u/Sameazul

I’m a lawyer.

No matter how many professional opportunities I receive, a man will always appear and take them from me.
Even when I assert myself, exceed expectations, and am right, a man eventually shows up and takes my opportunities.

It’s not that other opportunities don’t come along. It’s that, sooner or later, they end up being taken by men.

I can’t stand this terrible dance of the professional world anymore.

I’ve tried everything: walking beside them, behaving like them, laughing at their prejudiced and painfully unfunny jokes, hiding my femininity in every possible way.

None. Of. It. Fucking. Matters.

At the end of the day, I always lose space to a man. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, and I need input from women who have gone through something similar.

In the way your body moves with mine,
Of my body with yours,
Of my love for you.

At my highest, I am yours:
Whole, dripping, fevered,
In bed,
Bare.

At my lowest, I grow distant:
Shattered, hollow, dry.
I run from the present,
Haunted by what we were.

In this endless cycle, I fall and rise a thousand times,
I hold you close and push you away without meaning to.
I turn longing into presence,
Multiply my desire to have you.

No sobe e desce do teu corpo no meu,
Do meu corpo no teu,
Do meu amor por você.

No alto, sou sua:
Inteira, molhada, suada,
Na cama,
Nua.

No baixo, sou distante:
Quebrada, seca, vazia.
Fujo do agora,
Saudade do antes.

Nesse ciclo, desço e subo mil vezes,
Te abraço e te afasto sem querer.
Transformo a saudade em presença,
Multiplico meu desejo em te ter.

I never wanted you until you wanted me.
Then I began craving the feeling of being wanted by you,
and somewhere along the way,
I started wanting you too.

We gave ourselves to each other in every way possible.

But now I’m no longer sure
you want me anymore.

And still, I want you
not because you once wanted me,
but because I realized
I could never love you less,
only more.

Eu nunca vou ser boa o suficiente.
Eu sou uma fracassada.
Eu sou o quase.

Eu sou o possível
e não o provável.
Eu sou o silêncio.

Eu sou a nuvem cinza
no meio do céu azul.
Eu vejo o sol,
mas não posso tocá-lo.

Estúpida eu.