u/Significant_Jump_272

Im trying to see if i could be approved for a mortgage on a house in Alberta.

My credit score is 737, no debt but i work 2 part time jobs... (one is newer but im past the 3 month probation) and with both, i average about 48hrs at $15.25 an hour. I can put a downpayment of 130,000.

Apparently thats horrible haha. I would love it if my dad didnt have to cosign with me because the goal is independence right.

How does this situation look for me? Horrible?

So, he told me that someone saw me and my boyfriend hanging out at the mall. Well, actually he refused to give me specific info but I'm assuming it was at the mall. I denied. Said some bullshit like "that might not have been me." "I run into work people all the time". He chose to believe me though.

For a split second i thought of just telling him yeah. But. I didn't.

Then we talked about lots of stuff. I told him that I'd never have the jw opinion of worldly people. I complained about the gov body, gave my opinion, i told him that i wouldn't follow anything they said because why should i when anything can change tmmrw?

He told me to forget about the articles and the governing body, to focus on the bible and Jehovah.

Ofc i argued that in this religion you can't do that. But he said that the main focus should be the bible. Not some article.

Mkay...

I finally asked him if there was ever a choice. What would have happened if i never got baptized. He said as long as I'm going to meetings then it's fine. So i rephrased and asked "okay well what if i never took to the truth?"

He said, "How could i live you when you don't even live my god". I said that made no sense.

He then proceeded to tell me that he's still talk to me and still love me but we wouldn't hang out as much. That's fair.

He wants to me study with him. I said that seems like a bad idea because he's too close to the situation. Told him that we'd argue and then he'd feel like a failure if i still didn't come to the same conclusions.

He said that's fine and that we can revisit topics as needed. So i asked "okay well when does that end though?" Is just a cycle.

He said that God doesn't give up on people and parents don't give up on their kids.

I said okay. Oh also, he said that I'm thinking negatively which is making me take things out of context. Like during the convention i made a point that 2 talks completely contradicted eachother. He said no, it's about the context and that I'm just trying to find issues. Maybe he's a bit right? Maybe i ammmm just looking for issues alot. But i know that there ARE issues.

HE ALSO SAID that we were always allowed to use our own blood for transfusions. Just not store it. I said, "Well, we can now". Then i got confused lol.

Went to my bfs house after lol. I felt good kinda? I was honest about my feelings with the org. At least, if/ when i leave, it won't come as too much of a surprise. He's not stupid. He knows i have a bf im sure. Hes just not pushing too hard for some strange reason (and believe me, he's super pimi. He's a elder).

Anyway idk

UPDATE: HE SENT A TEXT THIS MORNING. "Find me 1 account where someone went against bible principles and things went well for them"

Then he sent like 10+ scriptures about why we shouldnt yolk ourselves with worldy people. I dont think i can successfully argue with that one. Just cuz yeah, if you follow the bible then theres no dating wordly people. But i wanna do what i wanna do. Idk how to tell him that tho

EDIT: yeah title is supposed to say "My" .

So the bus ride in was fine but stressful. I've spent the first (and only) day volunteering and oh boy. I was so annoyed that i canceled my last shift and just went back to the hotel.

It seems like everyone's the same. They're all SO extroverted. But since im not, then they won't even make an effort to include me in conversation. But they loveeee including shy kids. Idk. I was just so annoyed. We were meeting deligates, and i was actually standing there for like 15 mins. Just standing. Listening into conversations that i wasnt apart of. And there was no way to be a part of them because they were about very specific things. The only time i was acknowledged? To take pictures for everyone.

All the smiling and ugh. Ughhhh.

Anyway.

I did my part. I was scheduled for back to back shifts, but i seriously dont think i could've handled any more conversations where i have to lie to everyone about how amazing everything has been so far. So i canceled my last shift.

But everyone's happy, and yknow what- good for them. I'm glad its going well for them.

I just personally can't wait until this is over.

So I (f22) have a neighbor that i pay to mow my lawn! (M38) He's autistic so can't hold down a job so i was like "sure! I'll just pay him to mow my lawn every 2 weeks".

It's been good and he does a great job. The only issue is that sometimes he'll text me and ask random questions. My bf says its most likely just normal for him to ask people random stuff. I dont mind answering questions but I've brought up the fact that i have a bf like 1000000 times lol.

He responds with a "right on!" And then proceeds to continue flirting ig?

I sorta assumed he would stop after the whole bf thing but i guess not.

How should i go about this? Do i..just completely stop replying to his texts that arent about the job?

The problem is that i wanna be a good neighbor and it's important to have good relationships with people. BUT i.. yeah idk. Ive never dealt with this before.

Guys.. in the jw belief, we die --> wait to be judged by god(or jesus idc) ---> yay god likes me ---> ressurected in paradise!

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Or, you're alive ----> uh.. the time comes (like a thief in the night ofc)----> everyone around u starts dying-----> u get spared and get to turn the world into paradise!

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So what is up with 1 thess 4: 16,17????

And why have i never read it before?!

For context, i dont live with my parents but I'm still relying on their help.

I have a bf whom i plan to marry in the future and Im..not.. into the whole jw thing anymore. I just cant make sense of it anymore.

I finally got off the pioneer list! Baby steps!

But ive been working 2 jobs back to back to get myself in a better financial situation.

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Thing is, my dad owns his own business. He wants me to help take over so that he can retire. It pays really well...

But.. i know that when the truth comes out about my bf and my double life, he'll lose it. I think? Anyway he'll be super mad and even worse when i tell him im not ending things with my bf.

So, should i continue working full days for weeks on end? Or take the job?

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So i have to be there lol. Ooooof. My dad talked to me to make sure i was going. Here's just some of the things he said.

"Remember the little bit of shame you'll feel today when they announce you and understand that it'll be ten times worse if you actually do something stupid that gets you removed."

"Just wait until after I die to do stupid things. You dont want to be the reason why i die sooner because of stress you caused."

Mind you, this is JUST an announcement saying I'm not a regular pioneer anymore.

Sighhhhhhh. Wish me luckkkkk!

EDIT: If i didnt like or reply to your comment it's cuz reddit is choosing to not show certain comments. Idk why????

I had my meeting with the elders and told them i was basically done regular pioneering. It helps that my dad's an elder and had already told them ahead of time and said that he agreed.

They were so kind to me and told me i did i good job pioneering for the year. They offered help if i needed it and that was it. Brothers in the hall were sweet too and not judgmental like i thought they'd be. Ugh. A part of me wishes it was this big horrible situation but im also very glad that it wasnt. Idk im confused lol anyway! Lots more time to deconstruct!

Its a VERY SMALL win though since I'm auxiliary pioneering in june lmaooo but hey, a win is a win.

How did you guys keep yourself tethered to reality when the love bombing came around? Its so hard to feel like its a cult when almost everyone feels like they're being genuine. And they ARE probably being genuine. Idk.

But yea! I won this battle but i know it'll take a bit of time for me to win the war lol.

Had our shepherding call last night and oh my god it really killed my mood. It was nothing crazy, just the usual "encouragement". We smiled and nodded.

It lasted almost 2 hours cuz the one brother loves talking. They commended me for being a regular pioneer and said it wasn't easy blah blah. Asked about goals and stuff.

Then i told my dad that i was sure i didnt want to regular pionner anymore. He called back 3 separate times to make sure i was REAAALLY sure about my decision. I said yep. He sent a message out to the elders for me, saying that he also supports the decision, which was nice of him. The only reason why he agreed is cuz we came to the conclusion that id regular auxiliary pioneer. So. It's. Progress? Co visit is coming up so that works out.

"Jehovahs witnesses can say that we've solved racism! Just come to one of our kingdom halls!"

This quote was said at our assembly. The look i exchanged with my sibling was priceless.

Like...huh?

Anyway, there were sooooo many things i hated about this one.

A brother gave an experience of being in a medical emergency. The only thing he was worried about was not being blood guilty by not giving the doctors a good witness. So sad.

So I've been thinking about what's keeping me in this religion OTHER than the obvious things (family, friends, financial situations...) and it hit me. It's the hope.

Now i get it, i know its never gonna come but i miss my mom so much. She was amazing. She was understanding and kind and alot like me when it came to seeing certain issues (though she never looked into it).

If she was alive right now, we'd be the bestest of friends even if i left this religion.

So, the thought of seeing her again makes me happy. How did you all deal with grief? Specially those of you who've come to the conclusion that there is no heaven and no paradise.

Isn't that just kinda awful? Like depressing. Like that's the point of anything. Idk.

I'd go to therapy, but I dont have the funds for it right now.

Im a baby witch and I've just recently decided to try spells!

The things ive done so far:

- Ive burned a candle for wealth (specifically job/our house selling). The next day we got an interested buyer and I've made amazing progress to getting a better job! Got my certification for it and now I'll basically be making more money.

-ive made a friendship jar for my brother. He has a very very hard time making friends so i made a jar, poured my intentions into it (among other things) and put it on his windowsill after cleansing his room. He found an pretty awesome group of people 2 days after.

-ive manifested motivation and luck with candles as well as overall peace.

But in the back of my mind, i dont feel like im actually doing it right? I havent really done many incantations.. i do carve my candles though.

Idk.

How do you know if you're doing it right? I also havent discarded any of my remaining spell ingredients yet. I havent buried anything because i heard that salt is bad for the environment. I havent flushed anything because of the melted candle wax. If i just keep everything, will it affect me negatively in the future?