u/Significant_Jump_272

So i have to be there lol. Ooooof. My dad talked to me to make sure i was going. Here's just some of the things he said.

"Remember the little bit of shame you'll feel today when they announce you and understand that it'll be ten times worse if you actually do something stupid that gets you removed."

"Just wait until after I die to do stupid things. You dont want to be the reason why i die sooner because of stress you caused."

Mind you, this is JUST an announcement saying I'm not a regular pioneer anymore.

Sighhhhhhh. Wish me luckkkkk!

EDIT: If i didnt like or reply to your comment it's cuz reddit is choosing to not show certain comments. Idk why????

I had my meeting with the elders and told them i was basically done regular pioneering. It helps that my dad's an elder and had already told them ahead of time and said that he agreed.

They were so kind to me and told me i did i good job pioneering for the year. They offered help if i needed it and that was it. Brothers in the hall were sweet too and not judgmental like i thought they'd be. Ugh. A part of me wishes it was this big horrible situation but im also very glad that it wasnt. Idk im confused lol anyway! Lots more time to deconstruct!

Its a VERY SMALL win though since I'm auxiliary pioneering in june lmaooo but hey, a win is a win.

How did you guys keep yourself tethered to reality when the love bombing came around? Its so hard to feel like its a cult when almost everyone feels like they're being genuine. And they ARE probably being genuine. Idk.

But yea! I won this battle but i know it'll take a bit of time for me to win the war lol.

Had our shepherding call last night and oh my god it really killed my mood. It was nothing crazy, just the usual "encouragement". We smiled and nodded.

It lasted almost 2 hours cuz the one brother loves talking. They commended me for being a regular pioneer and said it wasn't easy blah blah. Asked about goals and stuff.

Then i told my dad that i was sure i didnt want to regular pionner anymore. He called back 3 separate times to make sure i was REAAALLY sure about my decision. I said yep. He sent a message out to the elders for me, saying that he also supports the decision, which was nice of him. The only reason why he agreed is cuz we came to the conclusion that id regular auxiliary pioneer. So. It's. Progress? Co visit is coming up so that works out.

"Jehovahs witnesses can say that we've solved racism! Just come to one of our kingdom halls!"

This quote was said at our assembly. The look i exchanged with my sibling was priceless.

Like...huh?

Anyway, there were sooooo many things i hated about this one.

A brother gave an experience of being in a medical emergency. The only thing he was worried about was not being blood guilty by not giving the doctors a good witness. So sad.

So I've been thinking about what's keeping me in this religion OTHER than the obvious things (family, friends, financial situations...) and it hit me. It's the hope.

Now i get it, i know its never gonna come but i miss my mom so much. She was amazing. She was understanding and kind and alot like me when it came to seeing certain issues (though she never looked into it).

If she was alive right now, we'd be the bestest of friends even if i left this religion.

So, the thought of seeing her again makes me happy. How did you all deal with grief? Specially those of you who've come to the conclusion that there is no heaven and no paradise.

Isn't that just kinda awful? Like depressing. Like that's the point of anything. Idk.

I'd go to therapy, but I dont have the funds for it right now.

Im a baby witch and I've just recently decided to try spells!

The things ive done so far:

- Ive burned a candle for wealth (specifically job/our house selling). The next day we got an interested buyer and I've made amazing progress to getting a better job! Got my certification for it and now I'll basically be making more money.

-ive made a friendship jar for my brother. He has a very very hard time making friends so i made a jar, poured my intentions into it (among other things) and put it on his windowsill after cleansing his room. He found an pretty awesome group of people 2 days after.

-ive manifested motivation and luck with candles as well as overall peace.

But in the back of my mind, i dont feel like im actually doing it right? I havent really done many incantations.. i do carve my candles though.

Idk.

How do you know if you're doing it right? I also havent discarded any of my remaining spell ingredients yet. I havent buried anything because i heard that salt is bad for the environment. I havent flushed anything because of the melted candle wax. If i just keep everything, will it affect me negatively in the future?