u/Shiefshief_93

My bf just said some mean things to me and didn't buy me flowers for our anniversary because were going on a holiday next month and he wants to save his money. I didn't hear from him all day yesterday until late at night, i was already asleep because i had too work. Am i tripping if i say that he didn't seem to respect my time at all? With trauma it's hard to see what's happening and what is imagined. I just don't feel appreciated and loved lately. I now feel nothing towards him i just don't care. Is this what deactivation feels like? Is it permanent? I think i'm doing this as a way to protect myself

Lately i don't really feel loved and appreciated by my virgo bf🥺 i mean we had our one year anniversary recently and it may not be much for some but it is to me, because of my attachement isseus relationships never been very long and he just treated it like a normal day..no flowers or anything..he buys himself junkfood almost everyday that is not nessecary because i have a hot meal for him at home, that's much healthier. So we are going on a holiday september 1st and he says he wants to save money for that and that we can celebrate it there but since it's also his birthday on the 1st, i don't really see it happing. A few weeks ago he got sick and i made him a 'sick package' wich exists of an apple, tea for the immune system, piece of ginger and a lemon. Just a little thing i know, but when i came to his house and say the whole thing in the fridge untouched i felt like i might as well didn't do it then..maybe i give too much and he starts taking me for granted..when i said something about he said i was overreacting and that it's a small thing. I do have to say that he has ADD so i know he get's easily distracted abd stuff. He can be an asshole but also very sweet. No i'm used to assholes but i'm at an age rn where i will not deal with asshole behaviour anymore. I used to be a pleaser and i'm simply not like that anymore. We haven't seen eachother for a few days even tho he wanted to come see me i rejected him and told him that i don't have the time till thursday but i might push it till friday because there's this farewell party in my building because one if my neighbours i can get along with is leaving after 13 years so that's more important rn. He can also be a little mean when he's angry..i deleted a game from my ps4 because we finished ir so it made sense to me. He then downloaded the wrong game and got angry at me for deleting the game because it was supposed to be a three in one package. He then proceeded to say that i ruined everything and 'oh you're gonna cry again' and later said sorry if i was mean. I don't know if it's just in my head but i have the feeling that he is kinda breadcrumbing me..he doesn't give as much in the bedroom either, like he used too..so i now have my space too process my emotions and trying to see if it's all in my head, am i overreacting because of past bad relationships? Is this virgo behaviour?!

Let me explain why. People expect a certain kind of consistancy from a friend that we just can't give.

We are unpredictable, loners who just make contact when *we* want to and that makes us unreliable and flaky, we do what we want and feel suffocated by needy people (i do, at least) we simply can't add up to the expectations most people have for friendships and to me, it feels like pressure. We either talk you're ear off, or go silent for 3 days. It's sad to see there's barely any space to be ourselfs in the world. I get it, people don't understand and because of aloofness we get misinderstood a lot of the time and people feel like we don't care. That's also a reason to retreat within ourselfs and recharge our battery because it is simply exhausting to be misunderstood all the time and over explain yourself over and over again. Just need to rant i geuss

Like i'm either the odd one out but stay close to myself, or blend in with everyone and feel empty and inside. Like i can only truly be myself when i'm alone

Something about parents i would never understand is when parents complain about not having enough time for themselfs or being exhausted. You made you're bed now you gotta lay in it🤷🏾 the other day i asked my friend about if she regrets having kids or she wishes things were different. Now, i am someone who askes people bold questions like that, other people are afraid to ask. She complaints a lot about not having time to do something for herself. She got very offended by me asking that question, since she was just 'having a moment, and would do anything for her kids' (mind you, she has a lot of these moments, i just wanted her tk be honest. I wont judge her, i like to talk about taboo topics) now tell me, was that a little bit insensitive from my part? Or am i just holding her responsible for her own actions since, you know, SHE decided to have kids and this is just what this life is, a sacrifice of you're time, body, and you're money. That's the way i see it🤷‍♀️ but parents don't really see it that way or she just can't be honest about the fact that she might have some regrets there..