Almost Two Months out since Break up
It’s going onto two months next month since my ex broke up with me. Some context she’s 9 years older than me and has a son she had been single for 6 years and had lost a lot of weight when we started talking and then dating. We started dating last November and we had almost six months of happy moments and loving but she had some issues. She always thought that I could maybe leave her for somebody younger since she never felt enough for me even when I would tell her the opposite. I would always tell her how beautiful and loving she is. We had very few arguments about anything just minor discussions. Only time we ever had a serious discussion was when she thought I was ogling another woman at a party but apart from that we were happy together I showed her love she hadn’t received before she would tell me and I’d tell her I felt appreciated with her. So Mother’s Day weekend I had gotten us tickets to a comedy show and we had gone and enjoyed it and the next day we spent the whole day together but I couldn’t be with her on Mother’s Day due to untimely dinner reservations and other family obligations. That Monday tho I had gotten notice that the gift I had gotten her had just come in and I called her to tell her to that I wanted to see her to give it to her it was a engraved bracelet with her and my name and both our birthstones it wasn’t much but it was a gift from my heart and something she hadn’t received before hinted about wanting something she could wear all the time that had meaning. Through out the day we texted but she was being rather cold like she had never been as if we were friends I’d tell her I loved her and couldn’t wait to see her and she’d reply how sweet of you and other things along those lines. So it comes time to see each other and as soon as I see her I notice something off with her and I was right because as soon as she sees the gift she breaks down and tells me we need to talk. She tells me she went to the doctor and they told her she had some woman issues that I won’t go into detail but that it could present issues for her if we wanted to have children together. I told her that I understood all that and that I was there for her but she went on to tell me that she thought that logically we should break up because if our age difference and she didn’t want to take the opportunity away from me if I wanted to have kids later on and that she still loved me but it was better for me if we broke up. At the time I didn’t interject and maybe I should’ve but I didn’t know what to say then. Later on that week I found out she was clinically diagnosed with depression and I called her that weekend to see how she was doing and she told me she missed me and how she didn’t expect that I would easily give in to the break up so I told her that I didn’t want to break up and that I wanted to see if we could talk things out to get back together and she seemed willing todo that but as time went on she gave me mixed signals and told me she want mentally in a space for a relationship and she needed time so two weeks go by and we talking and we see each other and when we see each other it’s as if we hadn’t broken up we kiss and talk and things seem good but that same weekend she takes off on a trip last minute even when she tells she’s doesn’t feel like going out and gives me more mixed signals and late responses to my texts and so I go no contact for a couple days and then I call her. I ask her what we are and what are we going to do further in to this and she says she doesn’t think like being in a relationship for her right now is good but wants to remain friends still. I tells her I can’t because she meant so much to me and that I can’t be friends with her knowing I’ll always want something more with her and she says she understand and we part our ways. Since then it’s been hard getting through the days and I was starting to feel good about myself again but i fell hard again this week when I came across her ig story where she playing sad music with the context of relationships and how it might actually be over and misses us and I find out that she texts my sister and asks her about her relationships and how she wishes that her and I could’ve stayed friends. It’s just so hard to get through this I still lover her but I don’t know what happened really and why she shows me mi ed signals when she tells me different on how she feels about me. I have spoken to her since then it’s been no contact but why does she do these things especially more when she knows that I’ve seen them