u/SillyCat-ESSA

For context, I'm 16 and I've known that I was trans since I was 12.

I've always been lucky that I've never really had that much gender dysphoria. I have it, but it's not as bad as most other trans people have it. But during the past week, my gender dysphoria has worsened. It's gotten really bad. Because of that, I want to come out to my mam so I can get a binder and start going by he/him.

But the thing is, I don't know if my mam is supportive of trans people or not. Sometimes she acts supportive, but sometimes she doesn't.

For example, when my friend came out as trans (ftm) she used his preferred name and pronouns. But when she found out that he got his nails done she said that he can't possibly be trans because "trans boys are supposed to despise being feminine". I then explained the definition of transgender to her and explained how my friend getting his nails done has nothing to do with his identity, but she didn't believe me. To this day, she doesn't believe that he is trans.

Another example is when someone else I knew came out as trans but she didn't believe him because he is mentally unwell. So it seems like she believes that trans people can't be mentally unwell.

But I'm confused because she always claims that she's supportive of trans people. My whole life, she's been telling me that if I ever find out that I'm trans then I can tell her. She also suspected that I was nonbinary and when she questioned me about it she didn't seem upset or angry, she just wanted to know if I was nonbinary so she could help me. She has also taught me about how trans men transition. But at the same time, when I came out as bisexual she acted supportive, but a few months later, she told me that she doesn't believe me because "I'm too accepting of people" (don't ask me what that means, because I haven't a clue). But then she's completely supportive of my brother being gay.

So I don't know if it's a good idea to come out or not. I will be upset if she doesn't support me but my main issue is getting her to believe me. Even if she is transphobic, I don't think she's a raging transphobe. Maybe she just needs time to accept me? If you were in my situation, would you come out? Also, my brother knows that I'm trans, so he might be able to back me up if things go wrong. She listens to him far more than she listens to me, so it might be a good idea to have him there if I tell her. And please don't talk bad about my mam in the comments (you don't know her). :)

I want to learn Toki Pona so I can journal in it and because it's a cool language. I'm just wondering if Toki Pona is detailed enough for that. Will I be able to write about my day and my thoughts? Sorry if that's a stupid question, but I don't know enough of the language to be able to answer that question myself 😅

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I'm scared that my family will look in my journal, so that's why I want to write it in a language that they don't understand. 😭

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