u/SilkySnow11

Same as title, duhh

Same as title

Consistent.

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After constant overthinking and analysing, I have arrived finally at conclusion that this is what I lack. The consistent efforts. The thing that I hate the most about it right now is that I am aware of it and yet find myself unable to take any significant actions on it.

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Talking about my background, I'm in my second year of bachelors, and have started studying for UPSC in basic little steps. I think that this might not be the subreddit where this would be efficient to post about, but I'll take my chance.

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Here is one of the things I have observed about myself over time :

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I work well in pressure. I get exhausted at the end of the day, but when my schedule is packed tight then I use my time more efficiently and productively rather than wasting it blandly.

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Back in my class 10th, I had school from morning to 2 pm, followed with coaching from 4:30 pm to 7:30 pm, and I - without any choice - would have to bring myself to study at 2 am until night. It felt good, when one reaches the comfort of bed at 2 am. The tiredness. A little part of brain would say, there you go - you have been productive, and now you can rest in comfort of bed.

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Fast foward to now, I have college until 2 pm. I don't take absences, I'm pretty much regular — haven't bunked once in college, congratulations to me! I'd come home afterwards, rest until 4 pm, use phone until around 5 pm, and study until 10 pm. Occasionally upto 2 am on days of high adrenaline, or exam days. Occasionally wasting whole days on doing nothing, in measure of around a week in month (and that's a lot!). I wasn't doing any prep in my first year, so it was chill.

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But there was no good feeling when you'd go to bed. I know I was being unproductive. I was... too easy on myself, I think.

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Now from next week my second year is about to start, and I want to improve myself. I will have to study. I will have to be productive. I had arrived at conclusion in January this year that I would get a part time job, so it'd build some good pressure. So I would start valuing my time. But I think that is not going to happen anymore. I had tried to get a job in tution as teacher — as a woman, this is better than other jobs, I'd reckon — but neither I was genuinely interested in teaching, nor I got the job I was attempting to find. The pay isn't good either. How can one not budge from 1000 a month for teaching maths and science to 5th to 8th students? I find it injustified, to be blunt. That is too low.

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The professors at college are chill. They do not ask us to study much. My parents are chill. They say do as much as you can. But witnessing the economic condition, I think I'd need to find a job soon. And about asking them to keep an eye on me and make sure I study, that kind of 'pressure' wouldn't work on me because I, unfortunately, will wit my way out of that 'scoldings' and 'schedule' sooner or later.

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Back to the point, I have attempted to do as much as I can. I have observed another thing about me, that is I would start studying out of 'discipline' for elongated time periods only if I watch some motivational videos in starting.... which is ironic, considering that is NOT what discipline is. That's just influence, I think? I do not think that'd be help me on long run. Knowing myself, I will loose interest in that soon.

​

That's all I have to vent out. Would appreciate thoughts, help, and any kind of constructive criticism.

​

TL;DR : Need help on how to get yourself to study. Classic problem.

Consistent.

After constant overthinking and analysing, I have arrived finally at conclusion that this is what I lack. The consistent efforts. The thing that I hate the most about it right now is that I am aware of it and yet find myself unable to take any significant actions on it.

Talking about my background, I'm in my second year of bachelors, and have also started preparing for competitive exams in basic little steps.

Here is one thing I have observed about myself over time:

I work well in pressure. I get exhausted at the end of the day, but when my schedule is packed tight then I use my time more efficiently and productively rather than wasting it blandly.

Back in my class 10th, I had school from morning to 2 pm, followed with coaching from 4:30 pm to 7:30 pm, and I - without any choice - would have to bring myself to study at 2 am until night. It felt good, when one reaches the comfort of bed at 2 am. The tiredness. A little part of brain would say, there you go - you have been productive, and now you can rest in comfort of bed.

Fast foward to now, I have college until 2 pm. I don't take absences, I'm pretty much regular - haven't bunked once in college, congratulations to me! I'd come home afterwards, rest until 4 pm, use phone until around 5 pm, and study until 10 pm. Occasionally upto 2 am on days of high adrenaline, or exam days. Occasionally wasting whole days on doing nothing, in measure of around a week in month (and that's a lot!). I wasn't doing any preparation for competive exams in my first year, so it was chill.

But there was no good feeling when you'd go to bed. I know I was being unproductive. I was... too easy on myself, I think.

Now from next week my second year is about to start, and I want to improve myself. I will have to study. I will have to be productive. I had arrived at conclusion in January this year that I would get a part time job, so it'd build some good pressure. So I would start valuing my time. But I think that is not going to happen anymore. I had tried to get a job in tution as teacher as a woman, this is better than other jobs, I'd reckon - but neither I was genuinely interested in teaching, nor I got the job I was attempting to find. The pay isn't good either. How can one not budge from 1000 ruppees a month for teaching both maths and science to 5th to 8th students? I find it injustified, to be blunt. That is too low.

The professors at college are chill. They do not ask us to study much. My parents are chill. They say do as much as you can. But witnessing the economic condition, I think I'd need to find a job soon. And about asking them to keep an eye on me and make sure I study, that kind of 'pressure' wouldn't work on me because I, unfortunately, will wit my way out of that 'scoldings' and 'schedule' sooner or later.

Back to the point, I have attempted to do as much as I can. I have observed another thing about me, that is I would start studying out of 'discipline' for elongated time periods only if I watch some motivational videos in starting.... which is ironic, considering that is NOT what discipline is. That's just influence, I think? I do not think that'd be help me on long run. Knowing myself, I will loose interest in that soon.

That's all I have to vent out. Would appreciate thoughts, help, and any kind of constructive criticism.

TL;DR: Need help on how to get yourself to study. Classic problem.