u/Ryhan_1234567

TW: Religious Trauma, SA, SH, Violence. I am F16.

When I was 5, I was diagnosed with autism/ADHD, right smack in the middle of the spectrum. I hyperfixated and daydreamed constantly, mixing up reality and fiction. As any kid would.

When I was six, I was SA'd by an 11-12 yr old boy. i've always had a really complicated relationship with that as I don't believe he was old enough at the time to be called a rapist. I constantly feel guilt and have blamed myself before, saying I ruined his life by telling people. This is something I'm still working on.

Trauma, and my habit of hyperfixation, I came across creepypastas at around the age of eight. if you were on the Internet between 2010 to 2020 you definitely know what creepypastas are. And if you don't, genuinely log off the internet. I got into that and My Little Pony horror when I accidentally came across that one video of Pinkie Pie torturing Rainbow Dash to death.

Being your average difficult kid, I would argue with my parents all the time over literally nothing. I ended up drawing violence towards them. This is something n that to this day I feel extreme guilt about and have brought it up to my mom multiple times, but she never comforted me and always dodged my questions when I asked her if she thought I'd ever hurt her.

At 11 I was caught with SH scars. My dad told me he was taking me to a psych ward but instead screamed at me in the car demanding "what's so bad about my life" and an explanation on why I wanted to kill them at 8 years old. Depression is hereditary in my family. They won't give strong antidepressants to somebody so young unless it's life or death, and I genuinely believe I didn't need drugs at the time.

let's skip to when I was 16 which is right now and I decided to convert from Mormonism to Hellenic Polytheism. I had the worst breakdown in my life because of Deuteronomy 23:2. Ever heard of a midlife crisis? I had one of those at 16.

I genuinely believe my mom would be fine with it because respecting your kids religion is kind of the bare minimum also when I first gotten into spiritual/witchy stuff my mom bought me a lot of the materials that I use. She found the altar while I was as work and stole a lot of stuff from me, tearing down the altar, taking money, taking books, etc.

I relapsed harder than ever that night, my mom found the scars the next day and simply said "Come on, (name), you're better than that."

My mom also told me at one point that my sister is afraid of me, still hasn't taken that back. Said sister is homophobic and hates that I'm a lesbian, so screw her I guess? Fear sucks.

Anyways, you didn't read the title for no reason. Maybe around a month and a half ago me and my friend were caught shoplifting. I know I know. Don't lecture me. I get it. Stealing bad >:(

They were MAGA stores I don't give a fuck.

Instead of having a normal reaction, they told my best friend that I wanted to kill my because of what happened when I was 8 years old. NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED I JUST DREW VIOLENCE.

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