u/SiberusOG

I'm curious.

Look, I know that being "owed" something and "deserving" something are two different things. But it absolutely drives me up the wall when I hear normies say that on the one hand "everyone deserves love" when they want to be compassionate, but switch up the moment the person suffering from lovelessness starts sounding even a little entitled. "You aren't owed anything!" ok but if everyone deserves to experience human connection, why are you so fucking hostile when we complain about it?

It's the same with ugliness. Everyone deep down knows it's not right that ugly people don't get to experience the same things as other people. But they can't solve that problem because it's just nature, so instead they blame you for it the moment you start getting mad about it. It's a cope to make them feel better and you shut up.

I'm 26M and I've been really struggling the last few years. I have normal hobbies like TV shows, movies, games etc. But in the last few years my OCD has really ruined any freetime I have.

In 2024 it started with games. I wasn't feeling some games and was frustrated. Eventually, this somehow turned into a rumination loop. "Am I liking this game? Am I not liking this game? Why am I not liking this game? Am I bored right now". Feelings that should come naturally, instead became things I had to overanalyze or think about before they even happend. I'm not sure what type of OCD I have (Pure O or not), but it has been terrible.

I also realized that I've had this for longer than I thought. I fell out of anime a few years ago because everytime I tried to start one I treated it like a test to see if I still liked the medium or not after not liking a few shows. I've rewatched some of my favorite shows and replayed some of my favorite games, and I feel like I've totally ruined them because my mood was terrible during them thanks to OCD, and that created new tainted memories.

What's worse is that this all creates a cycle. Because at this point it's been so long since this has been affecting me, there's been so many experiences that I feel like I've "ruined" because I didn't enjoy them enough, and that just makes the cycle even worse. Even on good days, I just think about how much more I could have enjoyed stuff. I used to enjoy analyzing stuff, critiquing stuff, comparing things with friends, and now I can't do that.

I've taken long breaks, started exercising more, I even tried therapy. It wasn't really helpful, although I only went for a few weeks, but I can't really afford it rn anyways (I live in the U.S. 😭 ).

I've had OCD since I was a kid, I've had sexual OCD, moral OCD, etc. But as silly as it sounds, this is the worst OCD I've ever had. It's genuinely affected me so much and it's exhausting. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of not enjoying anything, anyone got any advice?

Please send me the edit I wanted to see it again and can't find it

I got a final round interview invitation a few days ago. The process was very weird, instead of doing multiple rounds it was just pre-recorded interview with some easy multiple choice questions -> call informing you of selection -> final round interview. I was told that all that would be on the final round interview was a 15-16 question multiple choice and one coding question. I was pretty nervous as I only started grinding leetcode a few months ago, and I've only had a few coding assessments before and I only did well on one of them and this was my first live one. I looked online at sites like GlassDoor and the reception to how easy the assessment was were very mixed, but I also saw that anytime someone mentioned what the coding question was it looked pretty easy so I had some hope.

Right away the interview started off weird. There was a lot of questions about my resume, which was fine I guess, but I was surprised that this waited till the final round. Then I got to the multiple choice questions, and they were pretty hard. Some of them weren't too bad, but a lot of them reminded me of CodingJesus' random questions, with a lot of questions about what functions would return when the functions are written in ways no one would ever write, and a few trivia questions as well. This was also fine, I don't think I did great, but I think I at least got a few right.

But when I got to the coding problem I froze. I had 31 minutes left, they asked me to explain my thought process, and I started talking then spent another 11 minutes considering the problem. I legit was just silent for like 10 minutes. They also just silently watched during all of my hackerrank. Finally I started coding, and I did the problem completely wrong. It looked to me like a greedy problem because it was about finding an optimal solution. What makes me feel stupid is that I later realized after the assessment that this was a brute force problem, so literally just doing it the dirtiest way possible could have worked. Instead I spent way too long thinking of a solution. By the end I didn't get anything right, and had to explain to them why I couldn't do it.

What makes me feel especially shitty is that this job was $10-15k below the average starting salary of a junior. It's a WITCH company too. If I can't even get this job, what can I do? I know it's normal to suck your first few times during live interviews but I still feel like I'm just a bad programmer. I don't know how I'll get over my nerves, especially for problems like this that I haven't seen on leetcode.