u/Short_Duck_3843

I have found a lump under my left breast, but it kind of sits outside if the main breast tissue if you know what i mean, it is kind of on my rib, it is movable and hard, and I only noticed it recently after i felt some soreness

This breast has always been bigger than the other one slightly, so someone suggested that it might that my bra is too tight on the left breast

Anyways, any thoughts?? I am scared cause it is not pea sized, it is a bit flat

Anyways i dont have any other symptoms of breast cancer, skin around it is normal, nothing odd yet

Who wants to hangout?

Girls only preferably (I am a girl), I prefer someone open-minded, understanding and straightforward (I am autistic)

My interests include:

Video games (big bonus if we can play together)

Specific series

Writing

World building

Psychology and neuroscience

The occult and religions

Learning anything in general, I love learning so having different interests is nice as well if you teach me yours, I love novelty more than anything

Photography and aesthetic huntings

Alternative fashion

I am very accepting of people so I'd hope the same from friends and I love deep connections built on genuine interest.

Just message me 🍀

I know that this isn't exactly a server for OCD but I get a feeling a lot of the people here have it.
It is like my mind cannot rest over the need of control and that translates over to flights and pretty much all aspects of my life but recently it is all just takes form in this phobia.

I have constant thoughts about everything in regards to the flights.

Did someone check every single screw in the engine and wings?
Did ATC miss something?
Are the pilots well rested? Did they miss something important while briefing? Something that can pile up to something? Going from harmless to risky?
Is there something piling up for months in the wirings of the cockpit that might spark a fire?

If I was responsible for every single part of the flight, I would be fine. But I am not, I could never let go of that control, give it to other people that make sure the flight happens.

I can’t deal with my mind anymore, constantly anxious or completely numb when exhausted of that anxiety, no in between.

But then I start asking myself what’s with you? what’s your problem? you can’t control anything in this life, you’re in the hand of random variables you know nothing of. If only I could rest for once.

What’s for lunch? What’s going to happen, tomorrow, two days after tomorrow? Did someone check every single screw in the engine? How’s my dad's health? Is my sister okay? How much money can be spent this month? Everything needs to be perfect, within my own set of rules. Nothing I do reaches perfection, barely grazes it. If I was responsible for every single part of the flight, I would be fine. But I am not, I could never let go of that control, give it to other people. If I was there with my father, I could make sure he is always drinking water, but I am not there, I can’t be there. Why does my lunch have to be constrained with so many futile rules? It needs to be this and that. I can’t deal with my mind anymore, constantly anxious or completely numb when exhausted of that anxiety, no in between. What’s with you? What’s your problem? You can’t control anything in this life, you’re in the hand of random variables you know nothing of. If only I could rest for once.

Yes title says it all, I already booked a flight a week ago, it is two hours long, it will be a waste of money and time not to go but anxiety is catching up to me and the bus is also really expensive (more than the flight)

I don't fly nearly enough to be exposed constantly to flying, say 4 flights a year max
Every single time, a month before my scheduled flight, I usually I try to come to term with death and it is exhausting every time, it is like a genuine mortality acceptation as I treat every flight like a death sentence / a person on death row
And in accepting it, I guess it is a defense mechanism to lower my fear, but it takes a toll on me, as I don't end up dying usually (as can be seen), and I feel huge relief as if I survived something, and the cycle repeats, and I do have OCD, so there is also some magical thinking, like if I don't come to terms with mortality "I'll be taken by surprise"
Tell me I am not alone in this shitty experience
Funniest part is this fear is pretty recent (two years ago), I used to fly with no issues or any bad thoughts in my head before, I guess at the time, I just didn't think anything could happen to me but as i developed interest in aviation disasters, my empathy took the best of me and I kept imagining what people went through while crashing and this always happen to me whereas I overly empathize/imagine what people go through but when it comes to this kind of stuff or true crimes, it fucks with me for a very long time, two years now even though I stopped reading any triggering media related to aviation it is been a year and a half