u/Significant_Visit_21

Does anyone use a fitness tracker for high risk pregnancy? I know these are so common now, but I have never used a fitness watch and I am absolutely hopeless with technology. Im interested in keeping a log of things like heart rate, blood pressure, steps, etc. to track data for a high risk pregnancy. I am high risk for clots and PE and would like to catch warning signs. It would be nice if it had a time display but doesn't need to make calls or have a lot of bells and whistles. When tech is too complicated I tend to get overwhelmed and not use it. I also don't have loads of money to spend on a watch, so looking for something basic on the cheaper end. Does anyone have recommendations for a watch that worked well for pregnancy health tracking?

The hormonal mood swings are hitting hard today. I'm 7 weeks and haven't told anyone. I've been spotting off and on for a week, I go in for a scan in a couple days. It has been a real roller coaster. I'm coming to terms with whatever happens, happens. But the whole thing has me reflecting on life in a big existential way.

How do you cope with the big pregnancy feelings? Not necessarily feelings about the pregnancy, but hormone fueled BIG FEELS about life? It started with worrying about introducing a new baby to my teenager, and all the scary ways it could go bad. Will my teen hate me, or feel neglected or replaced? Then worry about whether I will even still be pregnant a month or a week from now, and how long I have to wait to feel like the pregnancy is stable enough to tell people. I don't want to tell people and then have to turn around and tell them next week that I miscarried.

Today I got hit with a big urge to reach out to my sister. We don't hate each other, but we're not close, even though we live 20 minutes apart. I don't have any close girl friends to talk to. I don't have any mom friends. The village-less-ness really hit me today. I've often grieved for not having a relationship with my sister that I would have liked. Her life is perfect. She has a *very* fancy job, 5 kids and lives in a big million dollar farmhouse in the country and posts insta perfect pictures all the time. We cross paths sometimes, but honestly I think I'm in the wrong tax bracket for my sister to be seen openly socializing with me. Ive had a lot of grief that I dont have a sister to talk to, and that my lonely only child doesn't really know her cousins that well even though they live so close. We are never invited for playdates or birthday parties or dinner parties, my sister has a team of her own found family mom friends for that who can socialize on her upper class level. The grief really hit me again today when I wanted so badly to have a sister to talk to, and then started reflecting on how lonely it will be to have a new baby without a village.

I've been ugly crying for an hour. I'm usually very level headed and reasonable, so i don't even know how to handle myself when hormones take the wheel.

Trigger warning.......

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Its been a rough week. I just need to talk to someone. Im 40, and about 7 weeks pregnant. No one except my husband knows I'm pregnant, and now my supervisor at work due to necessity.

I've just had a sense of doom this whole pregnancy due to my age. Then, four days ago, I had some spotting. About the size of a quarter in my underwear, and brownish/pinkish when I wiped. I freaked out, of course. Tried to calm myself down by reading about how this can be normal and not necessarily cause for alarm. By the next morning, the spotting had stopped. Tried to go to work the next day and just wait and see. But I couldn't focus, and ended up leaving early so I could call the doctor.

I can't call my Dr's office directly, the phone tree routes me to an advice nurse probably working out of a call center in another state. The person on the phone was awful. She was clearly following a prompt script.

Q: why are you calling?

A: I am pregnant, but I don't have my first scan until next week and I started seeing brownish pink spotting last night around 9pm.

Q: ok, and what color was it?

A: .... brownish pink

Q: and what time was this at?

A: ........... 9pm

Q: and have you had a scan yet for this pregnancy?

A: .............ma'am....

And on like that. I started crying on the phone and the person snapped at me to repeat myself and kept impatiently asking if I was still there when I was sobbing too hard for words. She did not once ask me if I was alright or suggest a phone number for mental health services or anything. It would have been just as easy to ask chatgpt. But eventually she gave me an appointment for the following afternoon. Apparently the call center advice nurse is the gatekeeper for appointments if I need to see my doctor for any reason between routine appointments. I hate Kaiser.

I took the rest of the day off, the advice nurse upset me so much. I tried to go to work again the following day before my afternoon appointment, but about 30 min after I got in I started spotting again, this time darker and thicker. I freaked out again, and went home to wait until my appointment.

I was 100% ready for bad news at the appointment. I was starting to prepare myself and mentally get ready. I was mentally making plans for work and childcare for my living child, so i could take the rest of the week off for a miscarriage. But, the scan was fine. The dr saw cardiac activity and fetal pole measuring appropriately. She shrugged off the spotting and said to just keep waiting until my next scan.

I went home with tentative hope.

Then, today, about 48 hrs after the last spotting, I saw spotting again. I can't handle this. Every time I use the bathroom I am terrified to look. Every time I see color on the toilet paper I spiral and mentally start preparing for how to get myself to the ER and how to tell my work and how to organize childcare. I can't focus at work. I feel like I'm just waiting to start gushing blood at any moment. Im bouncing between tentative hope when its been 12-24 hrs without spotting, to plunging back to doom and grief.

I finished out my work day this time, still minor spotting throughout the day. But I don't see the point of calling the advice nurse again. I wish I could talk to my doctor. I guess I just have to wait until I start bleeding more. I don't know how to function like this. How do I just go about my day and go to work and take care of my living child? Honestly I wish my body would just get it over with. If I am going to experience loss, I want it to just happen all at once so I can heal and process grief. This drawn out business isn't fair. How long is my body going to keep me in suspense?

I don't even really have anyone to talk to. My husband is going through his own emotional struggle, and no one else knows, not even our teenage daughter. Thats the worst, because I have to keep my emotions together even at home so my daughter isn't freaked out. This sucks.

Im about 6ish weeks pregnant. My dr won't schedule appointments before 7.5 weeks, so I haven't had a scan. Two nights ago, I had terrible GI problems, with light headed headedness, stomach cramping and diarrhea. I've been very bloated and backed up with this pregnancy, and hormonal changes in my bowel movements aren't unusual for me. At the time of the gut problems, I had no bleeding.

The following evening, I saw watery brownish/reddish discharge on my underwear, and pinkish/watery discharge on toilet paper. I also feel like my pregnancy symptoms aren't as strong, but im not sure if im getting in my head or not. I am definitely a lot less bloated since the spotting. I just feel less pregnant, which is honestly more alarming than the spotting. I also haven't really had much nausea this whole pregnancy, which is worrying. Im also 40, so my miscarriage risk is high, and ive just had a weird feeling this whole pregnancy that something wasnt right.

Im trying to be level headed, and I read up on spotting, and medical consensus seems to be that spotting isn't a cause for alarm. I decided to go to work this morning and wait to see if the spotting came back or any new symptoms started. But I couldn't focus at work and decided to call the Dr because I don't think i can be functional until I have peace of mind or know for sure.

The advice nurse was very cold and snappy. I was sobbing on the phone and could barely get words out and she kept snapping at me to repeat myself. I begged for an earlier appointment. She told me there was nothing to worry about and its all normal, and kind of treated me like I was wasting her time. But she did give me an appointment for tomorrow. I was really hoping to get seen today. I don't know how I am going to keep it together for the next 24 hrs without knowing. At what point do you go to the ER?

I was 25 when I had my first child, I am now 40 and pregnant again. My pregnancy with my daughter was smooth and perfect. I felt awful, but everything was normal and healthy. She was born naturally with no medication just a couple days before her due date. I had a water birth with a midwife, labored for around 6 hrs and when it was time to push she was out on the second push. She was almost 9 lbs. I want to expect a similar pregnancy and birth experience this time around, but I am terrified of complications related to my age. Is it basically inevitable to have complications getting pregnant and giving birth in your 40s? Im terrified of preterm birth, getting induced, or needing a c-section. I had my prenatal bloodwork done, but havent had my first scan yet. Bloodwork looked normal except I am a hair under the line for pre-diabetes. I want a natural birth so bad, and im trying to prepare myself with realistic expectations. My husband and I are both tall, and big babies run on both sides. All the boys in my family were 10+ lbs, and my husband was 10 lbs at birth. Should I be expecting this pregnancy to be a lot different than my first? Any mom's here have a natural/smooth pregnancy and delivery in your 40s, especially with big babies? Help me get mentally prepared.

Im having so much anxiety. Im 40, and I know 40 is not that different from 39, but im really letting myself spiral about all the info out that that tells you your body just falls off a cliff on your 40th birthday. Im having anxiety about every possible thing. The last two days my specific anxiety has been about miscarriage.

Around what I think was 3ish weeks, I noticed sensitivity to smells and very brief moments of nausea. Around 4ish weeks I felt super bloated with tender breasts. Im now Around 5-6 weeks I think. The last two nights, I have laid in bed just spiraling at the thought of miscarriage. Last night, I just felt kind of fine, less bloated, no nausea, no strong symptoms at all. I just didn't feel pregnant. I also had lower back pain, similar to back pain I get before my period. I couldnt hardly sleep. Then I woke up in the morning feeling pregnant again. Tired, full belly feeling, sore breasts. I have not had strong nausea or food aversions this whole time. I also haven't had strong cravings or hunger. Then, again this evening, I am having that "not pregnant" feeling. I fell down a rabbit hole a bit reading about silent miscarriage and I had to step away from google.

I know exactly what the textbook advice is. Every pregnancy is different, that's normal, blah blah blah. Go to the doctor, wait for your scan. I have a Dr appointment tomorrow, and because Kaiser is awful, they make you jump through a maze of intake hoops before they let you schedule a real appointment. I have a phone intake tomorrow, where I assume they will ask me health history questions. I am going to beg them to get me in person ASAP. Knowing kaiser, I wouldn't be surprised if they make me wait a week to schedule a phone call so I can talk to someone about scheduling a follow up phone call with someone who can actually schedule a real appointment.

I just need someone to talk to me with real personal experiences. 😭

I just found out im pregnant, about 5-6 weeks along, and I am freaking out about the possibility of twins. I know its an unfounded fear at the point. I did not go through any fertility treatments. I have one living child and have had several pregnancies, and this pregnancy feels very different. A few days before my missed period, I couldn't button my pants. It was very different from normal menstrual period bloating. I have always had early bloating in pregnancy, but this is more intense. All of my symptoms feel more like 8-12 weeks compared to past pregnancies. Im up 2 bra sizes and already only fitting in maternity pants or very stretchy sweatpants. My belly looks visibly pregnant. Not bloated and squishy, but full and heavy that i can't suck in or squeeze into normal clothes, and im having what feels like those uncomfortable but not painful stretching twinges that I can't remember feeling with past pregnancies until 10+ weeks. Ive been avoiding seeing family and friends in person because im not ready to announce yet, but my whole body feels at least a month or two more pregnant than I should be, and im pretty certain of the dates. I know every pregnant woman thinks "what if its twins" and every pregnancy is different, but i can't ease my mind. Any ladies who had twins after singleton pregnancies care to share your experience? Is this just normal for being pregnant at 40? Did you have different symptoms, show your belly earlier, or generally feel like pregnancy hit you like a truck being pregnant in you 40s compared to earlier pregnancies?

Trigger warning (?) For semi-unplanned pregnancy and conflicting feelings. I think i just need to dump a little of my life story and hear some kind words.

So, I'm currently about 6 weeks pregnant. Im turning 40 in a couple months, and im not sure i have really fully come to terms with things. My husband and I both have one previous child from other marriages, this is our first together. His son is getting ready for college and my daughter is just starting high school.

I had my daughter really young, when I wasnt really ready, and the whole pregnancy/toddler/childhood period was really rough with a lot of financial insecurity, stress and a whole ton of mom guilt. I've always kind of absently daydreamed about getting another chance to really soak up all those moments. But, my career and finances have never been in the right place, and I probably have some anxiety and trauma from the first time around, so I never felt ready. When I think about it with my heart, I love the idea of another baby. When I think about it logically, I know its a ton of stress and starting over.

My husband has always wanted another baby, but doesn't pressure me and is fine either way. When I was around 35, still not with a solid career and still renting our home and locked out of home ownership after covid, i started to come to terms with not ever having more kids. I went through a lot of grief but also knew it was the most sensible thing. I even started to really enjoy my daughter becoming a teenager and being able to really share time with her in a more grown up way, and getting more independence and time to myself. Six months ago I was daydreaming about becoming an empty nester in a few years and finding myself again. Also, the same week I found out I was pregnant, the landlord informed us he's raising the rent, again.

I had my daughter really young, pretty much still a kid myself. Being young and pregnant, and being a young mom, I felt really left out from my friends and peers. It was a tough and lonely time, but also really special and magical. But because of how tough it was, I had a kind of failure to launch in my own life. I worked whatever jobs I could find that would accommodate school and childcare, never really built a career or followed my dreams, still live in the town I grew up in even though I hate it. I never really found my own identity. Now that my daughter is getting older, ive been talking to her about college and following her dreams, and im so excited for her to have the growth and independence I missed out on in my 20s. I was kind of getting excited to have my own midlife crisis when she goes to college, and try new things, start hobbies, change careers, move to a new town, and generally do things for *me* at last.

I love babies, and when I look at pictures or reflect on my daughter's early years, I feel such a bittersweet feeling. I wish I could go back and re-live those days. I want to push her on the swing and brush her hair and cut the crust off sandwiches and read all the picture books. I do feel really excited when I think about another chance. I want to find mommy friends and join a social group and pick out baby names. But at the same time im also filled with grief for the prospect of starting all over this late in life. I have very conflicting feelings.

When my daughter was little, she was so lonely. I know she would have loved a brother or sister. But now, she will be going to college when the new baby starts kindergarten, and I worry that being busy with a new baby will hurt my relationship with her, when I only have a few years left before she's all grown up.

The landlord is raising the rent again. There's nowhere to go. We are locked out of homeownership unless we move far away to a cheaper area. We live in a 800sf home that is across the street from my daughter's new school. She is so excited to be able to walk to school. But there is no room in the house for a baby and no money for a bigger house.

Talk to me about having a new baby with a teenager in the house. What is it like to start over and juggle the BIG milestones of toddler hood and sending your oldest off to college at the same time? How do you talk to a teenager just starting the very stressful time of high school about a new baby and maybe having to move? Can anyone relate to conflicting feelings of joy and grief?

Does any one else get the "false belly" as an early pregnancy sign? I havent actually taken a pregnancy test yet, but my extremely regular period is almost two weeks late. With previous pregnancies, I got a big bloated belly around or even a day or two before my missed period. Its always different than other bloating I've had from hormones or indigestion. Its so unique that's its been my main clue in past pregnancies. I literally look like the stock photos of a "normal" belly at 4 months. Kind of annoying/embarassing when I'm not emotionally or socially at terms with being pregnant again just yet. I know this is not due to uterus size and is just early hormones and bloating, but dang its so different than other regular hormonal bloating. Anyone else?

I have a very specific fiction itch to scratch. I was really drawn to the Kind Aurthur stories when I was younger, and read such stories as Mists of Avalon and The Once and Future King. Recently I read The Buried Giant and really loved the surreal, magical, dreamlike feel of the book. I also recently watched The Green Knight and re-read the poem. I'm looking for more recommendations of stories with a general Aurthurian vibe that touch on the magical, uncanny or surreal feelings. I'm not as interested in traditional "brave knight has glorious adventure" vibes, but more stories that incorporate those Old Magic vibes. I hope that makes sense!

Im looking for book recommendations. I love sci fi and specifically love BIG CONCEPT sci-fi that really makes you ponder and challenges your perspective. I love dream state concepts, weird and surreal, that kind of thing. I also like hard sci fi, but generally only when its well written and ties in all kind of allegory and symbolism. Also open to weird and surreal fiction with philosophical themes that aren't strictly sci-fi. Some of my favorites:

Adrian Tchaicovsky - literally anything he has written, but especially his stand alone works like Shroud, Alien Clay, Cage of Souls, Service Model

Ursula k. Le Guin - all of it

Kurt Vonnegut - everything, but especially Sirens of Titan, maybe my all time favorite book

Philip K Dick - all of it, but Ubik is a favorite

Murakami - everything

China Mieville - Embassytown, Kraken

Joanna Clarke - Piranesi

There are more, but those are the handful that come to mind.

Im looking for recommendations for a physical printed book about aquarium care for a teenager. My daughter has had a few fish tanks for a while, a 20 gallon and a small 5 gallon. The 20 gallon had some guppies and mollies and the 5 gallon had a betta. The fish have all died, probably because of some mistake we were making over time. She has kept her aquariums running with some live plants, but no creatures. She is a very bright and motivated kid, very interested in doing research and learning how to keep the aquarium herself, but both of us get very overwhelmed with combing through message boards and trying to learn. My kid loves books, especially science type books. I'd like to get her a few information books so she can feel like she is well informed and in control of the process. She is easily capable of understanding books for adults. Recommendations for reputable websites are also welcome, but we'd like to avoid getting all our answers from message boards or social media groups - not that theres anything wrong with that, just that it can be overwhelming.

Now that summer vacation is starting, my kid is interested in cleaning her aquariums and getting ready to reintroduce fish. She is a very meticulous kid, and probably won't feel ready to add fish for weeks or months, until she feels she has properly cycled the aquarium and has done all her research, and has established the perfect water quality balance.

Some specific areas of interest and/or areas we have struggled with:

Water quality - testing, adjusting, maintaining

Filtration options - UV sterilizer? Types of filters?

Keeping live plants - species, substrate, fertilizer?

Selecting the right fish species

ALGAE!

And, general trouble shooting of common problems.

General advice for our situation is also welcomed, but books or resources are especially helpful! Thank you!