Dear Mrs neighbor J
When your grandson lied to your face about someone and you then asked him “Are you sure?” and he doubled down on that lie… is that when you knew the truth? You’ve known him since he was born and know his cues so I assume you knew he was lying. But was that the exact moment?
First mini backstory:
I was diagnosed in the mid-late 90s just before starting university. I didn’t handle it well. It wasn’t as much in the cultural lexicon as is it now.
Before then I had always been the weird or strange kid with usually only a friend or two. The either “you got me” or “you didn’t” type thing. I’m still that person but only “came out” about the diagnosis in the past couple of years. My diagnosing psychiatrist told me I never had to say anything to anyone about it because it absolutely doesn’t change anything putting a name on it.
I haven’t been comfortable with the reactions of many. Everything from “well who isn’t anymore, right” to “bullshit, you’re just fucking weird.” There’s the people closer to me who mostly say, “well yes we’d always assumed but didn’t want to say anything because of how you are/how you get. We didn’t know if you knew.”
Generally speaking however I think I feel more comfortable being seen by some, maybe not most but I don’t know, as a bit “strange but harmless.” I’m not sure if I’m more comfortable with this take because it’s been all I’ve known since I have memories, which start at just over 2 years old, so it’s “normal.” Or is it I’m stilled tapped into that reaction from when it sounded somewhat devastating to me; something I never heard of before but sounded like something bad.
Does anyone else out there relate or have a take ?
It’s been several years after a 10+ years relationship. What he has done has been truly horrible. But I still love him. I still miss him. I’ve not “hooked up,” kissed, or even romantically hugged anyone since him. I don’t know my feelings can change. I miss him. I love him. Saying that he was never faithful to me should be the worst of it but the post breakup was far worse. However I love him. It’s been 3 years now and I’ve not moved on with anyone in any way.