How do you know if you're studying the wrong degree or just struggling to adapt to university? It's making me question my future
First, I want to apologize if there are any writing mistakes. English is not my first language.
I recently started university in the degree I "wanted" which is Physics. But instead of felling motivated, I just want to stay in my home and never return.
I'm not afraid of failing with the grades and nothing similar, I just fell empty. I have always love both exacts sciences and history so I said that I would study physics or maths and then history as a short of pasional degree to have but not make a living of it. Grades of my previous schools proves that nines, tens and my "first-class honours" being in history with a essays abour Spanish anarchism which the teacher called "university level".
However, despite liking physics I don't see my place there and I might choose the wrong degree or path, in general. Every time I enter the classroom, I can only think: "F*ck, 4 or more years of this for doing what I want." The atmosphere at my university doesn't help to making me fell better, non of my friends are with me and everyone in my class seems that they already know each other for years. Always, when a class ends they all go to the hallways to talk during the 10 minutes reccess and I end up alone in the class in my site. I have problems with starting a conversation and big groups of people, stress me. I don't want to talk with any of them I don't care, I only want to go home. I haven't spoke a single word ouside "hello" and "thanks" so I case I never return to class they won't notice it. For now, I have only spoken to the two I was assing to make the practices of programmation.
And teachers... well, those who teach us the physic subject are one young arrogant and egocentric and a old teacher that teaches like it's the 1980's and doesn't care a bit about us(once the bottle of one of the student fell to floor by mistake. He gave us a small talk that the noise disrupts the class.). The other are fine, not bad teachers that only read a presentation but not the best.
I fell scare to leave the degree so early, maybe I just struggle to adapt, and saying it to my family or even my small group of friends. I have always been those students of top grades so they might expect more about me. And maybe also scare a bit to admit for me, I have always had curiosity for physics and maths as history but it seems that studying physics or math may not be my thing, I don't want to work on those fields for now.
What I love about them was that I learnt and research what I was curious at that moment. No presure, no deadline for exams or assigments nor missing something and not understanding rest of the temary. I love the theory but I can't stand doing over and over thousands of the same problem with some silly variation. The university might be too squared and elitist to me and I think it only wants to check all the things of a list to give the title than making the students truly learn. I truly fear that if I change to history instead the same thing happends.
I usually don't have difficulty studying, I quickly pick up things and exams have never stressed me. But now, I don't even want to go to it no matter if I get a 0.
I have think of picking a job that's only 8 hours and not carring to home any "homework" or "studying for an exam" to home to be worried about, and in my free time writing small essays of history and trying to publish them and learn by myself how to do them. If there was a way to get a degree by my own without going to university. But I'm just lost in my mental mental dilemmas and scare that this may became dangerous to my mental health.
Maybe someone has pass trought something similar and might help me with this.