u/Sad-Divide1896

I recently had a breakthrough where I fully believe I am a covert narcissist with comorbid BPD.

After a family disagreement my mother’s friend reemed my ass because she told me “You were abused your whole life by your grandiose narcissist father only to become to a huge piece of shit like him. You deserve every bad thing that ever happens to you.”

And, she’s not wrong? Every situation I have ever been in I have somehow been the victim and I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem? I literally just had an MA just because I was afraid to die in childbirth again, and when my son was born I really didn’t have much to do with him for the first two months of his life I resented and blamed him for what happened to me. I don’t think I do anymore but my behavior from then greatly disturbs me.

When anyone yells at me or punishes me for a mistake, I tend to self punish and internalize a lot of self hatred. Recently I was told both by my and my husband’s family that this is self pity, and that I do this to be manipulative, attention seeking, and to cause drama. I had a medical emergency a week ago that my MIL almost didn’t allow me to get assistance for because she fully believed I walked around without pants on and free bled to make a fake emergency and get back at her. I actually didn’t want to go because since making this discovery I have denied myself basic care, and comforts because I truly do not believe I deserve them.

I used to try to approach things with kindness and a sense of justice and I no longer even know if I was ever kind? I can be very aggressive at times so maybe I’m really just a bully who thought she was right? Which leads me to believe I deserved my father’s abuse, the domestic violence I experienced as a teen, my COCSA experiences, and the bullying I went through grades K-12. I can even almost justify it! I think these people had the intuitive thought on the type of person I’d become and knew ahead of time I deserved everything that happened.

Right now I’m on the completely wrong med, I’m on Zoloft, but I want to quit meds altogether because I don’t think I should allow myself to get better. I’ve had thoughts of abandoning my family, mostly because I believe it’d be better if I wasn’t in my family’s life anymore. I do not even express feelings because as I said, I realize I am very manipulative and I keep my feelings to myself to avoid attention seeking and making dramas.

I no longer know what the purpose of this post is I’m just afraid I have both and I’m very scared of being a bad person and of abusing my son. I think my father was different, he was a malignant with a grandiose point of view, but nonetheless I’m still afraid of abusing my son.

It should be mentioned I do have manic periods, some are really bad and some are not as bad but the common theme is thinking myself better than everyone. I’m just scared of diagnosis because then I’d be forced to confront the fact that I’m probably not a good person.

My husband (m24) is leaving me behind (f24) with our infant (9 month old m) to go to trucking school.

I am very scared. I will essentially spend the next 10 months solo parenting. I will have my in-laws, but my bio family and childhood friends live across the country.

I need to completely catch up on cleaning my part of the in-laws house, move and throw out some furniture, begin to get my permit and license (which is something I’ve known I need it’s just higher stakes since I’ll be completely alone), and rejoin work. But I’m so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start. There’s also doctors appointments I need to make happen.

On one hand it’s exciting because it forces me to gain independence, something I haven’t experienced yet. But it’s SO high stakes to me because I will be completely in charge of my son’s care. There will be no breaks except for the sporadic days off he has. There will be no one beside me at night. He’s going to miss our wedding anniversary in September, my birthday and our son’s first birthday in November, and lots of holidays.
The good news is, our account is joint, so I don’t have to worry too much about finances.

I guess I just wanted advice, solidarity, someone to tell me I will survive this emotionally and physically until it’s over? That is the good thing, as soon as he’s able he wants to switch to local trucking, but he does have to spend time doing cross country, hence why I will be alone.

I’ve never been alone nor solo parented before. I am sad and scared, and excited for our future.

Hi! I have an 8 month old who I’m training to fall asleep on his own in the crib. I need him to learn how to fall asleep by himself as we’re moving him into his own room around his first birthday.

His designated wake time was 8:30 but he got used to 7 am wakes so I shifted his day accordingly. His schedule is 3/3/3.5 and bedtime is about 8:30. I try to aim for naps an hour and a half in length as his sleep needs are high and he gets crabby if he’s even slightly off.

My question is, how long did it take you to train? I’m using pick up/put down. I let him fuss or play but if he becomes truly upset I hold him until he’s calm and put him back down.

Any help would be appreciated. He does sleep through the night normally so I need to know if I need to move bedtime back. He usually gets lotion, pjs, and bottle. I bathe him every other night.

So I am one and done. Even if my husband is not.

So, I’m going to seek a bisalp. I really would rather a full hysterectomy, but I don’t think they’ll let me since nothings wrong with my uterus. What’s wrong to me is that is a FULLY functioning uterus.

I had a nightmare of a pregnancy symptoms and complications wise, and had a traumatic birth and early postpartum period where my son was a fussy baby and rarely slept until he was 2 months old. These are the primary reasons I’d rather not be pregnant ever again and the fear of pregnancy each month is terrorizing me.

My husband is an optimist and wants another. But I don’t want to risk it. A baby that never sleeps, is colicky, the risk of never seeing my son again? Yeah, it’s a no for me dawg.

I’m 24, I live in Tennessee. My husband is also 24. We’re on Medicaid and my son is 7 months old.

How do I fight like hell to be sterilized? I do not give two shits about my husband’s feelings, only because I nearly died. I do not care that I’m young. I’m damn sure I’ll never change my mind, and I don’t care if my son wants siblings someday; that’s normal, I did, I’m still the only bio child of my mother. This sounds mean, but really, I’m of sound mind and I really don’t want to risk my life again. Any tips on how to have a clear conversation about this with my husband and his family would be really appreciated. I already texted him but I’m probably going to have a real, heart to heart with him in person too. I know he’ll be sad about not having a daughter, and I get it; I was hoping I was pregnant with a girl initially. But this is my life that gets gambled in pregnancy, and I know the chances of hemorrhage are high when you experience it with your first labor. Plus, vainly, my body is unrecognizable and I don’t want to make it worse.

Sorry for the ramble. Resources and tips are appreciated. (Also, I’m not divorcing my husband just because he wants another one, just need him to respect my decision)