u/Scribbler8312

I’ve decided I am going to start microdosing T in September, after thinking about it for years. Soon I am also going to start therapy just for counseling and making sure I am in the right place, that I am valid and that I am making good choices.

It is unnerving. I want a masculine figure and facial features so bad, and a deeper voice. It’s just hard. I grew up religious. I’ve always been told that I am beautiful, and I do acknowledge that yes I am a pretty girl, but I don’t want to be a girl. I’m not suicidal or anything, I just… don’t want it? It’s not that I “align” with masculinity more either (I do, but I also like “girly things” sometimes but I think that likes and hobbies should not be gendered). So I don’t know, I struggle. I worry that I won’t like myself. I worry that my partner won’t like me (they insist they will and are a huge encouragement). I will lose friends and family over it.

It’s just scary, but I want it. So therapy and taking it slow, and who knows.

Random side note but I have a set of Wenwan walnuts that I haven’t touched, I plan to start working them once I start HRT - whether or not I stay on it. I think the idea of documenting how I change every month, and how they change every month, is an interesting idea. I might post it here, or I might post it to TikTok someday. Or I might keep them to myself.

Idk. Just thoughts. I’m scared but I also hope.

I’m 24, and pre-T - I am hoping to start it soon, but I’m still twisted up over my own validity and I’d like therapy first. I just got a bi-salpingectomy (partly for no kids ever, partly because I hope getting top surgery and a hysto next will be easier) and have free time. So I’m daydreaming again about my next steps towards being happy in my own skin.

I’ve wanted top surgery for a long time, but my current main issues are insurance coverage and work coverage. I have amazing insurance, but it is through my job. I live in the South, and I work in an assembly plant doing very hard physical labor on a line with many other people. It takes a lot of upper body strength and arm movement, and I also cannot transfer anywhere else or do a different job, so I will be transitioning in front of people.

I also don’t get the time off for six months of leave. My maximum vacation days are 6 weeks, and I’m not sure if FMLA for long term leave will cover this. I am not willing to lose my job, because it means losing everything, even the ability to transition itself. So I’m trying to work out how I can get surgery and keep my job (I know I can be fired still, but I want a fighting chance). My best shot at this is using FMLA and proving it as “medically necessary,” which is through an entirely different process than my personal insurance.

So I am trying to figure out

a) How do I get my personal medical insurance to cover the costs, to deem it medically necessary? What is the process to do so - I’m assuming I need to show history of gender dysphoria, which I don’t have because I live in the closet and my family is highly conservative/evangelical. So I don’t know how that works.

b) Getting FMLA insurance to cover my time off for my job. I’m assuming I need six months from what I researched - I almost definitely qualify for peri-areolar, but I prefer just a double incision if I can swing that by a surgeon. Regardless, which the difficulty of my job, I don’t think I can safely work unless I am fully healed, so I need to figure out how to get that covered so I do not lose my job.

c) Any personal experiences with peri or double is welcome, especially if you can share details on the process of insurance and work. I want to be prepared as I can for any outcome so I can keep making plays towards having the life I want.