u/SaltIncident4932

This is about their new album that just dropped today, Sin Bliss. First of all I’m posting here cause TikTok is scary idk but um I like genuinely love all the songs way more than I did on the last album that was the last OT7, Sin Vanish, and I feel bad for saying that?

Idk this era is like fun, I guess.

And I guess I also feel bad because I was expecting myself to be very sad and be missing Heeseung’s voice but like they balanced the shit so well I kid you not guys I genuinely stopped expecting to hear Heeseung at any moment

And I feel like a traitor for saying that because I swear Heeseung was my bias but like I mean I listened to it and for me Jake and Jay shine so much in this album for me personally, especially Jake, I feel like they will be my biases now, Jake being the ult.

Don’t get me wrong I know for a fact Heeseung would have ate this album up if he was still there but does it make sense when I felt like there wasn’t any like glaring hole vocally? I don’t mean that in a mean way I swear.

I don’t know why I feel so guilty like I committed a crime, guys.

This is gonna sound really stupid but um while I held a knife to my skin tonight I didn’t break the barrier I kinda just sawed it a little against my skin and then stuck on a couple bandages around my fingers, um as a way to fight the urge of wanting to draw my blood through self harm?

I don’t know I like picked up the knife in a split and then um once the tears dried I almost felt too tired to actually break my skin barrier so I’m sticking a random bandage on my fingers instead

Update: it didn’t completely work. I still gave into the urge and made a small cut on my pinky finger. But I guess it didn’t turn into 2? Idk.

I’m 21, still on the fence of being a mother in the future. I have a couple reasons but one reason I am on the fence, and as I said in the title idk how common of a reason this is, but I am afraid of my hypothetical kid growing up to be a criminal.

And I used to be like “oh I wanna be a girl mom I don’t want a son” but after the Mackenzie Shrilla case I now realize that the gender doesn’t matter, I could do everything right and my son or daughter could end up murdering people before they even turn 18.

And again I do have diagnosed general anxiety so maybe this is just my mind running, but I don’t know how to cope with this reason specifically

Any advice is welcome. Please be respectful though I am tired of some people on this app jumping to insults.

I’m not saying I don’t believe in remission for this disorder but I am also kind of tired of people who previously met bpd standards or are currently in therapy whatever acting a little superior and talking down on other people with bpd. I also mainly see this on TikTok.

And when I say talking down they just love to throw around the phrase “your mental health isn’t your fault but it’s your responsibility”-and btw I do believe it is true. However the specific thing that irks me about it is when certain people use the phrase is they act like it’s sooo easy for everybody to heal quickly. It’s not.

Being emotionally abused growing up leaves me in a fight or flight to this day. I have depression and anxiety alongside of it for a reason. I don’t think I have to further explain what bpd is to people in a bpd subreddit you know but like sorry there are some things I will probably never get over even when I manage to get back into therapy again once I can afford it again. I don’t understand why some people are villainized for that.

And I’m genuinely happy for the people that reach remission but it is not a 100% guarantee because like I said not everyone heals in a way or not everyone heals quick enough to reach it. I see some people being like “there’s a 33% rate for remission you just aren’t trying hard enough”-I’m sorry I’m just trying to keep it in control individually at least? Does that count? I actually feel very fatigued trying to control my bpd by myself without professional help.

And also, imo 33% is still a low rate. It’s not like it’s 80% or higher so I also don’t understand why some people act like it’s so easy to achieve it?

Idk i think the purpose of my vent was to just get some stuff off my chest. Any advice (in a respectful manner) is welcomed

Am I going insane? Why am I literally getting a chat error trying to start a chat with a new bot I haven’t talked to before.

Literally sending my very first message to whatever the starter is and I get a chat error

I’m just gonna say it, I am fucking tired of carrying this pain others have inflicted on me and continue to inflict on me daily.

I am tired of it being my responsibility, I just wish my family would get punished for what they did. Every day I strive to be a good person I am not saying I am one of those people that use it as an excuse, but I am fucking tired of it being my responsibility because I know myself and I know it’s gonna take like a fucking decade MINIMUM, not even a guarantee could easily take more than 10 years to even be 1 percent better, with my three diagnosed disorders

There’s no point in my opinion okay there I said it I said what I feel. Depression doesn’t comfort me the pain is so strong life is just heavy. I am fucking pissed that my depression, anxiety and bpd are gonna control my entire adulthood

I can easily be good to people and above all my severe issues down that’s no problem. But I’m always gonna be a damn burden that is my story.

I didn’t feel like getting flamed on TikTok so I’m posting here, but I am so tired of some people who have bpd constantly talking about having accountability but like in a mean way, like they are literally bullying other people who have bpd

And then their comment sections validate them being like “your the problem for lacking emotional regulation skills”-I’m sorry not everyone can automatically follow dbt?

Ive tried before it didn’t do shit so I now silently suffer with my inner quiet bpd.

I am always holding myself accountable it’s why I have quiet BPD I shove it all down like what do you want from me

I guess my point here is that it’s bad enough when people who don’t have bpd judge us…but now people who have bpd and may be further in their recovery or whatever suddenly turn around and insult us too? Like you used to be one of us?

The second you may be in remission, Why are you suddenly adding to the stigma by judging the people that used to be your peers? Like do you think your’e better than us because you are one of the occasional people that survived this disorder? Why can’t you be nice about it?

I made the flair looking for advice cause I wouldn’t mind replies and thoughts about this

I’m a failure. I tried so hard to distract myself from the urge for weeks, and I gave in tonight. I didn’t do it deeply; i actually just went over faded marks I had before. I didn’t wanna do it to fresh skin, trying to keep my old faded marks from scabbed over cuts contained, I guess.

I know for a fact I didn’t go in deep because it was just a small smudge of blood, it was just enough to break skin to get the burning feeling you would get. And I had a crying fit earlier and the burn actually felt calming.

I tried so hard guys. But there’s certain anxieties and situations in my life right now and I just couldn’t do it.

I was clean for months actually, last time I did it was like 3 months ago. Which makes me feel like even a bigger failure.

I guess I’ll just have darker faded marks again since I literally didn’t over the exact same spots from before.

I’m still considered overweight after loosing 40 pounds, and the facial hair problem with pcos and also being Indian American I feel like the ugliest woman alive.

I swear I fit the stereotype that Indians are ugly. Meanwhile any brown girl I see on TikTok or Twitter is so so beautiful,

And the occasional times I do wear makeup it’s just like putting lipstick on a pig.

I don’t think I deserve love because of my pcos issues and in general being so naturally ugly.

I’m so tired guys I fucking can’t do this right now I slathered mehindi onto my hands, taking the time to draw as much design as I could to distract myself from the urge to self harm

And it keeps creeping back up every fucking night

Last time I self harmed on either my arm or the sides of my upper thigh was a few months ago the scars are very faded now you can’t really see them

And I just keep thinking about the slight burn of doing it and I just wanna cry and god I feel pathetic

My brain feels heavy

So again this is more ateez related but if you stan anyone really feel free to comment

Um…idk if it’s just cause by the age of 21 im just not as engaged with kpop twt as I used to be…but sometimes the fandom raises hell for…things I find stupid. In my opinion.

Like yeosang getting mistreated is a valid issue…but currently some fans are calling it a “valid concern” because you just don’t see him in the thumbnail of their Japanese mv for the Japanese version of their recent song Bad, because the formation and like the camera angle together made it so that San’s head is blocking his

Here’s the thing…other members have been hidden in the back before. In thumbnails or performances whatever.

I agree that yeosang should be getting more lines I do not like KQ for mistreating him that way, like I’m not a company stan but I’m really sorry guys I don’t see it as a big deal because also during the mv, the members get screen time. Like all eight of them.

Like do we not have better things to do, no offense? What do you mean your heart hurts because your bias isn’t in the thumbnail…but again he actually got more screen time in this mv than the original one, when you compare.

Again I really only stan Ateez right now so this was about Ateez but I also actually noticed this in other groups too like sometimes it’s not that big of a deal. So again feel free to chip in

And I’m also saying this here because in my experience so far ya’ll are more levelheaded and yk act like actual adults rather than kpop twt. I would get ripped to shreds if I tweeted this.

So yea if you wanna offer any nuance discussion please do. But I would like to wake up and uh idk not be severely hated on for this take.

Okay gn

So I made a post before about being anxious over any future relationship with a man because I have anxieties of him being a potential weirdo and him hiding it from me

And the more I thought about it the more I realized my anxiety boiled down to one thing: I’m fucking terrified of being married to a potential Chris Watts in the future.

And if you haven’t heard about the case, what I’m including here is a very simplified version, I advise you look it up. But basically he had a mistress who he lied to about being divorced when in fact he was still married to his pregnant wife and already had two little girls. He strangled his wife and then murdered his daughters and then shoved said daughters into oil drums and buried the wife in some shallow grave nearby, discarding all of them like they were less than trash. Because he wanted to start over…but for some reason just didn’t choose the divorce route.

And I have diagnosed anxiety I will admit my brain runs over really really bad situations, but I am genuinely terrified of the mere idea I am happily married to a man who I think loves me and maybe I have his kid and then without me knowing he could decide my life isn’t worth anything and take me off this earth. I’m a very depressed individual but I would like to not be murdered realistically speaking of course.

And um is there anyway to control this anxiety of mine as a woman? Whether you are a single woman, a woman with a boyfriend, a married woman with a husband or honestly really anyone not just women like I will appreciate any kind of advice because I finally figured out the root of this specific anxiety was because of this one specific case.

Btw I am professionally diagnosed with borderline and I made the tag looking for advice because I wouldn’t mind replies to this. Anyways here it is:

I’ve decided I will never forgive my entire family for them ruining me so much mentally that I developed this disorder. It actually pains me that bpd is technically an illness that you can’t inherit, that it’s something you can develop based on your environment.

Parents will talk down to you, make it so that you are not sure what their reaction will be whether it’s good or bad, make you feel stupid, ruin your self esteem all your life (literally even to this day I get comments where I am basically called disgusting for my weight) and then once you hit your twenties act shocked and cry when you don’t call often and you send a not really that subtle of a message at least imo through low contact that you can’t stand to be around them for too long. It actually baffles me how a lot of parents have no self awareness of the damage they do to their kids. Like are you sure you have a brain in there? 

And yes I’m also talking about my parents specifically, to this day my parents think I just choose not to tell them anything out of malice because they think they are my safe space. So they think I am just “damaging” myself by keeping it in. Mind you I don’t wanna deal with idiotic verbal drama and verbal abuse so I stay silent. I am not a violent person truly but I sometimes want to get in their face and scream at them “how the hell can you be so fucking stupid” and shake them. I also clarify I am not a violent person because I have had urges to slap my dad across the face before just like envisioning it in my head.

But my friends have not even touched the triggers my family does. I can actually be myself with them. Even if that version is the severely mentally ill.

The emotional neglect has impacted me so much I’ve had “Hopecore”’ daydreams of feeling a sense of relief when my mother and father die. Day dreams of when I can finally stop talking to my brother.

Actually, my brother is similar to them. He’s only like 30, and for some reason has such low emotional awareness he truly cannot fathom why I hate our parents. I’m the villain in his eyes. He just doesn’t care, he thinks I’m some stubborn child that can’t change when I tried to express any issues I’ve had about them with him in the past before. Having a problem with him has turned into hate because I am absolutely disgusted by him as well at this point (I’m 21 for time reference) but I haven’t said the word hate out loud to his face yet.

It’s actually really annoying, that my entire family had not been getting the active hint.

I have always envisioned my family environment as a live minefield, emotionally being tortured with metamorphical ropes around my throat. And yet my parents, even my brother still think I would wanna be around them for “as long as possible” until I have a job. Or even after I have a job they think for some reason I would happily visit them once a year routinely. When I plan on avoiding visits as long as I can every year.

Btw I am professionally diagnosed with borderline and I made the tag discussion because I wouldn’t mind replies to this. Anyways here it is:

Parents will talk down to you, make you feel stupid, ruin your self esteem all your life (literally even to this day I get comments) and then once you hit your twenties act shocked and hurt and cry when you don’t call often and you send a message through low contact that you can’t stand to be around them. It actually baffles me how a lot of parents have no self awareness of the damage they do to their kids. Like are you sure you have a brain in there? 

And yes I’m also talking about my parents specifically, to this day my parents think I just choose not to tell them anything out of malice because they think they are my safe space. I am not a violent person truly but I sometimes want to get in their face and scream at them “how the hell have you lived this long with no emotional awareness?”. I also clarify I am not a violent person because I have had urges to slap my dad across the face before. Just envisioning it in my head. I have bpd for a reason. But my friends have not even touched the triggers my family does.

The emotional neglect has impacted me so much I’ve had “Hopecore”’ daydreams of feeling a sense of relief when my mother and father die. When I can finally stop talking to my brother.

Actually, my brother is similar to them. He’s only like 30, and for some reason has such low emotional awareness he truly cannot fathom why I hate our parents. I’m the villain in his eyes. He just doesn’t care, he thinks I’m some stubborn child that can’t change when I tried to express any issues with him in the past before. Having a problem with him has turned into hate because I am absolutely disgusted by him as well at this point (I’m 21 for time reference) but I haven’t said the word hate out loud to his face yet.

It’s actually really annoying. My entire family not getting the active hint.

I have always envisioned the family environment as a live minefield, emotionally being tortured with metamorphical ropes around my throat. And yet my parents, even my brother still think I would wanna be around them for “as long as possible” until I have a job.

I sat down and thoroughly combed my hair tonight instead of just half ass finger brushing leaving 90 percent of tangles in my hair is anyone proud

I feel like I’m not allowed to feel happy because this doesn’t happen often. But I tried for now cause I also have curvy wavy hair and it tangles easily and I usually leave it in a bun…

Im gonna be really honest with you guys im so mentally overwhelmed by everything that is happening politically that im just reading headlines and moving on with my day. So I don’t mentally loose it.

I wanna have a discussion, so if you feel like insulting me instead, keep it to yourself.

As someone who is about 200 pounds and I actually lost like 35 pounds the past few months…I struggle to take skinny shaming seriously. Not only has my family ruined my self esteem since childhood because I was that fat kid growing up…even now even though my weight loss is slow, it’s still not enough and I am still talked down to as less of a human and devalued. And not to mention setting my family aside how fat phobic society is.

Now, I can empathize with some commentary I have seen skinny people receive both on social media and in real life. I am certain that being called a skeleton does not probably feel good. I don’t think I would feel good about that either if my weight issues were I struggle to gain instead of to loose.

However, while I am not trying to minimize ya’lls pain, when I say I can’t take it that seriously, to me as a woman who’s still considered overweight until I loose a bit more weight, I still feel like ya’ll are still accepted by society. Ya’ll aren’t automatically deemed lazy because you are in a smaller body than a bigger one. You aren’t judged constantly by strangers who assume your weight problems is because you only over eat trash. When in reality most of us bigger people are eating relatively healthy, we just have other health issues. Like I have pcos and thyroid issues, it’s actually kinda hard to loose weight and keep it off but I’ve been trying. I still emotionally eat a little but I’m not over eating trash yk

Now I’m also not saying I wanna strive to be accepted by society, but I just feel like until I “am presentable” with my weight, I will still be judged way more and judged first before a skinny person.

I just needed to get this off somewhere.

You wanna know what annoys me about trying to listen to enhypen after March 10th, I did not realize how many songs Heeseung started! Or how many lines he had most of the song if not even the adlibs!

And as someone who biased heeseung and Jake together…it fucking hurts. I jumped back into Ateez immediately because I literally was tearing up at songs like brought the heat back when Heeseung’s voice comes. I couldn’t do it I’ve been taking a break since then.

Call me a fake engene for this but it’s just my truth.

I’m Indian American specifically. And I have grown up in America since I was one. The only reason why I was born in India is because they briefly moved to America, traveled the world because my dad had a job at the time that required international travel when my brother was a kid, 8 years after my brother they briefly moved back to India when my mom was pregnant with me, and then decided again to move back to America when I was one for better opportunities. So I have been an American citizen for all my life.

And you would think they would understand that I would be different, right? Nope. Even to this day when my dad like refers to us as a family he says “we are indians”-my mom and my dad always found me strange and weird if I said I didn’t like a part of Indian culture or if I said something that was too “American”- WE LIVE IN AMERICA? What does “thinking too westernly” even mean!!!

How can two people, who by the way are educated they do not fit the stereotype where a lot of people assume every older immigrant is like poor and uneducated, so I can’t comprehend how educated people can also be so fucking dumb emotionally? Or socially I don’t know what the right term would be.

Like how the hell do you expect me, even now at 21, where I am about four years away from my frontal lobe developing permanently, to still act like an Indian woman who grew up in India? Why the fuck did you move back to America if since childhood you wanted me to act like we still lived in fucking Hyderabad?

And yk, I am glad they did move because I do not like India as a country. I am glad to be American. But I am so tired of them acting like I can adapt and switch identities like I will never permanently live in India. It will only be occasional visits. They don’t expect me to move to India but they expect me to “think” like someone who lives there? How does that make any sense!

So, even though I have decided to make this a workaround and act like a mini wedding planner for my brothers wedding. This still happened, if actually happened 2 days ago and originally I wasn’t gonna post because I didn’t think anyone cared, but I’m still reeling. Anyways:

My Indian parents just brought me to tears over video call after saying many times I’m still too fat for my brothers wedding. And as I’ve said before, my older brother never supports me and always takes their side. They said so many things to me on call disguised as “advice and concern” that I really shouldn’t be surprised.

I tell myself as I age I won’t cry or feel defeated. But I do. I know they won’t change, but I also don’t know why it hurts me very badly whenever they make these kinds of remarks as I age. It hurt badly as a child and it still hurts as badly if not worse now at 21. Mind you I was feeling very happy lately because I managed to keep my weight loss down, because I have pcos. In case you don’t have pcos, not only is it hard to loose weight it also an extra hard step to make sure the weight stays off. I lost around 35 pounds or so. And they made me feel so hideous. Am I still considered overweight? Sure. I’m not saying I’m super skinny after weight loss. But this is the first time in my life I’m truly keeping the weight off with very minor fluctuations (like your usual 2-3 pound fluctuations depending on the days), and my family ruined whatever pride I felt for myself.

I think my brain already mentally blocked out some of it; but going off of what I remember. Basically my dad saying shit like “you current weight isn’t enough, if you lost more your’e capable of looking like a princess”, and the one line that hurt the most, “why can’t you look better? You see all these celebrities all the time, why can’t you use them as motivation and just look good?”. Mind you, the way he spoke about it it’s like they all expected me to drop another 40 pounds in 2 months until the wedding. And my goddamn mother was the one to start the topic so I sarcastically snapped back “right I’m disgusting, that’s what you wanna hear right?”-and in the same breathe, they all were like “no that’s not the point”

Apparently it’s a bad impression for looking the way I look. My dad basically said I would make the family look bad, and that even if I lost weight later around the year I wanna get married, I’m gonna be the odd one out in my brothers wedding videos. And the culture in India from what they told me is that anyone whether I know them or not in my older relatives would walk up to me and ask me why I’m fat to my face. I got mad and said I would just tell them to fuck off, and guess what my brother said? Apparently me defending myself would ruin the wedding and the culture around the wedding. So I’m still the villain, apparently. And also, when I said that in America they at least have manners to not say it during the damn wedding, all three of them, my older brother said that the social culture in India is actually better because at least these older relatives are “helping me” by saying it to my face.

I have borderline. To simplify what bpd is, I have a lot of inner rage. And they are gonna be very lucky if I don’t deck someone in the face or verbally yell back.

I’m so fucking tired. And they wonder why I don’t call often. I don’t know how someone could be so capable of ruining their child mentally, and then also ask me why I’m so depressed and quiet all the time.

And I can’t opt out of the wedding because I am unemployed and currently live with said brother. Ticket is already booked for when I have to leave a week before the engagement in September.

I don’t know why I still feel so affected by the emotional neglect. I am the happiest when I keep low contact, and after the wedding season is over with my brothers wedding and I have a job, I plan on keeping lots of physical distance and low contact still.

I just will never understand how my parents who studied masters btw, and I mention that because there seems to be a stereotype that most immigrant parents come from struggling backgrounds like no both parents know English and all that shit, but I don’t know how they can be so emotionally non intelligent.

Parents aside, I don’t know how my older brother thinks like them. Sure he spent a few years as a kid in India (we have an age gap) but he did high school, college and now works in America. You would think he would be hundred percent modern. I would say it’s more like 30 percent modern and 70 percent traditional thinking.

I’m so tired of being the scapegoat. I’m so tired of being punished for thinking in a “westernized way”, like sorry I’m Indian American.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I feel so mentally beat down once again.

TLDR