u/SignificanceCrazy344

Hello,

I’ve attached my chart and my husbands chart. It was a love marriage but things are turning ugly. Dated for pretty long time but when I got married I did not recognise the person (rahu issue). Petty issues, control issues from his side, dominating nature, ego issues. I hava high tone not a harsh one and so does he so our arguments turn ugly. I left my career , family, friends & I’m doing exactly what they expect me to do. MIL controls son and he controls me. But I’m a human I get frustrated too specially when there’s no reciprocation. I want to ask few things-

1. Am I the villain here? I’m made feel guilty about my attitude and non adjusting nature but I’ve always been introverted and non sensical person. I don’t like to be controlled and like things my way for myself. I mind my business & I don’t like to be forced. Everything opposite is happening to me.

2. Is separation inevitable? - I am so emotionally attached and drained. Every argument every 5 days I’m crying. I know I can leave and go but I’m not able to make the decision. I feel like something is stopping me. I feel stuck. I want to answer back sometimes draw boundaries but something is blocking me. I just cry all time. Why am I so emotionally heavy?

3. My career - I had a good career , well paying job which I left to move with my husband to different country. And I never had any issue switching jobs but now even though the job is 100% match I get rejected. It’s been 11 months now. Is there any job prospect for me this year.

We are visiting in laws in a couple of days and I’m scared. I know I have a feeling I’ll be emotionally dragged and I’m not ready. I fear something might happen. How do I avoid it? It’s just that I feel everything bad is happening at once with me. Job loss, partner issue, family issue, loneliness, fear, stress. Not one thing seems to be working. Also I have health issues too so that area is also taken.

Please guide.

I really need some outside perspective because I genuinely feel like I’ve been living in an illusion.

I met my husband in 2017. We dated for almost 8 years. He was sweet, shy, respectful, cooked for me, never controlled what I wore, and seemed very open-minded. The only thing he ever mentioned was that his parents were conservative and I’d have to dress modestly around them, which I was okay with.

I’m from Delhi (Bihari family), and he’s Punjabi but raised outside India. My parents initially opposed the marriage, but eventually agreed.

Everything changed after his parents got involved in 2024. His mother wasn’t happy that I was Bihari, and suddenly we started fighting over things we’d never argued about before. He wanted me to stop going on trips with friends, expected me to gift gold to his parents, wanted the wedding entirely on his family’s terms despite my family paying for almost everything, and constantly justified everything by saying, “This is how it’s done.”

We got married in November 2025. I even quit my job because he wanted me to spend a month with his family before we moved abroad.

Within days of the wedding:

• He refused to hug me because he was upset the wedding had gone “my way.”
• I was told to call my MIL every day, but when I asked him to ask his mother to call mine regarding wedding rituals, he said, “Why should she?”
• They pressured me to drop my surname completely because “you’re part of this family now.” I refused and wanted to keep both surnames.
• I was pressured multiple times to gift gold to my MIL. When I refused, it became a family discussion involving my FIL as well.
• Every disagreement became a family meeting. We couldn’t even have private conversations because he never shut our bedroom door and would shout loudly enough for everyone to hear.

Living with my in-laws was exhausting. My MIL monitored how long I spoke to my parents, complained if I called my sister, expected me to prioritize only their family, commented on my clothes, opened my suitcase to inspect what I was taking abroad, even opened things I’d bought from the market (including thermal innerwear) in front of my FIL, and expected me to show them everything I purchased.

Whenever I called my parents at night after finishing all the housework, she’d deliberately start working in the kitchen so my husband would tell me to get off the phone because “Mummy is alone.”

After only 20 days of marriage, they held a family meeting and blamed everything on me, saying I wasn’t ready for marriage, wanted to be alone, and was too attached to my family. This hurt because before marriage I’d spent a year calling my MIL regularly, involving my parents, and making every effort to include them. None of that was ever reciprocated.

Eventually I went back to my parents’ home while waiting for my UK visa. My husband delayed my visa process, so instead of arriving in January 2026 as planned, I only got it in April.

During those four months:

• I called him every day. He never called me first.
• Conversations lasted 2-3 minutes because he’d say he had nothing to talk about.
• He never asked how I was doing.
• Instead, he’d tell me to buy better clothes, whiten my teeth, get new glasses, improve my skin, and basically “upgrade” myself.

When my UK visa was approved, he didn’t even tell me. My FIL accidentally informed me. My husband never messaged or called to congratulate me, and later blamed me for not asking him.

When I moved to the UK, nothing improved.

He started criticizing my clothes, telling me what was “appropriate” for a married woman. One day he made me change a dress that was slightly above my knees, even though he had never had an issue with my clothes before marriage. He admitted, “Now you’re married.”

He expected me to call his mother and sister regularly but refused to call my parents, saying he’d do it “in his own sweet time.”

My MIL even asked me to change my WhatsApp display picture because it wasn’t “bahu appropriate.” I used to enjoy making Instagram reels, but my husband called them childish and immature, so I ended up deactivating my account.

The hardest part is that I don’t recognize the man I dated for eight years. It feels like the moment we got married, he became exactly like his parents. He has never stood up for me once. Every conflict has been me versus his entire family.

Now my MIL is planning to come stay with us in the UK this year, and I honestly feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Is any of this normal? Has anyone experienced someone changing this drastically after marriage, or was I simply ignoring red flags for years?

Hi Everyone!

I need to get SMS otp from banks and while filing tax. Is there a cheapest plan available? I saw yearly plan in this sub for 5k but I don’t really need otp and SMS too often. Only for tax filing purposes i need it. Suggest some cheapest plan? Also the 118 plan is not visible to me.

Hello!

I gave my online assessment yesterday for the Risk Compliance Manager – Amazon Business Payments & Lending role. Today, I received an email inviting me for a phone interview.

Would this typically be with HR/recruiter or the Hiring Manager?

Also, interview anxiety and imposter syndrome are definitely kicking in. Even when I know my work well, I tend to blank out or fumble during interviews. How should I prepare for this round?

Any tips on getting through the phone interview successfully? What kind of questions should I expect specifically for this role?