u/RopeTerrible1735

Never again. I was the 10% not ex-forces.

Im sure the rest thought they were still in the forces and acted as if they were. You'd have managers acting like Drill Seargent screaming in your face. And the bad language.....

The Ex-forces people thought they knew it all the civvies were below them.

At that point, I had 25 years experience in IT industry. I got assigned an ex-forces engineer 5 years out of the Forces who thought it was his job "to make me a better engineer".

In the end accepted voluntary redundancy - best thing I ever did.

Wife dx,rx - Think I mentioned on one thread about how my wife will just say something. It often tactless, not necessary or just plain something to think but not say.

Happens ALL the time with here. She'll say it and it won't be REALLY bad but it makes you think "Riiighhhht. OK then" if that makes sense. An example I gave was I was doing DIY and having a bad time so she says "well it won't be done until next winter". Not needed - read the room.

I can only imagine how something will land when its a work colleague or someone you don't know that well. Some of the things she says if a work colleague said to me I wouldn't say anything but I'd be like "well you can do one".

Anyway, seems like 2 or 3 people in work have taken offence and reported her. As such, her probation has been extended. Its a little unfair because I think these people have ganged up a little on her and manager has overreacted.

Knowing my wife and how she does it to me. Its not done maliciously AT ALL. She means no harm by any of it. Its very annoying at times and she maybe could try to keep a bit quiter BUT....

She explained one time how she said something like "well where I used to work...." and this was in an environment where there were others around from outside the company. Not something that should have been said and she agreed. At the time I just thought "yep I can imagine you saying that" - and I also thought "yep I can imagine how that landed as well".

Employer does not know about her ADHD. I think she needs to tell them to explain some of this.

BUT if I mention it and says she does the same to me it might not end well. Any suggestions how to broach the subject?

Wife DX. An example from yesterday which happens a LOT.

Sat around all day until about 5pm. I was working (it went badly) and I ended up working till 9pm.

Anyway 5pm wife decides to cut the grass, then do the weeds, then do something else outside. Till 10pm and its dark/

I end up back and fore sorting daughter out for food while shes still out there. Won't stop - its got to be done apparently. Bit peed off that the one day I get stuck working late she can't stop herself getting obsessed with something.

Does it all time. Its like her life runs in cycles. 2-3 days full on, looks like crap, struggles in work, then 2 days completely worn out does nothing. Then repeat .Doesn't make sense at all how you can be so obsessed with something.

Of course, in her head, there SO MUCH TO DO all the time....

Its strange to see and I worry that its getting worse and turning into a more serious mental illness.

Is this sort of thing to be expected with ADHD? What should I do - let her get on with it like this?

Wife DX and RX. Now I'm pretty sure she just does not understand what she is doing and there is no malice behind BUT its hard to deal with.

Example. Yesterday she asked me to get lawnmower out for her because she was doing grass in 30 mins. 25 mins (I was just on my to do it) - she says "Oh I thought you'd have done it by now".

Hmm. Right. OK. You know what I mean? Not the end of the world but a little tiny bit "off". Something where no comment at all was really necessary. She'd asked me to do something in 30 mins, it was being done, no commentary needed.

She gets in loads of trouble at work. She admitted the other day. She said something about "Ok but in my last place they did this". I can imagine shes done the same - made a comment that was probably the same. These are work people not her husband so I can imagine it didn't go down well.

Comments on things when really there is no need at all. Doesn't even seem to see how things land and is oblvious.

Related to this she'll make a comment that is totally badly timed. I was doing DIY the other day (hate DIY and rubbish at it) and was getting well stressed. So she says "It might be done by next summer"...

I just think Jeez read the room here. You might be joking but can't you see at this moment I'm not going to find it funny,

Try to ignore it but any suggestions?+

I try but its hard.....

I think the worse for me is when she comes up with something which, to be quite honest, is borderline insane.

Having a difference of opinion or being in a mood I can ignore but when she starts having a go at me for something just crazy I can't.

Perhaps its me, I think "so why on earth do I have to put with this crazy person here?"

I think I'm luckier than a lot of you on you. Yeh my wife is passive PITA but shes not abusive MOST of the time. Its just that 5% craziness that comes out means we can never disagree about anything.

OK so peri is the bad bit before menopause. Once we're at menopause, improvements possible?

How long are we talking? Any stats on peri start age end age etc....

My Mrs is already 54 and the force is still strong with this one with no signs of slow down....

Never been like this before. She was away the weekend and it was great.

Came back, criticised everything like she normally does. 2 days back now and I find myself stressed again putting up with her, quite frankly, weird behaviour.

I daydream now about having a place of my own with no-one bothering me. Not a good sign is it?

Today I was doing something in the garden that was taking longer than expected. She blurts out tactless comments all the time without thinking - so I get "It'll be winter before you've done that".

All I said was "I'm doing my best here ok". Apparently then I'm being grumpy because it was just a joke.

So later she said something and I replied back sarcastically "well yes of course I've changed my clothes". I get accused of being sarcastic and nasty. I did the "but it was just a joke and now you're being grumpy"

Then it became a case of "See you always have a go at me for what I say but you don't like it when I say anything".

I'm wasting my time arguing aren't I? Shes always going to be right. What she says is a joke, what I say is being nasty.

I honestly, will never in a million years, understand why someone can not even see anyone elses point of view even slightly.

Now I don't knw if this is menopause or her ADHD (prob bit of both).

She was away the weekend and came home and I realized that all she does is criticize EVERYTHING I do. Came home, I'd done DIY over the weekend (didn't ask you to do that), then picks up on little things I HADN'T done.

I've realized shes like Terminator who comes in and scans the room to faults.

It is almost as if she either can't help herself or gets a bit of kick out of critcizing? I suspect the latter. Of course if I mention anything its me picking on her and shes not allowed to say anything.

I honestly, don't think she realizes what she does. I've tried to say (nicely) think before you blurt these things out (its like whatever pops into her head she says) but then thats wrong.

Sometimes I just think - will you just CHILL OUT a bit.

Anyone else?

Never ceases to amaze me how much her mood can swing.... From a relatively normal person to a psycho FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

I do, suspect that, some days, she's happier moaning and being unhappy than anything else. Thats weird.

Oh sometimes I do think "Are you 12 years old or something?" She'll stay up till late, next day can hardly function, REALLY bad mood. Next day all she does is moan about being tired.

Its just SO obvious. GO TO SLEEP EARLIER. I really don't get it.

So she was nagging on about something as usual - I pretty much answered her not shouting not raising my voice but being firm.

Apparently, not its my fault "you've got an answer for everything and start arguments".

I pointed out I am allowed to stick up for myself and have a different opinion to her. Apparently, I'm not.

I did point out that there'd be a word for a man who expected his wife to keep quite and take everything he dishes out. That didn't go well. Its true though...

I just don't get how someone in their right mind (OK shes obviously not) can't see this? Like I said before, sometimes its like talking to someone not quite right in the head.

So, I've found:-

1. Arguing back is pointless - its like trying to talk sense into the cat.

2. Arguing back just leads it to escalating, and she does not care if that happens.

3. No attempt to speak nicely her to resolve things works, see above re: cat

4. Some days every single thing I do will be wrong.

Trouble is I get so annoyed at the way she speaks to me, the stupid crap that she makes an issue of, the way she doesn't even help herself.

I've just got a thing that I've got stand up for myself because she can be a bit of a bully BUT doesn't work.

What are tips? Let it all go over your head? Difficult for me to do that. Perhaps I need to learn how do.

How on earth do some of you guys do it for years on end?

OMG shes turned psycho.

Used to be pretty chill now I'd say its OCD. BUT she doesn't think so - its everyone else. She'll literally come in from work and remember Terminator where he can infrared scan, she literally scans the house looking for something.

We've got a cleaner that she criticises. I say to her "look this cleaner does this as a job but you still find fault, don't you realise that the problem is you". Nope its everyone else.

Some days I make sure the house is spotless - she will find something. Its almost as if she likes to come home from work and blow off some steam having a rant at me?

I'm guessing this is normal?

The other day, I took a phone call about something. So shes off criticising (that she does all the time) about how I should have come and got her, how I should do this, and why I should etc?

I just "woah with the criticising again, you were outside in the garden"

Then I get "see you're criticising me for being in the garden".

No amount of "no its just a statement, you started this". Makes no sense at all to me.

Then I gave up because you'd get more rational behaviour out of the cat.

Jeez what has she turned into?

Irritable and angry beyond belief. Has argued with friends/family etc.

Obsessive with things. If something has to be tidied its got to be NOW!

Never EVER wrong about ANYTHING EVER EVER EVER.

Some of the crap that she comes up with I honestly think - are you having mental issues? Really....

Of course, everything is my fault. I bring it up and its my fault picking on her. She NEVER sees what she does.

and they've sent me a letter saying I was "disrespectful" to them!!!

Been completely useless with daughter.....

She forgets things and gets a negative mark. Tried to explain at parents evening that this doesn't work for ADHD kids and they're answer "well in the real world they have to cope".

Then it seems my "tone" was bad and a few teachers have got the headmaster to write a letter to me. (Even though one teacher I disagreed with we've managed to come to a solution!)

Absolutely livid - its like being in school myself. Am I not allowed to disagree with them?