u/Same-District-9248

Hi everyone,

I’m at a crossroads. My last girlfriend had BPSD. She said she would have my babies. Hinge dating is awful.

I hate my job. I am thinking of going to law school to hopefully meet someone normal in person and pursue a passion career or something more tolerable. I’m hoping dating in the city of my choice school Iowa City would be easier too.

I know this is folly, but does anyone have any recommendations or advice here? I know I shouldn’t just do a career switch out of the blue, but frankly I’m burnt out on IT and would like to meet a level headed partner in a respectable field. My family are lawyers, and I’d like to work in public good or tech adjacent field.

Would love to hear anyone’s advice!

*At first I was mortified by the replies, but honestly it’s been interesting to see the spectrum of replies. Appreciate everyone’s input, whether it be insults, gifs, or advice.

Hi all,

I’m a 29 M in a decently sized Midwest city. Dating is brutal here. Due to life, I got a later start and began dating at 25, but catching up has been difficult. Am dating a former friend, but am realizing that they might not be the most sane person I’ve met. I’m 28 now, and am wondering if I need to move to a new city if I want to meet people and have a family. My current city has the same people you meet over and over again.

I’m a single guy who likes to run and strength train. I enjoy reading at a library and work remote. What areas of town do you recommend I move to? I’m a 6’4 white dude with a little bit of a dad bod, but I run marathons and am focusing on strength to build a physique. I make 105k. Ideally I would be next to a body builder gym or men’s clinic as I use TRT with HCG and a large run club for socialization. I’d like a library for reading. Someday, I’d like the chance at a family but I need a life change to make it happen.

Let me know what you recommend!

EDIT: I want to add, would like spots you recommend moving to.

Hi I’m a 29 M who has never been in a relationship. I had a tough younger life, with abusive father (who is no longer abusive and now like a big bear) and a younger brother being killed in a brutal accident. Grew up obese and suffer body dysmorphia as well. Had my first kiss and lost my v-card last year. Am in therapy and working on it. Was also diagnosed with It’s hard because my brother married his first girlfriend who he dated before our brother’s passing. She ended up encouraging him to get a better degree and wound up being a Harvard master’s student.

The girl I’m seeing knows all this, and it turns out her father was a sexual abuser. She’s engaged in casual sex in the past and has severe mental issues like anxiety. She’s had an open relationship, 15 or so boyfriends (all of whom she has broken up with), and is always dating. Apparently every boyfriend she has is one she has asked out. She’s says she dates projects and aims below her league.

Additionally she grew up very poor. 80% of her family has divorced. She is very promiscuous, asking me to choke her during sex.

I enjoy the dates because they are activities like golf and cold plunge. She doesn’t want birth children because of her family’s history of mental illness. I’m concerned with this, and how she is dating me because my family is wealthy. She also is very touchy feely. She is the definition of a love bomber, giving me wallet photos date 2, constantly grabbing my hand, and tried to spend every minute with me early on. I told her no and she respected it. I ran a marathon this weekend, and she tried coming up for it. She also calls and texts quite a bit, but calmed down after I said it was clingy. I’ll admit she is pretty as well.

My question is do I break it off with her? I was tired of being single, but she is talking about moving in within two months of the relationship. She likes me a lot, and I respect her ability to own a home and beat her odds.
Plus she makes good food, is very tidy, and frankly has helped me improve my decoration/style.

But mentally she frightens me. Her past and her actions are scary. She has good friends but no relationship with her parents (which makes sense.) She is also on good terms with her aunt and uncle. She is smart, driven, and ambitious, but she long term makes me nervous. I’d think she would marry me if I asked today.

It’s just hard to date nowadays because I have anxiety and a tough past. I want everything to work out because of my mental issues. Thinking of taking a year or two off and coming back in better health or moving somewhere else for better dating.

Hi I’m a 29 M who has never been in a relationship. I had a tough younger life, with abusive father (who is no longer abusive and now like a big bear) and a younger brother being killed in a brutal accident. Grew up obese and suffer body dysmorphia as well. Had my first kiss and lost my v-card last year. Am in therapy and working on it. Was also diagnosed with It’s hard because my brother married his first girlfriend who he dated before our brother’s passing. She ended up encouraging him to get a better degree and wound up being a Harvard master’s student.

The girl I’m seeing knows all this, and it turns out her father was a sexual abuser. She’s engaged in casual sex in the past and has severe mental issues like anxiety. She’s had an open relationship, 15 or so boyfriends (all of whom she has broken up with), and is always dating. Apparently every boyfriend she has is one she has asked out. She’s says she dates projects and aims below her league.

Additionally she grew up very poor. 80% of her family has divorced. She is very promiscuous, asking me to choke her during sex.

I enjoy the dates because they are activities like golf and cold plunge. She doesn’t want birth children because of her family’s history of mental illness. I’m concerned with this, and how she is dating me because my family is wealthy. She also is very touchy feely. She is the definition of a love bomber, giving me wallet photos date 2, constantly grabbing my hand, and tried to spend every minute with me early on. I told her no and she respected it. I ran a marathon this weekend, and she tried coming up for it. She also calls and texts quite a bit, but calmed down after I said it was clingy. I’ll admit she is pretty as well.

My question is do I break it off with her? I was tired of being single, but she is talking about moving in within two months of the relationship. She likes me a lot, and I respect her ability to own a home and beat her odds.
Plus she makes good food, is very tidy, and frankly has helped me improve my decoration/style.

But mentally she frightens me. Her past and her actions are scary. She has good friends but no relationship with her parents (which makes sense.) She is also on good terms with her aunt and uncle. She is smart, driven, and ambitious, but she long term makes me nervous. I’d think she would marry me if I asked today.

It’s just hard to date nowadays because I have anxiety and a tough past. I want everything to work out because of my mental issues. Thinking of taking a year or two off and coming back in better health or moving somewhere else for better dating. Who needs a partner anyway?

Hi all,

I (29 M) asked out my friend (28 F) , who I knew had a crush on me. Online dating was not going well, and I do find comfort with her. She was into me, and we have lots to talk about. I’ve liked getting to know her well over the past several months.

Some issues or red flags have appeared. For starters, almost of all of her family is divorced and she has been in multiple, short term relationships the last three years since she broke up with her long term boyfriend of 5 years. She also cried during our first argument when she asked to use pet names. Never have been a fan of pet names. I believe she suffers from ADHD as well because she constantly needs me to talk to her or she gets bored.

I’m an extremely late bloomer, having my first kiss and sex this past year. This affects my self esteem, but somehow I think she has lower self esteem than I do. Beyond that she is great, she has been able to buy a home and have a great job after being set so far behind growing up, as she was abused and impoverished. I know I annoy her because sometimes I just sit in silence. Frankly it’s because she wants to hang out all the time. I’m getting burned out.

We went official after a month of dating. I admire her greatly, as she grew up in poverty, has since bought a home, and established a friend group in our city. She frequently grabs my hand for holding, even when I tell her to stop. Clingy describes her well, as she blows up my phone and desires to have every waking moment with me. We talked about it and thought three dates a week is enough. Last week she demanded five and wanted to work from home with me every day. It’s getting upsetting and burning me out. I’ve told her this but she started crying saying she may want a different kind of love than I do. When we first went out we both said we wanted to be loved and content. To feel safe in our relationship. This makes me question if she can function without one.

I’ve found she was abused as a child, which I think explains her issues. Her father is in prison for SA. I’ve also found she had a rich sexual history, and texts me about her “dreams.” I’ve explained how this makes me uncomfortable. She has stopped. I will say the sex is nice and I feel I’m learning a lot. However, everything else I find rocky. I also enjoy our activity dates and days we do other things like cooking. I’ve gotten good feedback too on making my apartment more homely, plus my cooking has improved with her input. Not every relationship is perfect but there are good bits.

I believe she is attracted to my stability and gentle nature, thereby seeing long term potential. I’ve met her friends as well, plus she joined my brother and I for karaoke. It was nice. She has a set of things at my place already. She kinda moved herself in, which was normal for her. Tbh I didn’t hate it. She has asked every guy she has dated to be her boyfriend, but she has also broken up with them. One was the long term relationship where they didn’t get married, one was because the man was in love with someone else, and the others were flings with I guess ugly people? Her friends all take Prozac, which tbh I think she should take as well.

My end worries are I don’t know if I could have a family with her as she is hyper sexual due to SA in the past. She is a nice person, and what we share is great. I’ve had my own family trauma with a young relative being killed in an automobile incident, but I don’t know if she could give me what I want later in life, or I give her what she wants. She has said she also needs to adopt her partner’s family.

It just feels transactional. Like I don’t know if this could work out long term. She mentioned the honey moon phase, but I’m not feeling the honeymoon part. I’d like to say this relationship is calm too, but it’s getting worse at points. She said we could read together, grocery shop together, travel together, etc. I told her she smothers me and she needs to quit it. She even said aloud that she was clingy. She pushes boundaries a lot. Clearly she has anxious attachment style, but she is very secure in acknowledging that. I do like that she doesn’t play games. Part of me is wondering if we moved too fast because we already knew each other.

We do laugh a lot in between everything I will say. My problem is I want to date for marriage and we may need different things. I think it’s a bad sign I already am thinking of ending things. Tbh I’m on FB dating some already, not taking any dates. Also thinking of joining a match maker service.

I just really want someone I find reasonably attractive, is mentally sane, and could have a family with. She fits 2 of the three I’d say.