u/SailSilver3070

Im gonna start by saying im male, 18, and i have no experience in dating or sexual activities, i haven't even kissed before, im a total virgin. i share a room with my brother (18), and have a sister (14) and both my mom/dad are supportive, but im still closeted

I first started liking guys when I came across a femboy/ trans people online at 13, then i realised i wasnt really attracted to girls, and was somewhat jealous or interested in them. Ive always spent my earlier life around girls though.

at 15 i spent more time looking into femboys, exploring cute guys, not sexually but like how they look. Ive only recently at the start of this year bought my own clothes and dressed up as a girl for the 1st time.

when i dressed up for the first time i cried, i was still hairy, only wore a skirt and thigh highs, but i was happy. i could only be dressed up for like 20 mins but it was perfect, i think.

i dont get much time to explore dressing up, and i hide my clothes behind bags.

over time i baught another skirt, more thigh highs, skirts, arm warmers and a cute cat crop top. I started shaving weekly to and love the feeling .i like looking at the pics i take of me when im dressed up, and eventually i came out to my younger sister (14) over text, i told her i was gay and maybe trans, she kinda fixated on the gay part and i think she forgot the trans part and i cant bring myself to remind her yet, shes supportive tho.

recently ive just been thinking about myself, i know i dont like women sexually but i think i could love women in a relationship, but ik i could both love and sexually connect with guys, so idk if im gay lol.

I havent had much time to dress up and probably have only like 2 times in the past 3 months, idk if i want to be a girl or like the idea of being one.

I also feel constantly sad that not only do i have it easier than trans people cause of my supportive family, but im not able to come out cause of myself stopping me. but even if I came out idk what id come out as.

i keep saying to myself that my situation is safe and perfect, while others dont get that.

more recently ive given up on trying to feel girly, i havent shaved as often and given up on trying to find time to dress up, i want to figure out where i stand on my gender.

If you read this thx, idk what steps im going to take next but im sure ill figure it out.

Im gonna start by saying im male, 18, and i have no experience in dating or sexual activities, i haven't even kissed before, im a total virgin. i share a room with my brother (18), and have a sister (14) and both my mom/dad are supportive, but im still closeted

I first started liking guys when I came across a femboy/ trans people online at 13, then i realised i wasnt really attracted to girls, and was somewhat jealous or interested in them. Ive always spent my earlier life around girls though.

at 15 i spent more time looking into femboys, exploring cute guys, not sexually but like how they look. Ive only recently at the start of this year bought my own clothes and dressed up as a girl for the 1st time.

when i dressed up for the first time i cried, i was still hairy, only wore a skirt and thigh highs, but i was happy. i could only be dressed up for like 20 mins but it was perfect, i think.

i dont get much time to explore dressing up, and i hide my clothes behind bags.

over time i baught another skirt, more thigh highs, skirts, arm warmers and a cute cat crop top. I started shaving weekly to and love the feeling .i like looking at the pics i take of me when im dressed up, and eventually i came out to my younger sister (14) over text, i told her i was gay and maybe trans, she kinda fixated on the gay part and i think she forgot the trans part and i cant bring myself to remind her yet, shes supportive tho.

recently ive just been thinking about myself, i know i dont like women sexually but i think i could love women in a relationship, but ik i could both love and sexually connect with guys, so idk if im gay lol.

I havent had much time to dress up and probably have only like 2 times in the past 3 months, idk if i want to be a girl or like the idea of being one.

I also feel constantly sad that not only do i have it easier than trans people cause of my supportive family, but im not able to come out cause of myself stopping me. but even if I came out idk what id come out as.

i keep saying to myself that my situation is safe and perfect, while others dont get that.

more recently ive given up on trying to feel girly, i havent shaved as often and given up on trying to find time to dress up, i want to figure out where i stand on my gender.

If you read this thx, idk what steps im going to take next but im sure ill figure it out.

I know it sounds silly, but I just dont ever feel like im in reality, wich is so weird, i constantly feel like my life isnt real and the closest i personally feel real is when im alone with my depressing thoughts, of hating myself, wanting to be someone im not, and all that.

Idk if this is normal, but im pretty sure it isnt.

my average day off in life is sleeping it, playing video games, then eating and sleeping.

when i have plans with friends i think about them actually wanting me there, like i try be kind and have fun with them but i feel like im not supposed to be there sometimes.

when im at collage i dont rlly talk unless someone talks to me, i think i have anxiety but idk

im kinda alone and always feel like other people last choice, or just someone they can be around if they dont have anything else to do.

i have problems talking to people im not close with and i act like im fine, but i think im not.

my main point is for as long as i can remember ive never felt real, like nothing i do matters, like ik i have consequences, but idk. i dont really belive in unconditional love, family loves you on the condition their your family, frinds love you as long as your kind to. ive never experiences unconditional love, i want to but idk if thats because i want to try be more connected and feel well wanted

idk if writing this has helped me but im just gonna hit post and see what happens

my birth name is 'ethan' and i cant think of like a girlified or feminized version :3

i kinda dont want a completely different name but i want a girly name that would let me feel like im well a girl lol

I just want it to be similar basically but cant think of any, why did my parents choose such a gender exclusive name >:3

kinda a vent

ok so im closeted trans (still figuring out if im trans tho lol) and a few days ago my mom was saying to my younger sister about having a girls day out, i jokingly said "oh so i cant go" and my mom just turned around and said, "im sure your sister doesn't care, and you could be a girl for the day"

like ik she was joking, and i did end up not going, but thought that was pretty cool lol :3

Lately I've been overthinking everything, my life's got lots of stuff happening, like collage soon over, i need a job, and life just becoming more stressed.

other than stuff that's important, I've constantly been thinking about my gender identity, i used to think i was just a guy that occasionally wore girl clothes, like a femboy, but I've been stuck thinking what if I'm trans, id like to be, but idk if its a phase or I'm faking it.

when i think about how i cant express myself the way i want-

(for context my environment is supportive but i cant bring myself to come out at all)

- when I'm stuck with my thoughts my breathing gets heavier, my chest gets tighter, my heart feels like its aching and my stomach tightens, i often don't eat until I'm calmer, idk if I'm over stressed of if I'm experiencing like dysphoria for not feeling cute or girly, because i mostly feel this when i think of myself as unable to become a girl

like I've mentioned, idk if its a phase but i cant bring myself to express my emotions to family, and the few friends I've told aren't exactly sociable so i don't want to burden them lol

So far only my sister (younger) and female friends know I'm gay and potentially trans (still figuring that out lol) I'm 18 and like feeling cute like a girl.

My parents are a bit odd, my mum cant really keep secrets and while supportive she isn't really great to tell something i want to take steps in sharing.

Here's the main problem, my dad is difficult, he's the type that's always 'right' and doesn't really listen to others. while he's said he'd support if i was gay or anything, I'm not really up to tell him first about me being maybe trans, mostly cause i think hell say something about how its a phase or I'm trying to get attention like always, which really bothers me.

I have a brother who i share a room with, he doesn't know, i hide my stuff well :3

i first dressed up like a girl in this years January, i didn't wear makeup or anything special, just a skirt and thigh highs, i cried happy, like i felt right, like i didn't need to hide myself. I've been closeted gay for years and always liked cute stuff :3

Basically I want to tell my family, but slowly. my mom would tell my dad, and my dad is annoying and just not like great at talking to, and my brothers a prick. my sister (that knows) is chill and hasn't told ppl, she mainly hasn't treated me differently and is the same if not closer.