u/Several-Associate976

If I apply domicile will I get hs reservation (I did my 12th boards from UP 😭😭😭 but have lived in delhi all my life)

those who got in through LEEE. what did you all do? what matters the most?

like the title says i am an abslute beginner where should i start from?i have no idea about crocheting.

I have returned home after completing my 1st year of college. And I feel so invaded and disturbed at my own home.

I was here for winter break as well and I felt odd back then too.

We lost dada ji last year which led to dadi living with us. I was preparing for JEE at that time (it was my drop year) I had performed wayyyy less than what I was supposed to in my january attempt (I got 95%ile, for context my mocks aits used to go way good my projected rank was 1k-2k I have scored 99.7%ile+ in all subjects once but never together) post january I went into severe depression I tried asking my parents for help but you all know, parents. They never understood and constantly berrated me that I will never make it. Yes they invested a lot in me like a LOT it must have costed them a fortune 20 lakhs or so yes I appreciate but man you can't berrate me when I am so severely depressed. They had made me cutoff my school friends too I could hardly make contact with the outside world. (These friends also gave me a hard time during February and March of 2025 and I will later go on to learn in April of 2026 that I should have ditched them back then) In complete depression I totally flunked my 2nd attempt and all other exams. I ended up in a horrible horrible college albeit with the prestigious tag of "national importance" in a branch I never wanted to get into - computer science. I always knew I was meant for physics or math.

In a desperate attempt to get the branch I wanted in a better college I gave JEE once again. This time as a double dropper from college. I gave it a lot but I have been and am too burntout and depressed. I landed with the EXACT SAME SCORE this year as well.

My parents know I am not okay mentally they are way too aware. Yet they find ways to besmirch me with my failure of not making it to an IIT. It's not upfront it's laced passively. Today my father was teaching my younger brother mathematics and I said casually that'you used to be chill with me papa why so harsh with him' my mother replied laughingly "so he doesn't turn into what you have" broooooo she KNOW so well I am suffering! I told her today itself and all she did was deflect I arrived this morning at home. If I share my problems she always deflects my father says it happens with everyone can't do anything. I lost all my friends due to my manipulative ex back home. I have a few friends at college but we are not really that close.

\*\*The reason I am losing my cool today is:-\*\*

I was sleeping today and like any other hosteller I have lost a CRAZY amount of weight it's just unhealthy atp even a size 24 jeans is too loose on me. Alright yes I need to eat but when I was sleeping my mother lifted my shirt man i-

Idk if this is normal. It just feels so invasive this isn't the first time this has happened.

I just don't know just what was the point? This is so stupid.

Everything is so stupid. I just wanted to do well in life and amongst all this in the past 4 years I have lost everything I ever had including my ambitions and I see no reason to live anymore I am just operating on this sick survival mode my college cg is at rock bottom. I got a 6 pointer last semester and expecting a 5 this sem.

Also the way my mother talks to me I just hate it. I don't know why but it just gets on my nerves so much even when she is talking about something normal.

This doesn't seem like my home anymore, what used to be my room now belongs to my dadi and all she does is throw tantrums all day.

It feels horrendous.

There are just so many layers to all this I can't even begin to start even this I'll say is just the surface of what life has been ever since 2020 life has felt horrendous from being sexual assaulted, to my mother having cancer there have been so many variables. How can life be this complex? Is everyone's life this complex?

I have returned home after completing my 1st year of college. And I feel so invaded and disturbed at my own home.

I was here for winter break as well and I felt odd back then too.

We lost dada ji last year which led to dadi living with us. I was preparing for JEE at that time (it was my drop year) I had performed wayyyy less than what I was supposed to in my january attempt (I got 95%ile, for context my mocks aits used to go way good my projected rank was 1k-2k I have scored 99.7%ile+ in all subjects once but never together) post january I went into severe depression I tried asking my parents for help but you all know, parents. They never understood and constantly berrated me that I will never make it. Yes they invested a lot in me like a LOT it must have costed them a fortune 20 lakhs or so yes I appreciate but man you can't berrate me when I am so severely depressed. They had made me cutoff my school friends too I could hardly make contact with the outside world. (These friends also gave me a hard time during February and March of 2025 and I will later go on to learn in April of 2026 that I should have ditched them back then) In complete depression I totally flunked my 2nd attempt and all other exams. I ended up in a shitty college albeit with the prestigious tag of "national importance" in a branch I never wanted to get into - computer science. I always knew I was meant for physics or math.

In a desperate attempt to get the branch I wanted in a better college I gave JEE once again. This time as a double dropper from college. I gave it a lot but I have been and am too burntout and depressed. I landed with the EXACT SAME SCORE this year as well.

My parents know I am not okay mentally they are way too aware. Yet they find ways to besmirch me with my failure of not making it to an IIT. It's not upfront it's laced passively. Today my father was teaching my younger brother mathematics and I said casually that'you used to be chill with me papa why so harsh with him' my mother replied laughingly "so he doesn't turn into what you have" broooooo she KNOW so well I am suffering! I told her today itself and all she did was deflect I arrived this morning at home. If I share my problems she always deflects my father says it happens with everyone can't do anything. I lost all my friends due to my manipulative ex back home. I have a few friends at college but we are not really that close.

**The reason I am losing my SHIT today is:-**

I was sleeping today and like any other hosteller I have lost a CRAZY amount of weight it's just unhealthy atp even a size 24 jeans is too loose on me. Alright yes I need to eat but when I was sleeping my mother lifted my shirt man i-

Idk if this is normal. It just feels so invasive this isn't the first time this has happened.

I just don't know just what was the point? This is so stupid.

Everything is so stupid. I just wanted to do well in life and amongst all this in the past 4 years I have lost everything I ever had including my ambitions and I see no reason to live anymore I am just operating on this sick survival mode my college cg is fuked. I got a 6 pointer last semester and expecting a 5 this sem.

Also the way my mother talks to me I just hate it. I don't know why but it just gets on my nerves so much even when she is talking about something normal.

This doesn't seem like my home anymore, what used to be my room now belongs to my dadi and all she does is throw tantrums all day.

It feels horrendous.