on.

Long story short, I got a new supervisor who is making it necessary for the first time in my career to request accommodations. His communication style, inconsistent verbal instructions, and constant layering of tasks without clear prioritization is making me physically sick. This role went from the best job I have ever had to a role I am actively trying to leave.

Dear Human Resources,
I am writing to formally request reasonable accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) due to my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS).

MS is a chronic neurological condition that can significantly affect cognitive processing speed, executive functioning, concentration, memory, and fatigue, particularly during periods of increased neurological stress.

My goal is to continue performing the essential functions of my position successfully while minimizing medically significant symptom exacerbations through reasonable workplace accommodations.

To support my continued performance and ensure a consistent work environment that accommodates my disability, I respectfully request that employer implement the following accommodations through the ADA interactive process:

1. Written Communication of Work Direction
Management should communicate assignments, project priorities, deliverables, deadlines, changes in scope, and performance expectations through email, Microsoft Teams, Monday.com, or another company-approved written communication platform.

Text messaging should not be used for assigning work, modifying priorities, communicating deliverables, providing performance feedback, or documenting work expectations.

2. Written Documentation of Material Changes
Material changes to project priorities, deadlines, deliverables, responsibilities, or strategic direction should be communicated by management in writing to ensure a clear and consistent understanding of expectations.

3. Scheduled Meetings and Documented Outcomes
Whenever practicable, management-scheduled meetings regarding project direction, work assignments, performance, or corrective feedback should be scheduled in advance with the purpose of the meeting identified beforehand in writing.
Following these meetings, management should provide written documentation of agreed-upon action items, priorities, deliverables, deadlines, and expectations.

4. Written Performance Feedback
Performance coaching, constructive feedback, or corrective guidance from management should be provided in writing or summarized in writing following verbal discussions to ensure accuracy and consistency.

5. Clear Prioritization of Assignments
When multiple competing priorities or deadlines exist, management should identify the relative priority of assignments in writing so that I can allocate my efforts in accordance with organizational expectations.

6. Alignment of Role Responsibilities and Performance Expectations
To reduce ambiguity that may exacerbate my neurological symptoms, I request that my assigned responsibilities, performance expectations, and evaluation criteria remain aligned with the essential functions of my current position description.
If organizational priorities require material changes to the scope of my role or the responsibilities expected of my position, I request that those changes be documented in writing and that my position description and performance objectives be reviewed and updated accordingly to ensure mutual understanding and consistency.
I also request that my performance be evaluated based on documented job responsibilities, established performance objectives, and written work direction provided during the applicable evaluation period.

7. Workplace Flexibility During MS Exacerbations
During documented MS exacerbations, I request flexibility to temporarily work remotely or utilize a modified work schedule when doing so is compatible with the essential functions of my position.

8. Recovery Breaks
I request the ability to take brief recovery breaks during periods of neurological fatigue or symptom exacerbation without adverse impact on my performance evaluation.

These accommodations are intended to reduce unnecessary cognitive load and toil, provide consistent communication, establish clear expectations, and enable me to continue performing the essential functions of my position successfully.
I remain fully committed to employer’s mission and to performing my responsibilities at the highest level possible.

My intent is to work collaboratively through the ADA interactive process to identify reasonable accommodations that support both my medical needs and the organization’s operational requirements.

My treating neurologist can provide documentation regarding my diagnosis, functional limitations, and the medical necessity of these accommodations, or can discuss alternative accommodations that would effectively address those limitations.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I appreciate your partnership in this process and look forward to working together to identify accommodations that allow me to continue contributing effectively to the organization.

Ever since they were sold, UD has really become beige in the worst sense. I was at Ulta the other day and saw where all their Vice lipsticks were half off, so I did some digging and found they are abandoning the line.

The cream version of their Vice lipsticks were the best for hydration, smudge-proof staying power without over-drying, and saturated pigment. Their “Drive In” (saturated orange-red) is one of my favs. I love the structure of a lipstick and feel like glosses are too informal.

So, now that UD has abandoned lipstick, what brand is a similar go-to for cream/shine true lipsticks? I have several MAC shades, but they smudge so badly. I don’t like matte formulations.

I am looking for an independent Jeep mechanic in western North Carolina that comes highly recommended. Any NC folks have someone they trust to do good work?

I am a tall, thin woman with a very straight up and down build. All of the traditional body elements and curves a woman can use to conceal, I don’t have them. I get made in pretty much everything I have tried. Moreover, my normal clothing size is small, so even when I don’t wear anything too tight there is still little fabric left over.

Even with my LCP there is a bulge visible through my clothes wherever I put it. Winter is less bad because I can wear a vest, but in warm weather I would have to wear clothes two sizes too big.

I have tried ITB, underarm, compression tanks under regular clothes. I do a fashion show for my family and even my 11yo is like “it’s on your stomach on the right and your extra clip is on the left” or “you can’t put your arm down by your side, why are you holding your arm weird”.

What am I missing? Has anyone found something that works if you’re skinny and still want to wear feminine clothes in a size that fits? Especially in the summer.

I am considering the purchase of a ~10 acre property with an original 19th century brick home. When I went to look at the land, maybe 3 to 5 acres of the tract are clearly unusable and contain visible wetland habitat and inundated hydric soil. However, the property is priced as though all 10 acres are flat, dry, buildable acres. There are no outbuildings on the property, so we would at least need to build those.

Currently priced at $399k for a “10 acre estate”, if half of the acreage is unusable (no farming/gardening/walking/building) and the wetland areas fragment and isolate usable areas of the property, how much does that devalue the acre?

Farmable acreage in this county averages $8k per acre, buildable lots $25k+ an acre. Subdivision rules require a minimum 1 acre lot plus easements, and any new buildings on the lot have 25ft setbacks from the line and 75ft setbacks from county easements.

I am from the US, my husband is from the UK and Australia. We live in the bible belt of the American south and our tween and teen children were born and raised here.

I grew up in the American North where abrupt, direct communication and “telling it like it is” is the preferred method of cultural communication. My husband grew up where direct, profanity-laden communication is the norm. Not swearing AT people or being abusive, but peppering statements with intermittent swear words.

Long story short, our southern-raised children from a culture where neither direct communication nor profanity are considered proper or appropriate have started to confront us about being “bad communicators”, “talking abusively”, “raging out”, “setting bad examples”, “being rude” etc whenever we are simply communicating in the style of where we were raised.

We don’t scream, we don’t swear at the kids or call them names, we don’t engage in radical honesty that hurts feelings, but we are being told by the kids that we are inflicting trauma on them if I say “well, that thing was a direct consequence of your bad choice” or “that was f-ing ridiculous, what did you think would happen” instead of “bless your heart”.

Real life example from tonight, a kid left the exterior door to our house ajar (like open to the world) and just walked in the house after school. Husband found it and said “who doesn’t know how to shut the f-ing door, I am tired of having to tell you. You both know better” and made them come close it instead of shutting the door himself and saying “hey guys, remember how we talked about keeping the door to our house closed? Yeah? Well, we really have to work on that”, which is what the older child said is the appropriate parenting communication.

Since the kids have never lived anywhere else, it is hard to explain that humans communicate differently around the world and you have to get used to different styles without falling apart or taking it personally. But because they hear how other adults verbally coddle children here and folks rarely communicate bluntly or swear, we look like unstable delinquent parents by comparison.

Regardless, the kids both take it really personally whenever we engage in blunt communication. How do we address this cultural divide between us as parents, how we were raised, and the cultural expectations our kids have due to where they grew up?

Is this a reasonable consequence for a 17yo who shattered a glass on the back doormat outside, shook the shards into the flower bed and grass where people and pets walk barefoot, lied about “cleaning it up”, got caught both by a witness and on security camera, and then copped an attitude about having to clean it up, and continued to lie and say that shaking it into the grass was an “accident” when the video footage shows her walking inside and getting a broom?

The consequence is a week of service to the household and other family members by taking over chores that are typically someone else’s. There are 6 items on the list, daily dishes and trash duty, and four special projects (closet organization, cleaning interior of a car, folding and putting away laundry, and cleaning the bathroom). She has until 10:00pm on the 10th to complete everything. Other than that, she is on her own timeline.

Her prom is Saturday and my husband is so mad that she willfully created an unsafe situation for the pets and family with zero remorse and wants to make her miss prom, but that hasn’t happened yet.

When I presented this list to her very calmly and matter of factly, she lost it. Says she has school, homework, and a part time job and she can’t possibly help around the house at this level, too. Says she is going to quit her job. Says I don’t love her. I stayed calm, said she has her list and timeline, and there are not going to be any reminders. And if these things aren’t done by the 10th there will be additional consequences. I also said I worked very hard this week to make sure she has what she needed for prom and this level of dishonesty and lack of personal accountability is not reflective of someone who appreciates other people working hard for them.

We had such a good week prom shopping and getting everything ready, we even spent the afternoon together grocery shopping and running errands. I don’t understand how her behavior can take such a dive so quickly. And then standing by the lie with video footage showing her shaking and sweeping glass shards into the yard.