u/Sharp_Crew8846

Maybe it’s just because I am a bit autistic, but I genuinely don’t understand what it means when people say that someone has hit the wall? I get the general reference is that a person has gotten old and therefore they don’t look attractive any more but I really struggle to believe that because I can still find older people attractive so I really genuinely don’t get it.

I failed to understand how fine lines and a smaller or bigger body is immediately undesirable. I really don’t get it. I mean that person still has their feature features. That would typically be attractive so I don’t get it.

Also again maybe it’s my weird brain but when I look at someone in their late twenties to early 30s I don’t see an enormous change in them as they get into their 40s. I really don’t understand how suddenly they go from being valuable to complete piece of shit. lol I’m sorry I just don’t get it!!!

39 f and maybe I’m just having a moment but I think I’ve taken the full on loser lane.

Being childfree, I don’t have anything to show for it like I can see people who are childfree absolutely thriving where they’ve already paid off their house by my age and are doing cool projects.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve done stuff in my life. I lived overseas for six years. Met someone and fell in love. Had a long-term relationship abroad for years. Came back to my own country of Australia during Covid and as a mature-age student studied a little bit of law and then counselling and psychology. I also did an MBA. All while working full-time.

I don’t come from any kind of money and I’ve never felt butt hurt about that. I just accepted it as reality. Now my mother is making a joke of my life because I continue to rent. Yes, it sucks but what can I do about it? It’s like my studies mean nothing but it has actually helped me professionally.

I probably won’t be able to get my own apartment for another three years or so but I’m literally doing the best that I can and it’s not like I don’t work. I’ve always worked. I guess I’m just looking to connect with other child free people who are not outstanding millionaires because they just don’t think that’s ever gonna be me.

I have never given myself permission to just say this so I’m going to now at 39 years old as a woman who was parent affied and the eldest of four children, and as a person who grew up in a childcare house with kids constantly running around;

Kids are effing annoying. And I have had to suppress that shit in my whole life in order to be a good big sister and a good second mother and a good childcarer.

My mom was a massive bitch - entitled rude and borderline disorderef, and my dad was totally narcissistic and negligent . So guess who had to step up most of the time? It was me.

When my insane family asked me about having children, I just look at them and laugh inside. I cannot believe they are so ignorant and I cannot believe they continue to perpetuate this really weird dysfunctional intergenerational trauma cycle without any self reflection.

I have two sisters and both of them have decided to have children. One of my sisters projects onto her daughter who is an angel, and she puts all of her issues on her. And my other sister is a poly substance use disordered person who is extremely manipulative and just had a baby… Yeah I’m sure that’s gonna go really well.

Anyway, this is a post to absolutely gloat because I can’t fucking do it anywhere else . I’m so goddamn proud of me for not having children and for stopping the bullshit cycle and for just more importantly being able to enjoy my own fucking life for once - and even though it feels like I’m finally able to enjoy it late where I’m 39 (it would’ve been nice to have this realisation much earlier), but anyway fuck it at least I’m not stuck in a toxic relationship.

I don’t own a home or anything yet but I still have time to pick up my life out - and at least I don’t have children

Rant over, but fuck my whole family. Fuck their judgment their criticism of me and their fucking ignorance continuing abusive family cycles. But sure - I’m the weird one

I’m 39F and recently realised how emotionally detached I’ve become from my family. There’s a long history of abuse, addiction, misogyny, manipulation and dysfunction, and I’ve spent years distancing myself for my own wellbeing.

One of my sisters just had a baby and suddenly relatives I barely speak to are reaching out with photos, updates, passive aggressive messages, and expectations that I’ll reconnect. But honestly, I don’t want back into the chaos.

I feel sad for the child because I’ve already seen generational trauma repeat itself in my family, but I also feel completely detached from it now. I’ve worked hard to build a peaceful independent life away from them, and becoming the “black sheep” and childfree one no longer feels like a failure — it feels like freedom.

I think I’m just looking for community from other childfree people who’ve stepped away from deeply toxic families. Did anyone else reach a point where the emotional connection just disappeared?

I (39 f) I have elected to not have sex in the last nine months. And I have been looking at this through a Jungian perspective, though I lack the impartiality required for a proper perspective. I’m seeking your help, please.

Basically… 2 1/2 years ago I escaped a toxic relationship that was truly the definition of the word. Although it was only a short relationship of seven months, it did harm. The man I was with was a poly substance abuse addict. He was also abusive. Of course – none of this was apparent at the beginning while we were dating. But the way that it ended was traumatising.

Although I have had a significant amount of time to recover, it left me quite jaded. I did have a couple of dates in the last year and a half. One of those dates was with a man who ended up being emotionally hostile once I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship. And the other guy was nice enough but I just realised there was not a sincere connection between us. It was mostly just physical. After that last connection I felt kind of disgusted with myself and also with sex.

Suddenly tonight I have a very strong craving for sex and I am trying to figure out what would actually work for me. A part of me doesn’t want to go back on the dating scene because a part of me is extremely sceptical about spending time and money and effort on whining and dining with people. I never used to think that way but suddenly that that’s how I think. Part of me would prepare a sexual relationship that’s casual but then I worry about sexually transmitted diseases and also regret afterward i.e. feeling diminished or used. And then I think about what do I just carry on being abstinent.

The other thing is, I have been going back to the gym again and getting into better shape after a long period of full-time study and full-time work. My life has come to ahead now where I’ve achieved what I set out to over the last five years. But a part of me is trying to reconnect with something beyond duty and responsibility and I just don’t even know where to begin.

Because the last relationship involved watching someone spiral into drug abuse, I’m really cautious about alcohol or weed.. sometimes I crave to just let go and say fuck it and have some champagne but then I think no I need to recalibrate my life and be the healthiest best version of myself. I can be to attract a good partner.

The unusual thing that has emerged for me lately though is a feeling of resignation about partnership where I actually do enjoy my own company and I wouldn’t be devastated if I ended up being single for the rest of my life. And I never imagined I would feel that way but I do. The last 2 1/2 years have been predominantly very peaceful and very constructive and I’m proud of how much I’ve accomplished. The other thing is that the peace is second to none. It’s so wonderful to be able to just do what I want when I want. My longest relationship was eight years and that was before the toxic relationship so I think a part of me is still revelling in autonomy. But what I haven’t figured out is how to have a good balance between connection and possible intimacy. Sorry for the ramble but I’m a little bit lost and I just wonder if I’m actually avoiding living and hiding it within enjoying being single and having peace… That’s my fear. I’m afraid that I’m hiding in control. But at the same time when I have attempted to go out into the world again, it has been the same sort of disappointment or disenchantment and I inevitably prefer my own company. It feels like the price for good sex is some degree of toxicity and that’s what I’m super cautious about.

TLDR is my autonomy just a clever disguise for avoiding life