u/SingleShallot2500

F29, boyfriend 35, length of relationship: 1 year and 8 months.

The relationship began after a two-year friendship, during which there were already subtle signs of jealousy. After we became a couple, controlling behaviors and self-victimization intensified: constant reproaches, comparisons with other women and other relationships, accusations that I didn’t validate him enough or put him first. He showed excessive jealousy toward my former partners, insulted me-saying that I sold myself for nothing, and held me responsible for the conflicts in the relationship, saying that because of me the relationship was being destroyed because I was cold and avoidant—although this distancing was actually a response to the repeated criticism and humiliation.

He positioned himself in conflict with the important people in my life (family and friends), accusing them of ignoring him or manipulating me. He reacted with anger even in crisis situations, such as when I supported a friend who tried to end his life, interpreting everything as a sign that I was not prioritizing him. After every fight he told me that I am the most amazing human being on the planet and he was asking me never to change. That was very confusing as well. He categorically refused therapy and, in the end, ended the relationship, leaving behind a great deal of confusion, pain, and self-doubt—intensified by the fact that, alongside these behaviors, there were also extremely beautiful moments and genuine qualities in him.

At present, one of the most distressing fears is the thought that he will find someone “right” for him, and that this would confirm the idea—constantly reinforced during the relationship—that the problem was me.

I would be grateful for any advice from people who have experienced something like this.

F29, boyfriend 35, length of relationship: 1 year and 8 months.

The relationship began after a two-year friendship, during which there were already subtle signs of jealousy. After we became a couple, controlling behaviors and self-victimization intensified: constant reproaches, comparisons with other women and other relationships, accusations that I didn’t validate him enough or put him first. He showed excessive jealousy toward my former partners, insulted me-saying that I sold myself for nothing, and held me responsible for the conflicts in the relationship, saying that because of me the relationship was being destroyed because I was cold and avoidant—although this distancing was actually a response to the repeated criticism and humiliation.

He positioned himself in conflict with the important people in my life (family and friends), accusing them of ignoring him or manipulating me. He reacted with anger even in crisis situations, such as when I supported a friend who tried to end his life, interpreting everything as a sign that I was not prioritizing him. After every fight he told me that I am the most amazing human being on the planet and he was asking me never to change. That was very confusing as well. He categorically refused therapy and, in the end, ended the relationship, leaving behind a great deal of confusion, pain, and self-doubt—intensified by the fact that, alongside these behaviors, there were also extremely beautiful moments and genuine qualities in him.

At present, one of the most distressing fears is the thought that he will find someone “right” for him, and that this would confirm the idea—constantly reinforced during the relationship—that the problem was me.

I would be grateful for any advice from people who have experienced something like this.

F29, boyfriend 35, length of relationship: 1 year and 8 months.

The relationship began after a two-year friendship, during which there were already subtle signs of jealousy. After we became a couple, controlling behaviors and self-victimization intensified: constant reproaches, comparisons with other women and other relationships, accusations that I didn’t validate him enough or put him first. He showed excessive jealousy toward my former partners, insulted me-saying that I sold myself for nothing, and held me responsible for the conflicts in the relationship, saying that because of me the relationship was being destroyed because I was cold and avoidant—although this distancing was actually a response to the repeated criticism and humiliation.

He positioned himself in conflict with the important people in my life (family and friends), accusing them of ignoring him or manipulating me. He reacted with anger even in crisis situations, such as when I supported a friend who tried to end his life, interpreting everything as a sign that I was not prioritizing him. After every fight he told me that I am the most amazing human being on the planet and he was asking me never to change. That was very confusing as well. He categorically refused therapy and, in the end, ended the relationship, leaving behind a great deal of confusion, pain, and self-doubt—intensified by the fact that, alongside these behaviors, there were also extremely beautiful moments and genuine qualities in him.

At present, one of the most distressing fears is the thought that he will find someone “right” for him, and that this would confirm the idea—constantly reinforced during the relationship—that the problem was me.

I would be grateful for any advice from people who have experienced something like this.

Hi, I’m 29 years old and I’m dealing with something that’s been really scary, and I really need your help.

Over the past few years, I went through a very difficult period mentally and emotionally. I managed to function, I went to therapy, and for a while everything seemed fine.

For the past few months, however, I’ve started experiencing some very intense physical sensations. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe, I get a strong agitation or pressure in my abdomen, my palms start sweating, and I feel like I’m about to collapse or faint.

I’m an opera singer, and this has even happened to me on stage.

These episodes usually happen when I’m sitting still. If I move around, the sensation improves a bit — it’s not as intense — but when I’m sitting down, it becomes unbearable.

I’ve been to the ER for cardiology, I’ve seen a thyroid specialist, I’ve had brain tests and blood work done, and everything came back normal.

I started noticing that these sensations are also connected to digestive discomfort. Sometimes I have stomach or intestinal discomfort, gas, or the need to go to the bathroom. About 10 minutes before I have to go to the toilet, these symptoms start appearing.

I’ve seen a gastroenterologist twice. She told me I probably have IBS and prescribed probiotics, but these episodes are still happening. She also suggested that I see a psychiatrist, as she thinks it might be something related to the nervous system.

I don’t know what to do anymore or what to believe. I don’t know if this is purely anxiety, if there’s also something medical going on, or if I should change my diet. I should mention that I exercise regularly, and that for a period of time I struggled with compulsive eating.

I feel completely lost. I’m scared that I might even lose my job at the opera because I won’t be able to perform anymore, and I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind.

I’ll describe my symptoms one more time, clearly:
I feel like I can’t breathe, my vision becomes blurred or foggy, I get heart palpitations, my palms sweat excessively, and I feel an extreme internal agitation, especially in my abdomen.

I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what this might be and whether anyone else has experienced something similar.