u/Signal_Can5983

Been dating this girl for 3-4 weeks now, we've only been on one date which was a bit of a disaster as she self-sabotaged the whole thing presumably out of fear of messing up, as she later said she may have bpd/is worried she will go crazy and didn't want to ruin things.

Both the last two times, she had genuinely been in a mental health spiral and of course dates were put off, however this time around, I had a big live show - I'm a musician and this meant a lot to me, and she knew this, I covered her ticket and she said she would try and see me, she just had to go shopping for a dress for an event beforehand, I know this is true.

Thirty minutes before it starts, I'm first on, I message her and she says she's with her friend - he's this male close friend of hers, who to be honest I don't feel insecure about in a way of 'value' in any regard, it's just their boundaries are weird with him having her phone password for example, anyways, point is she said she was out with him in the city (where I was) and wouldn't be able to bring him (presumably due to extended drama/taboo stuff, it's a whole thing, I know that). The thing is, she was literally a few minutes away and knew beforehand about all of this, and could have easily said anything to just come see me and chose to stay with him.

I told her I was disappointed in her and felt like she chose to stay with him and she apologised for letting me down but I feel like at this point I should just walk away. Is it even worth confronting this anymore? I'm more highly-valued by others who only have interest in me, which is why I just feel so taken back by this, as this is the girl who I'm putting my time and emotions into and whilst her words reciprocate so, her actions do not.

Been dating this girl for 3-4 weeks now, we've only been on one date which was a bit of a disaster as she self-sabotaged the whole thing presumably out of fear of messing up, as she later said she may have bpd/is worried she will go crazy and didn't want to ruin things.

Both the last two times, she had genuinely been in a mental health spiral and of course dates were put off, however this time around, I had a big live show - I'm a musician and this meant a lot to me, and she knew this, I covered her ticket and she said she would try and see me, she just had to go shopping for a dress for an event beforehand, I know this is true.

Thirty minutes before it starts, I'm first on, I message her and she says she's with her friend - he's this male close friend of hers, who to be honest I don't feel insecure about in a way of 'value' in any regard, it's just their boundaries are weird with him having her phone password for example, anyways, point is she said she was out with him in the city (where I was) and wouldn't be able to bring him (presumably due to extended drama/taboo stuff, it's a whole thing, I know that). The thing is, she was literally a few minutes away and knew beforehand about all of this, and could have easily said anything to just come see me and chose to stay with him.

I told her I was disappointed in her and felt like she chose to stay with him and she apologised for letting me down but I feel like at this point I should just walk away. Is it even worth confronting this anymore? I'm more highly-valued by others who only have interest in me, which is why I just feel so taken back by this, as this is the girl who I'm putting my time and emotions into and whilst her words reciprocate so, her actions do not.

Basically been talking online for about two weeks, everything about us syncs up in an uncanny way from interests to communication, it's perfect - I hit her up on social media as she is a mutual with me and I did a pickup line inspired from a game we love and from there for two weeks we talked and attached ourselves closely using pet names and planning other future dates and how we would work moving into (presumably a relationship?) etc etc.

First date rolls around and she immediately acts completely different, like a whole new person and coming off as her trying to distance herself by being cold and sort of intentionally gross? like explicitly. I sort of let it go but she wouldn't even hug me despite all the chatting about wanting to kiss me so bad before meeting.

Anyways, I confronted her gently about it just saying I'm still really interested in her etc, and if this is something she actually wants to pursue as I'm serious about it. Her reply was essentially just about romantic feelings only developing from knowing each other as friends first, yet - she acted like we were already together before we even met and met mutual feelings of closeness and intimacy.

Do I even entertain this? I want to believe her it's just a weird setback coming from the attachment she had and was giving prior. I said I'd like to take it slow it's just being straight with her, I do eventually want a relationship.

Tl:dr: Met a girl online, perfect match in every single way - became attached, when meeting in person, she immediately acts nothing alike and wants to be friends first before developing feelings.

Basically been talking online for about two weeks, everything about us syncs up in an uncanny way from interests to communication, it's perfect - I hit her up on social media as she is a mutual with me and I did a pickup line inspired from a game we love and from there for two weeks we talked and attached ourselves closely using pet names and planning other future dates and how we would work moving into (presumably a relationship?) etc etc.

First date rolls around and she immediately acts completely different, like a whole new person and coming off as her trying to distance herself by being cold and sort of intentionally gross? like explicitly. I sort of let it go but she wouldn't even hug me despite all the chatting about wanting to kiss me so bad before meeting.

Anyways, I confronted her gently about it just saying I'm still really interested in her etc, and if this is something she actually wants to pursue as I'm serious about it. Her reply was essentially just about romantic feelings only developing from knowing each other as friends first, yet - she acted like we were already together before we even met and met mutual feelings of closeness and intimacy.

Do I even entertain this? I want to believe her it's just a weird setback coming from the attachment she had and was giving prior. I said I'd like to take it slow it's just being straight with her, I do eventually want a relationship.

To make it clear, I hit this girl up with a pickup line on social media as we are mutuals over a shared interest game, we had played the game together also and spent over a week chatting daily and her being obsessed with me and me mutually being engaged the same. It was clear with pet names and planning a relationship was to happen.

Her whole texting style is very excited and loving and she seemed really attached to me - all my pictures on social media are me - she knew what she was expecting.

The thing is she genuinely seemed like the most sweetest and loving girl with us having an insanely uncanny amount of shared history and interests, even planning out the next few weeks - using pet names and basically establishing a relationship already.

I saw her today, first date, she came and acted completely different, 180’ trying to gross me out intentionally the first time and scare me away essentially and acting weird in contrast to how she was online, she also avoided physical proximity multiple times when offered to be close and brought me to her own spot instead of my planned one. The thing is she hyped up wanting to kiss me multiple times, yet would freeze with a hug…

I feel really heartbroken and disappointed as I do still genuinely care about her and want something with her but she seems so unphased and uncaring towards me in person and even said she didn’t think I was real in terms of how kind I was and how interested I was in her - and when I asked if she was serious with what she said to me all before the date she went awkward and said yes but, before stumbling over words.

I want to just let her know I don’t want to spend time and energy into her if she is going to disregard it and not be interested. I have the self-respect for that, but I still genuinely care about her and want something but this is has all crushed me in a way.

All I’ve got is a message of her thanking me for meeting her.

tl;dr (person of interest?) acted completely loving and attached before flipping that in person on our first date from the get-go, help!