u/Sensitive_Pension203

Hi guys, I have OCD and received 10 mg of Abilify, 10 of lexapro and 0.50 of Xanax, I however thought it was too much and decided to only take the lexapro and half of the xanax, today however I decided to also take the abilify and the akathisia REALLY hit, I went for a swim now and am doing relatively better but I am really afraid it'll come back, I also really need to sleep too, cause at the same time the abilify sedated me and I feel like SHIT. I am really scared on how long will this last. I am never taking abilify again

I started lexapro 4 days ago and I am not really seeing any side effects, except good ones ofc, suddenly I dont have ideation anymore and my heart rate isn't 120 with an impending doom of a truck, I had some akathisia like thing the first day by which I mean I would yawn and idk I felt like I should continue closing my jaw if it makes sense it was kinda shit, other than that my pupils are a bit more dilated. I don't seem to have any sexual side effects which is why I can here, to ask if you guys got them first moments or it took some time, regarding food I am not hungrier in fact a bit less hungry than I thought.

I have OCD so it's only natural for me to scout worst case scenarios and seek reassurance or smth, tbh when I started I didn't care about possible side effects I just wanted to be able to eat and not feel tortured by severe anxiety all day

So for context this may I had severe problems with anxiety which made my OCD worse, up till then it was interesting because I had the exact same thoughts people with OCD have "Am I a pdf" "Am I secretly a murderer" "what if I am not enough for this person or they're mad at me" but they never got me that tortured, I would be pretty able to dismiss them, later in March it got worse and stuff like the thougths were getting stickier but I still managed, yet in May my body cracked anxiety to the max couldn't eat couldn't sleep panicking even more had to take benzos to sleep, eventually recently went to a psychiatrist and got prescribed abilify lexapro and a xanax before bed.

Now suddenly my fyp are all "SSRIS CAUSED ME AKATHISIA DYSKANISIA" "SSRIS CHOPPED OF MY P......" "I GAINED 670 LBS" Holy christ like, I had extreme SI back then and I know the meds are literally the only way I could ever sleep and not have a heart attack every time a twig cracks as if I am a deer, but it still pisses me off.

Not to mention I didn't even take the abilify cause of how scared I am of the side effects, yet until now the meds work pretty well I have less physical anxiety and can finally breathe and walk and live.

I know this is dumb and like probably I should ask someone else but I keep hearing that when people are in psychosis they don't know it, and I get the delusions and so on but what happens when you have a delusion for example like you're manic and then see some dragon or an onion being alive, do you just shrug it off and continue thinking the government is after you ?

Again posting here also trigger warning, try not reading this if you aren't in the mood for something or don't feel like you've seen it all. So anyways I am diagnosed with OCD, it was horrible before, I had obsessions mostly but less compulsions, eating disorder, sexual orientation ocd and other themes. In may I developed sleep anxiety, the insomnia didn't last long tbh at one point it kinda went away despite insanely high anxiety tied to whether or not I am sleeping. Anyways during this whole thing the obsessions were getting weirder, more existential, and coupled with delusions about myself, I started thinking I am cursed but also believing other shit that I am living my final days and so on, then I learned what psychosis is and that sleep deprivation can cause it, I started panicking like shit about this during the day knowing that if I don't sleep at night this can happen and it felt as if my world was splitting, first night after this I couldn't sleep but then I became suicidal and fell deep into depression and not caring as much, I stopped taking care of myself and thought that if a psychosis ever happens I'd just 💀 and that's it, this went on for a month, all of june was like this. Yesterday I slept bad again though because of the heat, after that I slept relatively good but I woke up a lot and every noise was startling me, rn however I can't sleep and I am insanely paranoic, LIKE I AM SO PARANOIC, i just saw a creepy post I don't wanna say what it was but it's torturingggg me, I just wanna sleep but it's so bad when I close my eyes I just see horrific shit I am scared of nightmares and the reason I am writing this isn't for vent or pettiness, my psychiatrist prescribed me anti psychotics the first time, I didn't take them cause my past eating disorder didn't really kiss with the weight gain side effect, I feel better that I have them there but I can't help but wonder if I really am just OCD or if there's other shit out there, the last couple of months I've been acting weird, I isolated myself and my existential ocd had me making theories and believing them, also I am scared of infinity I am scared scared scared just scared of existing right now holy christ it's that bad. Is this schizophrenia? Or at least the start. I don't even know anymore I have no hallucinations yet just delusions and strong internal thoughts that have different voices, but in terms of auditory or visual hallucinations there isn't anything. So yeah this is all basically just me rambling about being afraid of psychosis and very sensitive to creepy stuff. I am a joke of a person tbf, fear is the only thing about me, sometimes I wish I could cut out my brain amygdala and live at least one day being free and not terrorised, not to this point at least. Today I was even having a good day but everytime I start feeling a bit good then it instantly gets worse, I am tired not just of OCD but like insanely tired rn my eyes are closing cause I wanna sleep. I also hate sleep with a burning passion, something u cant control but u rely on, imagine this with food, oh you can't eat it, it just spawns in your stomach but only if ur good and not stressed otherwise go fuck yourself and die. Sorry if this post is crap it's the closest thing to a compulsion I can do for an obsession this stupid

Hello, I have slow COMT, i discovered this after noticing that after some bad habits I picked up in life my anxiety symptoms which were already present spiked reallt hard and now I have insomnia which is making it worse, I've been taking magnesium bisglycinate before bed which helped me a lot for a bit, today I also took a vitamin b complex, later I got into a family fight because of a panic attack which was really strong and now I am writing this at 4 am, can any of you in similar situations tell me what I actually need, cause I heard a lot of times it can make things worse if not careful